When the St. Louis Cardinals knocked off the heavily-favored Washington Nationals in the 2012 MLB National League Division Series, it made sense that some fans would be upset. After all, no team can be loved by 100% of baseball fans, not even the classier and more intelligent Cardinals, who are more realistically loved by 98% of fans. But it seems that some Nationals fans have indeed held a grudge against the senior circuit’s perennial underdogs-turned-heroes, and that seething hatred has led to one of the most creative artist’s renderings of a blossoming rivalry that we may ever see.

Created by Reddit user “nats13” – I believe that may be an homage to his favorite baseball team, but my fact checkers are still looking into that – the above portrait features such Nationals stars as Jayson Werth, Tyler Clippard and Kurt Suzuki attacking the Cardinals with an army of laser-equipped dinosaurs. The accuracy is stunning, as the Nats and their powerful army that includes a T-Rex, brontosaurus and pterodactyls are more powerful and advantageous.

However, the underwhelming Cardinals are also well-suited by the stegosaurus and triceratops, which are both noted by historians as the scrappiest and most-efficient dinosaurs. Or I just made that up. Either way, I’m probably going to spend the rest of my day watching Dino Riders.

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NMA should turn this into an ongoing series. I want to know what happened to the poor Dodgers fan who had a McCourt lurking in his bushes.

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The Animated GIF Bracket’s Final Four: Where Dreams And Nightmares Come True - YANKEE ENTHUSIASTS was robbed, that thing should win a Pulitzer. Please continue to vote MORTIFIED MICHIGAN PUNTER into the championship. [SB Nation]

Tommy Lee Jones And AMC Are Developing A Show About Football - I hope it’s just football guys going “I DIDN’T FUMBLE THAT BALL” and Tommy Lee Jones saying, “I don’t care!” [Warming Glow]

The 15 Greatest Knockouts in ‘The Ultimate Fighter’ History - Gifs of people being punched to death are a great way to start your Friday. Poor Solomon Hutcherson. [Cage Potato]

The South Park Memeing Episode: Instant Classic And KSK Relevant - Also, Everywhere Relevant. Here’s to hoping Faith Hilling doesn’t take off. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Conan’s Celebrity ‘Why Would You Tweet That?’ Bit Killed Last Night - Lenny Kravitz’s first love being “recording the same song over and over” is amazing. Maybe he’s like the lady from 50 First Dates. [UPROXX]

Two Boss Ways To Play Mario Kart - The day I was most jealous is when I found out the Cleveland Indians scoreboard guys played Madden on it. If I got to play Double Dash on that thing, I’d feel like God. [Gamma Squad]

Pranked Texas Granny Demands an Apology from Justin Bieber - Get in line, lady. [The FW]

Latest Entrant Into The Epic Drunk Hall Of Fame - A guy in a sombrero wears boxing gloves, jumps onto a cop car and shouts his name. Then he takes THIS mug shot. Worth your time. [Film Drunk]

Question Of The Day: Kidada Or Rashida Jones? - How is this even a question? What’s tomorrow’s question of the day, Alison Brie or the guy that plays Leonard? [Smoking Section]

Apparently Earth’s Mightiest Heroes Will Rock Out To Earth’s Crappiest Soundtrack - You sorta don’t expect it to be that bad when you read the headline, but holy sh*t, Papa Roach? In 2012? What is this, the WWE? [Pajiba]

Cats Vs. Dinosaurs - Technically don’t cats win for still being alive? [Buzzfeed]

Welp, my brain just started bucking. Here come those repressed memories.

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Watch the Worst Church Singer of All Time - Basically the opposite of the Wharvey Girls from O Brother Where Art Thou. Also, basically the opposite of someone who will ever have sex. [The FW]

Photoshop Challenge: Liam Neeson Versus… - I will not be even 1% surprised if this leads to Liam Neeson Vs. Predator in real life. Liam Neeson should try battling his performance in Phantom Menace. [UPROXX]

STen Pointless, Expensive On-Screen Props I Need to Own - BRING ME THE HEAD OF BABY SINCLAIR. [Warming Glow]

Cross Your Fingers: Dave Chappelle & Chris Rock Could Tour Together - Just like Watch The Throne, only Kanye and Jay-Z are still relevant. Yeah, sorry, no amount of being the black friend from Grown Ups is going to make me like you again, Chris. [Smoking Section]

“Total Recall” Remake Not Very, Uh, “Total Recall”-esque - Destiny is going to be disappointed. Total Recall is one of her favorite movies. In fact, like four of her five favorite movies involve Arnold. My girlfriend is weird. [Gamma Squad]

‘I Want You to Make My Mouth Pregnant’ leads AVN ‘Clever Title Award’ - Porn guys sure do have a weird idea of what constitutes “clever”. They should give Allie Sin a Newbery medal. [Film Drunk]

Stephen Colbert’s Interview With Maurice Sendak Was Outrageously Funny - Almost as cool as the time E.B. White and Bill Watterson went on Bill Maher and yelled at each other about religion. That didn’t happen, but oh man. [UPROXX]

Top 10 Pictures Of Vladimir Putin Beating Up Little Kids - Sometimes I feel like we should just start a blog about Russia. Somehow they were less crazy as evil Soviets. [Buzzfeed]

Stick Figure Decals For Your Unfortunate Lifestyle - The “my student could beat up your a-student!” bumpster stickers for a new generation. [Adult Swim]

Gina Carano explains why sex Is like cage fighting. If this doesn’t make you a fan, nothing will - And if you aren’t already a fan, you’re one of those Cage Potato commenters who hate everything. [FARK]

Single Men Vs. Single Women In NYC - As someone swimming in beautiful alty girls in Austin, Texas, this graphic is important and useful to me. [High Definite]

Happy Columbus Day, everybody. I’m going to celebrate by going into my friend’s house, telling him I live there now, then giving him a terminal disease. And then I’m going to try to sell all of my brown-skinned friends. Columbus!

Links

Changes In The UPROXX Media Network’s Commenting System Are A-Comin’ - Rating systems, posting incentives and more are heading your way, and two weeks after they arrive I’ll figure out how to leave comments again and thank you for supporting UPROXX© brand media. [UPROXX]

Worst UFC Cake Ever - This is what happens when you spend too much time on the cage and not enough time on the fighters. The line between “MMA guys” and “gay gentlemen watching the clouds” is razor thin. [The Fight Nerd]

Jeremy Bridges Pooped His Pants - His punishment should be never wearing those white uniforms again. Sometimes they just knock the sh*t out of you, I guess. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Real Steel Review: A Terrifying Commercial For A Dystopian Future - They totally skip over the 100 years or so when people go THIS IS FAKE, ROBOTS AIN’T EVEN REALLY PEOPLE. Also, I don’t ever want to see a commercial for this f**king movie ever again. [Film Drunk]

The Problem With ‘Terra Nova’: Boring Characters - The other problem is Transformers disease: if you make a show about battling space robots, have the space robots battle each other, don’t show me what Average White American thinks about it. [Gamma Squad]

Lil Wayne Delivers 30-Minute PSA On His Legacy And Steve Jobs - He admired Steve Jobs’ poppin’ bottles and dipping just as much as Steve admired bartending and stripping. [Smoking Section]

Trailer for Reincarnated ‘Beavis & Butt-Head’ - So good. Now bring back Dog Boy! [Warming Glow]

10 Famous People Without Their Famous Facial Hair - See what Brian Wilson looked like before he started trying too hard! Also, Ron Swanson sans mustache is still the weirdest thing ever. He looks like a pug. [Buzzfeed]

The Most Banned Horror Movies in History - I miss the 70s, where you could just rip a turtle apart on film and rape somebody and it was considered a classic. [Moviefone]

Ben & Jerry’s Supports Occupy Wall Street - I bet the hard-assed Republicans at Rice Dream think otherwise. [The Daily What]

The Ten Best Cartoons From The 80s - Normally this kind of thing doesn’t bother me, but I want to know who at Unreality Mag decided “cartoons I remember from the 80s” was a good and unique idea in goddamned 2011 on the Internet. That list was played out back when we were starting X-Entertainment in like 1999. [Unreality]

Former Major League outfielder Carl Everett, mostly famous for denying the existence of dinosaurs and for saying Adam and Eve were real because “someone saw them,” was tossed in a Tampa jail on Tuesday for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. According to the arrest affidavit, Everett and his wife got into an argument so he did what any sane, rational human being 39 years into adulthood would do — he put a gun to her head, then broke two different telephones so she couldn’t call 911. Well, sure.

Everett’s attorney, Clinton Paris, said it’s a family matter, which can hopefully be resolved quickly and efficiently.

Paris added, “he only did it because he loved her.” He didn’t, but he might as well have.

The best part of the story (and keep in mind that there really aren’t any best parts to this story) is that the report said he held a “silver handgun” to her head, and while that’s probably just a color description I can pretty easily imagine Carl Everett owning a pistol made of silver. This is the same guy who questioned the moon landing and said he’d retire if he found out one of his teammates was gay. This guy got to play professional baseball for FOURTEEN YEARS without somebody sh:tkicking him in the asshole and making him work at Family Dollar for the rest of his life.

[AP]

Ryan Phillippe is doing the whole media tour thing for MacGruber, which is getting scary-good reviews. I thought all terrible SNL skits could only be turned into terrible movies. So Phillippe wound up throwing out the first pitch for the Phillies in a recent game, and he…wasn’t really that great. But was he worse than this baby Tyrannosaurus Rex, who “threw” out a first ball of his own at a Triple-A game not too long ago?

Granted, the baby T-Rex doesn’t have a mouth, but that’s no excuse. Get that damn thing over the plate. And why am I seeing some teams having two ceremonial first pitches? I’ve said this before: the second ceremonial first pitch, by definition, is no longer a first pitch. That’s mindless Catholic schoolgirl virgin logic. Snap out of it.

Sorry, we were talking about Pitches here, with a P. See them both after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »