The only imaginable scenario where one could even consider rooting for Duke is when their being sued by one of their own douchebag alums. Andrew Giuliani, son of former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani, already has his degree from Duke, and now he has a result on the lawsuit he filed against the school and the golf team in 2008–he lost. From The Smoking Gun:

In an opinion issued yesterday, Magistrate Judge Wallace W. Dixon sided with Duke in its bid for a judgment against Giuliani. A copy of Dixon’s May 19 opinion, which will now likely be adopted by a U.S. District Court judge, can be found below. Dismissing one Giuliani claim, Dixon wrote that the misplaced argument “brings to mind Carl Spackler’s analysis” from “Caddyshack”: “He’s on his final hole. He’s about 455 yards away, he’s gonna hit about a 2 iron, I think.” Though no longer on the golf team, Giuliani graduated this month from Duke, so he’s got that going for him.

I guess the magistrate couldn’t rule “meteor,” but whatever. At least now he’ll be free to watch his dad botch another presidential campaign or two, and maybe another marriage if he’s lucky. Or that meteor might come around during the appeal. Once the lawyers get involved, I just hide under a table and wait for the shouting to stop. Just like every Christmas dinner.

This gang of uber geniuses was shocked – shocked! – to discover that fire erupts from a Molotov cocktail when you hit it with a baseball bat. It begs the question of what exactly they thought would happen.

“C’mon guys, watch me smash this thing. Who knows what will come out. Maybe unicorns, a genie who will grant us dirtbikes, Playboy bunnies, Brooks Robinson. Who knows? That’s the wonder of discovery!”

If I tried to use my brain to figure out why the Cowboys lost to the Giants yesterday, I probably would have come up with some combination of dropped passes, missed tackles, and sloppy special teams play.  But that just shows how dumb I am, because the bastion of journalism that is the New York Post revealed Dallas's real downfall.

Even a fake Jessica Simpson was good enough to throw off the Dallas Cowboys yesterday, as Big Blue took a Giant step toward the Super Bowl. The Giants, who notched a stunning 21-17 victory over Dallas in the NFC Divisional Playoffs, had a good-luck charm in the stands – in the form of Simpson lookalike Lynsey Nordstrom…

Simpson – nicknamed "Yoko Romo" by some superstitious Cowboys fans – didn't show up yesterday, but The Post brought Nordstrom, a beautiful, 21-year-old nanny from Bothell, Wash., to Texas Stadium. We sat her in the third row at the 50-yard line behind Dallas' bench. The stunner's Simpson-esque vibes must have made the difference – Romo's final drive was stopped short of the end zone. You're welcome, New York!

That is absolutely flawless logic.  Call off the Pulitzers, the competition is over.

Two Swiss students vacationing in Budapest found a land mine while frolicking carelessly on the banks of the Danube, and did what any two fucking dipshits would do: they played frisbee with it.

Lukas Aider, 20, and Christoph Kurz, 19, took a plunge in the Danube river in Budapest when they found the mine and began their potentially lethal game. A lifeguard watching stopped them and immediately called the police. A bomb squad then arrived to make safe what turned out to be an old Soviet 6 kilogrammes anti-tank mine.

I'm not sure how many of you are up to speed on your AT mines, but they're fucking heavy.  Six kilograms is about 13 pounds, which is just kinda-somewhat heavier than your average frisbee.  So these guys found a large metal/plastic object in a former Soviet bloc country and decided to play catch with it, something that has about ten pounds of explosive shape charge designed to punch holes in tanks with hot liquid metal.  And yet they survived.

Stupid Soviets and their shoddy weaponry.  Capitalist mines are so much more reliable at killing idiots.

[This Suit Is Not Black]