Dallas Mavericks big man Dirk Nowitzki is a rampaging beast! No, really, look at that ugly dude. He looks like a sasquatch after a body wax and Atkins. But the Abominable Dirkman found his groove in the fourth quarter against the Jazz, dropping 29 in the last period to pull off a 96-85 win against the mighty Mormans.
Nowitzki broke the franchise record of 24 points in any quarter set by Mark Aguirre against Denver on March 24, 1984.
“It was an ugly game,” Nowitzki said. “We couldn’t get anything going for three quarters. We were slow. We were looking for a spark offensively and I was able to do that tonight.”
Yes, Dirk, it was an ugly game. That’s your kind of game. Though you may not have the natural looks to lure a woman into a Colorado hotel room, your presence in the paint last night was a penetrating force all its own. You made it look so easy that a caveman could do it.
Other NBA news: Boston is still undefeated and Allen Iverson is pissed about playing time. Also, water is wet and the sky is blue.
The Cleveland Cavaliers continue to resemble a shark tied to an elephant’s back, trampling and eating everything in their path. They’ve won all eight of their games in these NBA Playoffs, most recently finishing their sweep of Atlanta last night, 84-74. LeBron James and Delonte West each played over 40 minutes for the Cavs and finished with 27 and 21 points, respectively.
The Official With Leather Dark Horse Denver Nuggets, however, need to put that coffee down, as Dallas managed to steal Game 4 in their conference semifinal, 119-117. Larry Bird With Austim had 19 of his 44 points in the 4th quarter, which seems incredibly Larry Bird-ish, when you think about it. Carmelo Anthony’s 41 points and 11 rebounds were seemingly for naught.
Tonight, the Celtics and Magic will break their 2-2 tie in Boston tonight, and the Lakers and Rockets will do same in LA. No eliminations tonight, unless you’ll be watching that one show that everyone in America idolizes. What’s that called again?
Our generation’s Larry Bird With Autism watched his alleged girlfriend get hauled off to jail for multiple felony warrants–including a probation violation–when Dallas police showed up at his doorstep earlier this week. From NBC Dallas-Fort Worth (thanks, John):
Booking records show Taylor has used at least eight different aliases in the past including Chrystal Ann Taylor, Crystal Ann Taylor, Debra Johnson, Shana Mancini, Krista Santiago, Crystal Ann Santiago, Cristal Westerhaus and Crista A. Westerhays.
Taylor was arrested at around 11 a.m. Wednesday. The Mavericks said Nowitzki and the team didn’t return from Denver until 12:30 p.m. Wednesday
Other aliases used included Syrus McBootypants, Elizabeth Felchmonger, and my personal favorite, Lady Smokepussy Fitzsimmons of Monaco. I guess Dirk’s only bedfellows now will be his broken English and sub-par grooming habits. Isn’t it weird that “sub-par” actually means bad, but if you shoot under par in golf, that’s actually good? And what’s the deal with airline food?
It would be a great story if Dirk Nowitzki always used the Mavericks’ off nights to go to Amazing Jake’s and play Laser Tag with a bunch lonely young men who live with their parents. You know, the kids in high school who wore all black and combat boots, didn’t wash their hair, tortured small animals, and got voted “Most Likely to Start a Militia.”
Unfortunately, this was snapped at the Mavs’ annual holiday party, and the team played a bunch of games with 150 kids from the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Jason Terry got hooked on Ms Pac-Man, Josh Howard played a NASCAR driving game, and all the kids with horrible diseases got to experience joy for a day. So it’s actually all heartwarming or whatever.
But I still like the idea of Dirk hanging out with the angry dudes who make pipe bombs.
[Full report at friends.mavs.com, via Ball Don't Lie and the Mavs' blog community]
The Dallas Mavericks seem to have finally found their way after the Jason Kidd trade, having won five in a row after against pansies to improve morale and team camaraderie. One recent exchange:
"Germany has produced lots of champions!" laughs Dirk Nowitzki as he enters the locker room after yet another Mavs victory.
This spurred a discussion of between Dirk and Jason Terry about Max Schmeling's worth as a boxer in the 1930s.
And then, out of nowhere, a third voice tries to settle the faux feud. "Yeah!" giggles Malik Allen. "And what about Hitler?" And all the Mavs within earshot crack up, another joke told, another victory secured, another intangible bond maybe solidified.
This is the sort of locker room talk that wasn't a story until bloggers showed up to blow every word out proportion, so of course people are huffy about laughter happening in the same minute that someone uttered the word "Hitler."
Not me, though. I enjoy a good Hitler joke. Well, as long as it's not about gassing and burning Jews. But if we can't laugh about the beer hall putsch and the Reichstag fire, then the Nazis have already won. Hey, was Eva Braun ugly, or what?
Goddammit, geeks can be really funny sometimes, and not just when you push them down a set of stairs.
I'd like to point out that this gentleman lives in Tacoma, the birthplace of this website's handsome, funny, humble editor. It's a nice city. The putrid smell from the paper mills has really been toned down over the last decade or so.
(Much love to Bethlehem Shoals at the FanHaus for the clip)
