Links

The 2011-2012 Indianapolis Colts Survival Guide In Three Steps - Step 4: Completely stop playing until Peyton Manning comes back. Step 5: Black uniforms. [Smoking Section]

GSP Sucks At Track - This is like a Powerade commercial done in reverse, and reminds me a little of that episode of “Full House” where the guys have a footrace and Danny takes Joey into the octagon and beats the dogsh*t out of him. [Cage Potato]

Wild Card, Kitten Mittens, Green Man, Milk Steak, And F*ck Yeah Tumblrs: An Interview With Charlie Day - Whoever got us a Charlie Day interview, please, get me an interview with the guy who plays Cricket so I can ask him at least 50 questions about being The Hutch on “The Joe Schmo Show”. [UPROXX]

Texts From Pawnee, Where ‘Parks And Recreation’ Hilariously Meets Texts From Last Night - This show cannot return soon enough, although we’re entering the “when The Office started getting bad” season, so I’m remaining cautious. [UPROXX]

The Best And Worst Of WWE Raw 9/13 - Wrestling happened, and I’m going on vacation starting tomorrow afternoon, so read this ASAP. [With Leather]

Dwarf Who Played Gordon Ramsay in Porn Eaten By Badgers - Maybe the best headline of all time. Now if only someone could fill a failing restaurant with beavers and have them kill Robert Irvine. [Film Drunk]

Baby Cthulhu Is Adorable, Evil Incarnate - Man, Cthulhu is in everything now. When I was little, the only way I could get Cthulhu is by reading weird older people comic books. [Gamma Squad]

Here Is a Horse Pooping on Children’s TV - This wouldn’t be a big deal if the young people of today’s world weren’t all Rod and Todd Flanders. [Warming Glow]

Playboy October 2011 Issue Will Sell For 60 Cents! - If they want to be like Playboy from the 60s, maybe they can turn down the airbrushing a little. I can draw boobs on a napkin and have them look more realistic than what usually shows up in Playboy. [Buzzfeed]

Danny Glover one-ups the people who wear Crocs in public - He’s getting too old for this shirt. [FARK]

17 Things You Might Not Have Known About ‘The Lion King’ - I hate the Lion King so much. It was the first time in my life when I noticed something was a hacky rip-off, but nobody cared and told me things like “you think too much”! They should re-release The Lion King in 1D. [Moviefone]

Predicting How Many Episodes the Network TV’s New Fall Shows Will Last - USA shows passing off glancing white people as characters, 4-10 seasons. Everything else is already canceled. Stay tuned for season 14 of “In Plain Sight!” [Pajiba]

Walt Disney Pictures is bringing the story of Rinku Singh and Dinesh Patel to the big screen… I know, right! I’m super excited, you guys!

Singh and Patel, as you all know, are the two Indian cricket pitchers who were the finalists on the 2008 reality TV show Million Dollar Arm, which was created by agent J.B. Bernstein. After they tried out for 20 Major League Baseball scouts, they were both signed to contracts by the Pittsburgh Pirates and they have since embarked on majestic careers, each winning a Cy Young while the Pirates won back-to-back World Series. Actually, Singh has been in Single A and Patel was released in November, and the Pirates are the worst sports franchise ever.

So how did Bernstein get this amazing idea?

Bernstein got the idea for the reality show one night while watching a televised cricket game from India. He realized that the throwing motion employed in cricket wasn’t that different from American pro baseball.

Reality show Million Dollar Arm launched in India in 2008. More than 40,000 contestants auditioned, including Rinku Singh and Dinesh Patel, who emerged as the two finalists.

Bernstein brought Singh and Patel to the U.S., using action films and rap songs to facilitate their English. He also taught them the mechanics of baseball. (Via The Hollywood Reporter)

OK, I suppose if at least half the movie involves two Indian guys talking like Snoop Dogg while quoting Die Hard, I could watch it. Maybe twice if it’s on TBS at 3 a.m. and I’ve had a dozen or so beers. And Craigslist would have to be down. Yeah, then I could totally watch it.

Singh and Patel on an old Outside the Lines after the jump…

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When not brining stupid rap video dances to the masses, John Wall has been known to play some basketball here and there. Wall is the consensus choice to be selected number one overall by the Washington Wizards in tonight’s NBA Draft, and I’m sure he’s plenty excited about that. John should also be excited about the shoe contract he signed with Reebok. The 25 million dollar over 5 year contract is more money than Wall can expect to make in his contract with the Wizards.

Reebok made an immense investment with the charismatic and explosive guard, believing that Wall can replace Allen Iverson(notes) as the brand’s superstar. Wall’s reps, Dan Fegan of Lagardere Unlimited and Brian Clifton of Pindar Enterprises, negotiated a rare two guaranteed signature shoes for Wall.

The deal exceeds what most industry insiders believed even Wall, a spectacular talent, could get in this marketplace. In the declining economy, shoe companies have become more judicious about handing out such big guaranteed deals to rookies. The No. 1 pick in the 2009 NBA draft, the Los Angeles Clippers’ Blake Griffin(notes), was reported to have signed for $400,000 annually with Nike. Milwaukee Bucks guard Brandon Jennings(notes) had a more lucrative deal with Under Armour that he signed out of high school, worth approximately $2 million over four years. Yahoo! via USAToday

John Wall is probably going to have some difficulty deciding what he, at such a young age, should do with that kind of money. Luckily, the good people at Disney have made a movie that could shed some light on what must be a sticky situation.

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