By way of the Sports Kings comes either the greatest misprint of all time, or the one NBA game of the season you can’t afford to miss.
So many questions. Do they play on a court, or on ice? It says Disney is still “on ice.” Furthermore, if Ariel from The Little Mermaid has no legs, does that make her better or worse at scoring points than Earl Watson? Does the winner go on to play the Tune Squad? And the biggest question of all … who’s buying tickets to Utah Jazz games?
Unfortunate misprints are one of my favorite things. I was a pallbearer once, and they misspelled my last name as “Shroud.” At least nobody had to pay forty bucks for the wake program.
LeBron James Jumps Over John Lucas For The Dunk - LeBron James Does Cool Thing, News At Eleven. Has he stopped being all LeBron James about it yet? [Smoking Section]
Six Things the 3DS Needs to Deliver to Become as Great as the Original DS - 1. Nintendo coming up with some games that aren’t Mario/Zelda/Metroid/Donkey Kong/Party/Kart related. 2. That is all. [Gamma Squad]
‘Jeff Who Lives at Home’ Nails Every Indie Dramedy Trailer Cliche (with side-by-sides) - My movie should go into production sometime this year, and I’m using this post as a guide for making the trailer not look like a piece of sh*t. Thanks, FilmDrunk! [Film Drunk]
Jennifer Love Hewitt Strips for Her Hooker Mom Show - … but not really. This would be the greatest thing to happen to me since I went on vacation and came back to naked Anne Hathaway in Havoc screencaps if it was a real thing. [Warming Glow]
Meme Watch: It’s About Time We Gave ‘Forever Resentful Mother’ Her Own Feature - I’m glad my Mom never did anything meme-worthy. Also, pretty happy that I didn’t have the Internet until I was old enough to be weird about my parents on it. [UPROXX]
Snoop Dogg Is A National Treasure - Getting started on that “Dr. Dre steals the U.S. Constitution” script as soon as possible. [UPROXX]
Call Your Bookies: We’re Breaking Down Super Bowl XLVI’s Prop Bets - Worth it for all the pictures of pre-post-pre-Crisis Kelly Clarkson. Your December was terrible, but your September-November was pretty great. [With Leather]
The Naked Daniel Tosh Supercut Is The Nakedest Supercut - My girlfriend loves Tosh.0, but wishes he’d stop being naked and showing gross-out videos all the time. All I can think is “why the f**k do you like Tosh.0, then”. [Buzzfeed]
The Funniest Animal Photobombs Of All Time - Needs more boing sound effects. [HuffPost Comedy]
Disney Princesses Reimagined As Hipsters - And yes, I would try to hook up with every single one of them. Hipster Snow White ftw. [The FW]
The 9 Most Unfairly Typecast Animals - Poor pit bulls, you are the Henry Pollard of the animal kingdom. [FARK]
This gallery may not appeal to the more Hot-Cheerleaders-In-Slow-Motion-inclined members of the With Leather readership, but don’t be afraid to enjoy it, because at some point during the 1970s the Walt Disney Corporation teamed up with Wonder Bread to give away pennant stickers with loaves of bread that are literally nothing but Disney characters destroying college names with puns. Yes, that’s a sentence I’ve written.
As I see it, there are two fine ways to enjoy this:
1. Flipping through and trying to figure out which school each pennant represents, because some of them are a stretch. 2. Losing control of your neck and bashing your head against the desk in a full-body groan when you realize “Mickey Can Skate” is Michigan State, or whatever.
A third way to enjoy it is through the absurdity of the illustrations, like Cinderella doing 2,000 pounds of laundry in her ball gown or Goofy with a broken leg because you can only make so many puns about Tulane. And yes, ACC fans, here is where you learn about how Disney preappropriated your “dook” joke for Duke and made it about fowl royalty a decade or so before you were born. I kept expecting to see a Virginia Tech pennant where Shan Yu from Mulan is holding up a castrated turkey.
Note: Full credit for these goes to Disney, I guess, but credit for putting them on the Internet goes to Jason Liebig.
UPROXX Presents: The Best Of 5-Second Films, Part 2 - For the other five people in the world who think “Father and Son” is hilarious. Some of these look legitimately better than any movie released in theaters since like, March. [UPROXX]
25 Ray Guns, Blasters and Phasers Inspired by the Sci-Fi of Yesteryear - Zzzzzap. Zzzzzzap. [Gamma Squad]
The Best Costumes, Celebrities, and Pointless Merchandise from New York Comic Con - Hopefully Matt will let me do a Wizard World Austin version of this. Also, I hope I can save up enough money between now and November to pay for one entrance ticket to Wizard World Austin. [Warming Glow]
Google Will Kill Google Buzz, Google Music Store Reportedly Launching - Google should buy AOL, sell it to Yahoo, then buy Yahoo and sell it to Alta Vista. Then buy Webcrawler and Ask Jeeves and merge them into AssCrawler. [Smoking Section]
Fincher Says ScarJo’s Boobs Were Too Big For Dragon Tattoo, Basically - Beside, they already filmed her version of this, it’s called The Perfect Score and it’s awesome. [Film Drunk]
Trent Richardson Now Owns Senquez Golson’s Ankles - Just … ridiculously sick. Ridiculously sick. [Smoking Section]
Hot Chicks of Occupy Wall Street - No, Internet. Bad Internet, bad. [Buzzfeed]
‘The Three Musketeers 3D’ Was a Joke on ‘The Simpsons’ Twelve Years Ago - Not really. Moviefone is stretching here, but the clip is funny, and the Zorro rap song is one of my most solid in-theater references. [Moviefone]
Venture Bros.’ 9 Most Musical Moments - ATTN: Venture Bros. guys, Re: you are not Trey Parker, please stop making music for no reason and animated your funny television show. [Adult Swim]
The 10 Most Profitable 80′s Remakes - Future #1: My gritty, cyber-noir remake of Amazing Grace And Chuck. [Pajiba]
Obsessed Apple Fan Gets Steve Jobs Haircut - Average Person, if you’re reading this, your planned-for-Halloween zombie Steve Jobs costume is not a funny or clever idea. [Brobible]
A Steampunk Disney Princess Fashion Show - How did this start, honestly? Who was the first nerd to say “Doctor Who is cool, but he’d be cooler if his scarf had pipes”? [Unreality]
My Two Days With Glee - We’re going to try to make Progressive Boink a thing again, I think. Check out Bill’s latest article, a rundown of Glee that will help you explain to your friends why you hate Glee, but haven’t been able to articulate it. [Progressive Boink]
Miami Marlins New Logo: Really Bad, But Not The Worst Possible - I think the “Home Improvement” logo idea is the best, and would buy a Miami Marlins: The Complete Baseball Season hat the minute they were stitched together. [SBN]
Kenyon Martin Reportedly Signs Richest Contract In Chinese Basketball’s History - I hope this isn’t followed by the story “Kenyon Martin Reportedly Has Second Baby, Doesn’t Know Which One To Choose”. Culturally-insensitive jokes about China, everybody! [Smoking Section]
The 8 Best Movie Baseballs -Everyone’s Hero or it didn’t happen. Come on, that movie features a boy named “Yankee”. [Moviefone]
Kendra Wilkinson Says The Secret To Good Marriage Is Having Sex In Different Locations - Totally agree. The secret to good marriage for me is going to be having sex with Kendra Wilkinson in different locations. [FARK]
The Ten Greatest ‘Simpsons’ Characters Who Appear in Only One Episode - If this list didn’t have so many qualifiers it could go on forever. Dinner Dog, for example. [Warming Glow]
Awesome People Hanging Out With Chevy Chase - This could be 50 pictures of him standing next to Alison Brie and I’d click through it. Actually, I’d click though that one first. Can somebody make that one? [UPROXX]
After 30 Years Of Making Music, R.E.M. Is No More - I like to think that one guy with glasses woke up last week and went “oh christ, I’ve been in REM for THIRTY YEARS” and just jumped through his closed window. [UPROXX]
James Cameron Bringing Cat-Monkey Pterodactyl Rape to Disney World - He’s probably just redoing the Tarzan treehouse, guys. The only place you get raped at Disney is in the line for Roger Rabbit. [Film Drunk]
‘Arrested Development’ Cast to Reunite - If there’s no news about the movie announced here, I’m never caring about an Arrested Development reunion again. Don’t Twilight Princess this thing, people. [Warming Glow]
The Last Words Of 25 Famous Dead Writers - Pretty sad that mine are going to be “hey guys”. [Buzzfeed]
Your Nostalgia Is Killing You: The 30 Worst TV Theme Songs of All Time - I’m going to start off with two list posts that put me at odds with the people I write with at Uproxx. This isn’t “worst theme songs”, it’s any theme song you can remember, and half of them are awesome. [UPROXX]
The 8 Most Nauseating Disney Channel Shows of All Time - The second list is from Jason, a person I don’t know, who sh*t-talks The Suite Life of Zack and Cody AND, AND Dumbo’s Circus. Talk bad about Dumbo’s Circus again and I will literally kill you. [Warming Glow]
Planned Parenthood: 5 Jay-Z Songs About Becoming a Dad - I hope 99 Problems gets rewritten to suggest that a bitch IS one of his problems. [Smoking Section]
7 Monstrous Cthulhu Tattoos: The Evil Being Awakens Human Skin - People will get anything tattooed on them. I want to get the volcano from the old Dianetics commercial. [Gamma Squad]
The Internet Responds to Hurricane Irene with Typical Class and Grace - Slightly less disrespectful than running around with your middle fingers in the air while a reporter tells you to stay inside. [UPROXX]
Mila Kunis Loves World of Warcraft - No she doesn’t. Don’t buy this. Olivia Munn doesn’t like video games either. Morgan Webb likes video games because she liked them before she was supposed to. [Gamma Squad]
Never Nude for a Good Cause - The most important link on this list. Donate money, if you can. I’m going to donate money as soon as I start getting paid. [Warming Glow]
George Lucas’s Daughter Beats Up a Japanese Chick - Additionally, George Lucas has been beating the sh*t out of the rest of us since like 1995. [Film Drunk]
T.I. Reportedly to Be Released from Prison on Wednesday - You know it ain’t nothin’ for him to drop a couple stacks on you. Stacks of what, I’m not sure. [Smoking Section]
Matthew Fox Punched a Lady in the Crotch - Suddenly 10 million Chris Brown fans put “Lost” on their Netflix queue. [FARK]
5 Petty Acts That Somehow Violated NCAA Rules - I hope “attempting to demonize deacons” is on here somewhere. Also, “tarring one’s heels”. [The Smoking Jacket]
When Did America Develop Better Taste in Movies Than the Rest of the World? - When we stopped assuming “what people watch a lot” meant “what people like”. I’ve seen two of three Transformers movies in the theater, but they didn’t taste good. [Moviefone]
7 Bizarre Ancient Contraception Techniques - Number eight: Having Brandon’s 7th grade haircut. [Buzzfeed]
The 5 People and Things on Network TV I Miss the Most Right Now - 1. Freaks and Geeks, 2. Paramore music videos, 3. The Bozo Show with the proper Bozo from my childhood, 4. Cookie from the Bozo Show, 5. Cuddly Dudley. [Pajiba]