In a story TMZ.com is calling an exclusive because someone paid them to write about it, Anna Benson, wife of former New York Mets Baltimore Orioles pitcher Kris Benson, shocked and upset producers of ‘Baseball Wives’, a reality show debuting tonight, when she threatened Chuck Knoblauch’s wife with a stun gun and a 12-inch dildo she’d produced from her purse. I find three things wrong with this news blurb:

1. There is no way somebody married Chuck Knoblauch.

2. Who tries to threaten somebody with a dildo, and furthermore, what kind of porno-ready Magic Murder Bag is Anna Benson carrying around where she can comfortably transport and whip out a 12-inch dong? My girlfriend barely has enough room in her purse for my keys.

3. Shouldn’t your husband have to be playing baseball to make you a “baseball wife”? I think I’ve started more Major League games in the last five years than Kris Benson.

Anyway, if “reality show person shocks reality show people with reality show behavior” wasn’t enough to clue you in, TMZ’s finishing line of

Sources tell us … show execs are trying to contain Anna.

should be enough to tip you off to the bullsh*t. I don’t know what’s funnier, the idea of Baseball Wives producers trying to wrangle a terrible baseball player’s gold-digging stripper wife in a circus cage to maintain the integrity of their Celebreality fame-whore Thunderdome or TMZ’s use of ellipses making it read like they’re on the end of a 1950s newswire with bated breath, breaking the sentence up into fragments to get us the news as fast as possible. BREAKING NEWS, STOP. BASEBALL WIVES DRAMA, STOP. CHUCK KNOBLAUCH’S MOTHER-WIFE STRUCK BY PHALLUS, STOP.

You can check out ‘Baseball Wives’ tonight on VH1, or even better, you can’t.

“The job ain’t glamorous or nothin’, but I get to keep whatever’s thrown on the ice.”

A pro hockey game in Sweden was delayed briefly when fans of Stockholm-based AIK littered the ice with dildos to taunt Leksand star Jan Huokko.  Earlier this year, Huokko’s phone had been stolen, and an explicit video clip of him and his girlfriend circulated around Sweden’s part of the Internet.

AIK fans also unfurled a banner reading “Bend over bitch!”, which was accompanied by a giant inflatable penis. Vulgar chants directed at Huokko continued throughout the match, which Leksand ended up losing 3-2.

AIK club management was aware of their fans’ plans for knocking Huokko off his game, but elected not to intervene. “We’d also heard mention of it, but we decided that it would only be worse if we went out and told the fans they were absolutely not allowed to throw dildos on the ice,” said AIK club head Mats Hedenström to the newspaper.

“I’m not saying you can’t throw dildos on the ice, but I’m not not saying it, either.  And I’d like to add a couple of less than subtle winks, just in case it’s not clear that I want fans to throw dildos on the ice.”

“Mad Monday” is the day after the Australian Football League’s regular season ends. It’s when the players whose teams didn’t make the playoffs go wild and crazy, because they don’t have to do those things expected of them during the season. Things like “not do drugs” and “stay sober” and “hit women with dildos.”

[Carlton star Brendan] Fevola was on a boozy outing with his teammates yesterday when he rocked up to Fed Square about 5pm (AEST) wearing a pink nightie with the sex toy strapped around his waist…

“Fev had a foot-long dildo hanging out of his pink muu-muu in full public view outside the bar,” said a witness who asked not to be named.  “I saw him hit a couple of girls on the head with it. It was a bit off-putting.”

Women’s Forum Australia director Melinda Tankard Reist said Fevola’s actions were inappropriate. “Women should be able to walk freely in public spaces without being sexually harassed in this way,” she said.

Awesomely, police are not looking into the matter because “no one had issued a complaint.”  Which means that women in Melbourne are cool with a guy in women’s pajamas assaulting them with a dildo.  Now if you’ll excuse, I’m moving to Melbourne immediately.

[via FanIQ, which has the disturbing video]