I wish I was half as good at anything as Terrell Owens thinks he is at life. The wideout failed to amass 1,000 yards receiving for the second consecutive season, but the 37-year-old has never been one to let facts get in the way of a good boasting, whether it’s regarding football or his plans for when his playing days are over.

“I’ll be in Hollywood on the big screen,” he told FOX411′s Pop Tarts at the Grey Goose Lounge Super Bowl soiree in Dallas, TX last weekend. “I did a comedy this past summer called ‘Dysfunctional Friends’ (co-starring Stacey Dash and Stacy Keibler) with a great cast, hopefully that’s a stepping stone for more work.”[..]

But before leaving the NFL for the bright lights of Hollywood, Owens has one important goal. In true T.O style, he wants to switch teams (again) to one that “will actually win the Super Bowl.”

–Fox News, via Ben Maller.

Terrell Owens will never play on a Super Bowl team, because you are a pompous ass that has yet to realize that the game has passed you by, and any decent organization with a shot at postseason glory will pass on you because you’re locker room cancer. And yet you come out of Buffalo and Cincinnati — unquestionably the two most poorly-run organizations in the NFL — thinking that you smell sweeter than a rose. I wish you’d think about some less egotistical career options, Terrell. Like “Foreign news correspondent in Egypt,” perhaps.

"How does it feel to know I'm staring straight into your soul?"

Hall-of-fame pitching legend for the Phillies and resident curmudgeon of the Kentucky Senate Jim Bunning took enough time off from his never ending schedule of applying Bengay to rip Nationals demigod Stephen Strasburg a new orifice for landing on the DL after a tiny bout of shoulder inflammation that scratched him from his start last night. The 78-year-old Bunning was once one of the best pitchers of his era but is now mostly known for being an angry conservative with a keen ability for guarding the sanctity of ‘Senator only elevators‘

Complain about how hard it is to see those tiny cell phone numbers with us, Jimmy:

“Five-hundred twenty starts, I never refused the ball,” Bunning, a Kentucky senator who hurled a perfect game in 1964 and struck out 2,855 batters in his Major League career. “What a joke!”

Bunning had taken an interest in Strasburg, who like the Kentucky senator is a fire-ball hurling right-hander. The senator has seen the Nationals ace four times and was at the ballpark Tuesday night, he said. But he clearly didn’t like what he saw – or rather didn’t see – when the youngster didn’t take the mound.

“My arm!” Bunning sarcastically cried as he pretended to clutch his shoulder in the Capitol’s Statuary Hall. -Politico

My opinion? Bunning should stick to what aging republicans do best, which is shooting fellow old people with birdshot on quail hunts to help thin out the herd in this already overpopulated land. It’s the Lord’s work, and I can’t wait until I’m old enough to get away with doing it because I’ve already got the person I want to shoot all picked out.

More like Baby, baby, baby OWWWW, amirite?