Wizards guard Gilbert Arenas is scheduled to miss the next three months after surgery to repair a torn meniscus and microfracture in his knee.  But even though he's going to be on the sidelines for the foreseeable future, Agent Zero's still making a splash with his most recent blog entry.  He shares his frustration about the injury, his excitement about the four short films he made for his new shoes, and — most candidly — his mixed emotions about the breakup with his girlfriend:

You know what? When stuff goes bad it goes bad. I just broke up with my girlfriend and I don’t get to see my kids for a while because of the breakup…

Now she’s back in California. You ask for space, you know, because everything feels closed in … the house is dirty, the kids are drawing on the walls and on the couches and you’re thinking, “Oh man, I can’t do this. I’m not playing well and I’m coming home to all this.”

So you ask for space and now you got clean walls, clean furniture and you’re lonely. And now you got to sit out three months. Oh man. I guess it has to get bad so it can get good.

That whole passage is just kinda mind-boggling to me.  I blog for a living, and I make up stories about hookers and strippers (yes… "make up") to avoid sharing details of my real life, because people on the Internet can be terrifying creeps.  Myself included.  And I'm not even a celebrity outside of the snuff film industry.  Gilbert Arenas is an All-Star, and he's delivering all these emo goods on his blog.  I just can't imagine someone like Kobe Bryant doing that.  You win a bunch of championships, and hardly anyone calls you a champion.  But rape one girl, and you're a rapist for life…

(Image courtesy this amazing Photoshop essay from Wizznutzz)

Crap.  It's not even noon, and I had to resort to Wizards coach Eddie Jordan firing a t-shirt cannon.  It's gonna be a long Friday.

By the way, I'd be way more interested in whatever they're selling if someone got hit in the groin.  That's just something for you ad geniuses to think about.  Groin shots move product.  There have been studies.

[PopJocks] 

Wizards guard DeSahwn Stevenson has a thing for Lindsay Lohan.  To the point that he's offering up $10,000 to whomever can put him in touch with her.  Young, Black, and Fabulous (like me! …kinda) found this message on Stevenson's MySpace account.

I Got A Couple Ppl On The Lindsay LoHan Deal………………. But Im Giving Somebody 10 Stacks If They Hook That Sh*t Up…………….. 4 U Slow Ppl 10 Thousand Dollars 2 The First Muthaf*cker Get Me The Contact 4 Her!!!!!!! Before My Ppl Get The Number They Moving 2 Slow 4 Me So Holla At Yo Boy If U Need That 10,000 Grand!!!!!!!!! U Kno I Need That White Girl Lindsay Lohan…………. First N*gga Or Female Get Me That Sh*t I Wire That Money Str8 2 Ur Account Hit Me On Email If U Got The Real Sh*t!!!!!!! TwoFamily@mac.com………………… Yadddddaaaaa Boy

Ummm… I don't speak jive fluently, but I'm pretty sure that's a bounty on Lindsay's vagina.  Dude, it's not that hard to sleep with her. There's an easy two-step program for nailing Lindsay Lohan: (1) Go to rehab. (2) Have a penis.  Ta-da!  That's a real live coke whore/movie star on you're getting VD from!

The shooting that happened at Bullets Wizards guard DeShawn Stevenson's house first started making the rounds yesterday, but I wanted to wait until more details surfaced before I wrote about it.  Today, just a mere 24 hours later, all of the details are perfectly clear.

Stevenson and friends met several women at a nightclub and invited them back to the NBA player's home in an Orlando suburb. Witnesses told deputies they were followed into the gated community by a Cadillac Escalade. The driver of the Escalade argued with one of the women then reportedly opened fire with a handgun. Bullets shattered windows in Stevenson's Lexus SUV, and more shots hit a BMW and Stevenson's house. Stevenson's companions told deputies they ran into the home and didn't return fire. The women from the nightclub fled the scene…

… About a half-hour later, Curtis Ruff, 31, drove up to a local hospital in an Escalade seeking treatment for gunshot wounds to his legs, sheriff's spokesman Jim Solomons said. Ruff declined to cooperate, but Solomons said deputies believe he was shot at Stevenson's home.  No one involved in the altercation wanted to press charges.

Well, then.  That answers all my questions.  Since no one else fired shots, obviously the guy in the Escalade shot himself in the leg.  Case closed.

When asked to comment, teammate Gilbert Arenas bet Stevenson $20,000 that he could get more people shot at his house by next weekend. 

I never realized this was illegal, but Washington Wizards free agent Andray Blatche was arrested yesterday for soliciting an undercover cop for sex.

Blatche and a male acquaintance were arrested at 12:11 yesterday morning… after attempting to solicit sex from a female police officer in the prostitution enforcement unit… The Wizards have held high hopes for the 6-foot-11, 248-pound Blatche since selecting him with the 49th overall pick [in 2005], but his impact on the team has been minimal because his rookie season was stunted when he was shot in an attempted carjacking near his home in Alexandria. 

I've gotta say, it's pretty dishonest of cops to disguise themselves as hookers.  I'm sure Blatche respects the law; it's not like he would have offered her money for sex if she'd been wearing her uniform. In fact, the cop should be flattered that Blatche found her attractive.  Besides, he's the victim here.  I think getting shot during a carjacking entitles you to a little victimless vice crime.  But what do I know?  I'm just a guy with a huge penis.

(Also see: FanHouse, Deadspin)