If The Pope has done nothing else to help the world, he’s gotten Dick Vitale to shut up. Temporarily.

The legendary sportscaster and professional caps-lock yeller had a chance to briefly meet and greet Pope Benedict XVI on Tuesday while on vacation in Italy, and as a man of faith he seemed so legitimately excited about it I can only make so much fun. Although he does type exactly like he talks.

Another tweet added “Can’t wait 4 the photos taken by the Pope’s staff- in awe as we made small talk .Asked his Holiness to pray 4 peace in our world & 4 my fam.” I would’ve loved to listen in on that conversation. Vitale goes UNBELIEVABLE BABY and kisses the Pope’s ring, then tells him he wants world peace. The Pope sorta scratches his head and goes “sh**, okay, don’t know why I didn’t think of that”. He should’ve asked the Pope what he thinks Rex Ryan’s tattoo means.

Of course, the religious experience wasn’t enough to change Dick’s human nature, and within a few hours he was back to his old self, sharing Italian vacation stories only Dick Vitale could find interesting.

That wouldn’t have anything to do with you just hanging out with the Pope, would it?

[via Twitter]

What’s that? Does college football “analyst” Dick Vitale have some sort of inherent bias for Duke men’s basketball coach Mike Mike Krzyzewski. This is news to me. I always thought of Dick Vitale as an unbiased journalist, just like I think of everyone else at ESPN. Any thoughts on that, Will Leitch?

Vitale returned from his throat surgery last night for the Duke-UNC game, and we were reminded once again how much we absolutely cannot stand him … Those who say Vitale is owed a considerable amount of credit for college basketball’s explosion over the last 15 years sound correct to us: When our Illini team of 1989, with Nick Anderson, Kenny Battle and Kendall Gill, busted out, it was Vitale whose voice we would all imitate while playing basketball in the back yard. “The Flying Illini, Baby!”

Of course, we were 13 years old, and 13-year-olds are stupid.

–Leitch/Deadspin [2008].

That’s about right. But why am I getting all worked up? College basketball doesn’t start until March.

Syracuse won that game, by the way

Dick Vitale has been a fixture at Tampa Bay Rays games for as long as the franchise has existed. When not day dreaming about Coach K, Vitale can be seen chillaxing at Tropicana Field. But yesterday, his leisure took a turn for the worst when he was nailed by a foul ball.

“First pitch got me right in the rib area,” Vitale told Fox Sports’ Todd Kalas. “(It was the) first time I’ve ever had a line drive in 11 years come into this box since I’ve been here. And I’m going to tell you, man, it came like a bullet, and I was really worried. But fortunately, I feel fine.” –USAToday

Video of said shellacking after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »

It seems crazy to talk about college basketball outside of March and early April, but I suppose it counts as news when the top-ranked team loses for the third week in a row — to the previous #1 team! Wow! Can you believe how wacky sports are?!?!?

Anyway. #4 Wake Forest toppled Duke 70-68 with a late layup from James Johnson, although you can barely glean that from the video, because the mongoloids in the booth are hardly capable of giving competent play-by-play and analysis. Oh yes, that’s right: Dick Vitale is calling a Duke game. You may want to take some preventive measures before listening to the clip, like puncturing your eardrums with an ice pick. You’ll thank me later.

Good news for everyone who showed up this morning hoping to see an annoying old man wearing a ball gown, because Dick Vitale donned Cinderella gear to advertise Tampa's tourney games in what is almost certainly the sexiest Tampa Tribune of all time.

You know, it would be okay if this were Photoshopped.  I expect to see Vitale in unsexy Photoshops, like fellating Mike Krzyzewski, or servicing a bunch of blue-painted cocks in a Cameron Crazy gang bang.  But this is the real deal, and there's video of him in the dress to prove it.  Says Dickie V in the video:

"I do anything for PR, don't I?"

Like hell you do, you little slut.  Put on some glass slippers or don't dress like Cinderella at all.  I won't stand for a drag queen who half-asses it.  Work it, bitch!

[Fan IQ] 

I know that I speak ill of college hoops too often, and that's not fair to the student-athletes who dedicate so much time to practice, games, travel, and looking over the papers that their tutors write for them.  Deep down, I know that my lack of love for NCAA basketball is my own failure as a fan: I have no real loyalty to any college, very few geographical roots, and for much of the season I'm preoccupied with the NFL.

Oh, and one more thing: I fucking hate Dick Vitale.  I loathe the man.  People who defend him because they like his enthusiasm are the same kind of people who admire the Nazis' efficiency.  Thankfully, the shouting is on hiatus.  Dickie V writes:

After an examination, it was determined that I had lesions on my left vocal cord and that they should be surgically removed. Dr. Zeitels said his goal is to have me back sitting at courtside in early February.

Take your time, Dick.  I'd hate for you to miss March Madness because you rushed back too soon.  I simply can't imagine early spring without you yelling at me.  It's like having an old, bald Richard Simmons as my sideline announcer.

(Thanks to hunky basso profundo Reed)