I like the part where he says he’s excited. (via Buzzfeed)

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Question Of The Day: Can Anyone Stop Kentucky In The Final Four? - Where have you gone, Christian Laettner, our nation turns its lonely eyes to you. Woo woo woo. [Smoking Section]

Is the UFC’s Fox Deal Hurting Business? - MMA will officially be pro wrestling when its top stars have to fight each other to protect THIS BUSINESS~. [CagePotato]

The 2011 A1W 100: Meet Your Voters and Others Receiving Votes - The list hasn’t been revealed yet, but I sent in a ballot, so you’ll see my esoteric taste eventually. Feel free to fall in love with Veda Scott (pictured, but not on the list) now, before she becomes super famous. [The Wrestling Blog]

Youtube Appreciation: Ratatouille the Snowboarding Opossum - Editor Americus Matt Ufford shows some love for our favorite extreme rodent. Also, I am so awesome at Latin. [SBN]

Watching This Abandoned Blind Dog’s Rescue And Recovery Video Will Absolutely Slay You - The first time I’ve ever cried at an Avril Lavigne song. Be nice to animals. [UPROXX]

The ‘Mad Men’ Cast Gets ‘Archer’-Ized - The only way this mash-up could be more appealing to the UPROXX network is if Kate Upton and Alison Brie had become the same lady. [UPROXX]

Worst Trek Episode Ever: The Bracket Begins - Do the movies count? Because Star Trek V: The Final Frontier is the worst piece of sh*t movie ever. [Gamma Squad]

Donna D’Erico Is On The Hunt For Noah’s Ark - Almost as cool as the time Yasmine Bleeth died searching for the Holy Grail. [Warming Glow]

Worst Anti-Piracy Ad Ever - Worth it for the YOU WOULDN’T DOWNLOAD A BEAR graphic. I will be dead in the cold, cold ground before I pay for even one moment of Battleship. [Film Drunk]

Breaking Dawn — Part 2 Teaser: Bella Gets Laid, Becomes Beautiful Eternal Monster Who Eats Bambi - And speaking of terrible movies, eventually we’re gonna run out of YA novels and sad grown-ups are gonna have to find something else to do. [Pajiba]

You Can Now Buy the ‘Zou Bisou Bisou’ Song From the ‘Mad Men’ Season Five Premiere - I liked it better when I thought it was called ‘Zooby Zooby Zoo’. [The FW]

Three-time WWE and one-time-until-he-f**ked-with-the-wrong-Mexican UFC Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar has just recovered from digestive intestinal disease surgery, and like anyone else he’s getting back into the swing of physical competition by eating Jimmy John’s in a field and using a machine gun to shoot giant bullets at prairie dogs to make them backflip thirty times.

Fusion© ammunition presents Brock’s big comeback video, which involves his older brother Chad, a discussion about how you can learn to respect various types of ammo by testing them scientifically on rodents in distant holes, and a bag of beef jerky. That can’t be good for your intestines. Is there an ethnic group that stereotypically loves beef jerky? That might explain it. Animal rights opinions aside, standing on a hillside with a Fat Man and launching Mini-Nukes at athletic gophers isn’t a great way to get back in shape or learn to respect things. But this is Brock Lesnar we’re talking about. This guy once broke the one leg of a one-legged guy in front of his own mother, then pushed the handicapped one-legged guy down a flight of stairs. And that’s just when he was pretending to hurt people.

I’m going to guess Cain Velasquez is “getting ready for the Fall” by beating people at fighting.

[h/t 411 Mania]

Yesterday marked the start of the 2011 Running of the Bulls, the most popular part of the seven-day festival of Sanfermines in honor of San Fermín in Pamplona, Spain. This is one of those things I can’t really report about without editorializing, so I’ll let good old Wikipedia fill in your blanks.

Spanish lore says the true origin began in North-eastern Spain during the early 14th century. While transporting cattle in order to sell at the market, men would attempt to speed the process by hurrying their cattle using tactics of fear and excitement. After years of this practice, the transportation and hurrying began to turn into a competition, as young adults would attempt to race in front of the bulls and make it safely to their pens without being overtaken. When the popularity of this practice increased and was noticed more and more by the expanding population of Spanish cities, a tradition was created and stands to this day.

The modern purpose of the run is to transport a bunch of bulls from the off-site corrals where they had spent the night, to the bullring where they would be killed in the evening, and to charge Bohemian tourists with no sense of compassion 250 bucks to stand on somebody’s balcony. Ah, sorry. I don’t want to push my beliefs on anybody, but I do want to present to you a huge gallery of pictures from the event. They’re beautiful shots, and I guess it’s hard to take a picture of anybody doing anything during the Running of the Bulls without it looking like a critique on humanity. It’s apparently important to a nation’s culture, like our professional football games, and we can’t hold it against Spain and the Spanish that most of the people paying to attend are devolved goons, like at our professional football games.

Enjoy. And be sure to be in Pamplona for the running next July and every Summer after, should you decide this looks like a great way to spend an afternoon.

[header photo credit AP / Daniel Ochoa de Olza]

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Earlier this month we reported that Egyptian strongman al-Sayed al-Essawy was in training to boost Egyptian tourism by killing a full-grown African lion with his bare hands at the foot of the Pyramids at Giza. Sounds like a plan, right? Well, the fight went down, and it wasn’t exactly Hercules of Yore, unless the whole “Hercules” thing is exaggerated and he just fed a donkey to the Lernean Hydra and sat around waiting for it to fall asleep.

Here’s the video recap, followed by a quick rundown of carny lies:

1. al-Essawy claimed he was going to fight a lion with his bare hands, but went into the ring dressed like a Three Wishes dot com Halloween gladiator, carrying a pronged spear, a machete, a shield and a dagger.

2. When you say “I’m going to fight a lion” people assume you mean “a wild lion that will be trying to fight me back”, not a lion you paid for yourself and fed an “entire donkey” (credit to one of the onlookers).

3. When you say “I want to fight a lion in front of the pyramids” people assume you mean “I’m going to battle a lion in the desert in front of the pyramids”, not “I’m going to fight a lion in the same general country as pyramids”.

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Houston Texans cornerback Kareem Jackson is in some moral hot water this week, as his vacation to the Dominican Republic took a turn for the moronic after he Tweeted pictures of himself at a cockfight. While cockfighting is perfectly legal in the Dominican, that doesn’t relieve Jackson of the scrutiny he will face back here within the moral fabric of the U.S. of A. And he should be scrutinized because he’s a professional athlete, a prominent figure in his community, he makes more than $3 million a year (with more than $10 million of his contract guaranteed) and countless other athletes and celebrities have paved the way with their own forms of stupidity with animals. Has Richard Gere taught us nothing?

So what were the Tweets that have brought this attention to the guy who had 71 tackles and 2 interceptions in his rookie year for one of the NFL’s worst defenses?

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Yesterday we discussed the lack of animal aggression laws in Colombia and how that would affect Panamanian soccer player Luis Moreno after he kicked a live owl during a game against Junior Barranquilla on Sunday. Basically, Moreno wasn’t in any trouble despite pissing off most of the animal-loving world. Well the story took a turn for the different yesterday, as the owl, which is also Junior’s mascot, died after going into shock. Now people are calling for serious action against Moreno and he stands by his story that he was just trying to see if the bird could fly.

Just kidding, he knew exactly what he was doing. Moreno admitted yesterday that he let the tension of the game and the atmosphere dictate his actions and he wasn’t thinking clearly when he free kicked a live injured bird. But he apologized and believes that life goes on, just not for the bird.

“My family is very worried about what happened because an entire country is against me. I believe what happened is regrettable and I apologised to the entire country,” he said.

Ramon Jesurum, president of Dimayor, said on Monday that “the player should be severely punished for this painful, horrible act of intolerance,” before adding that the case would go before their disciplinary committee. (Via The Telegraph)

Dimayor is the Colombian league in which Moreno plays, and Jesurum seems pretty pissed about the whole thing. He should demand swift action for the stupid act and show the world that he means business. Otherwise, PETA may make a trip to Colombia and show up outside the league’s venues and loudly protest. In fact, I encourage PETA’s leaders to get to Colombia as quickly as possible, and make sure the natives know that they are American and do not approve of what they’re doing. *fingers crossed*

Video of a really half-assed, selfish apology after the jump…

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