Okay, I want to start off by saying that I swear on everything I hold sacred that I won’t write anything sarcastic here, so I don’t offend anyone who would read something and honestly believe that I, a lifelong baseball fan, would be insane enough to actually demand the San Francisco Giants play an 8th game after defeating the St. Louis Cardinals in Game 7 of the NLCS. I mean, obviously I’d never be that dumb, especially after Roger Craig demanded the very same thing after the Cardinals won the 1987 NLCS in 7 games and Whitey Herzog refused.

I mean, what am I, a hypocrite? (Answer: Yes, very much so.)

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If that preview image doesn’t make you click the link, maybe this will: at one point in Taiwan’s “New York Yankees didn’t make the World Series” epic, Alex Rodriguez draws a sex emoticon on a ball and gets it tossed to a lady. Yep.

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Links

Here Are 15 ‘Adorable’ Halloween Costumes For Kids That Are Actually Quite Horrifying |UPROXX|

‘SNL’ Recap: Bruno Mars (And Tom Hanks) |Warming Glow|

Holy Sh*t. Nic Cage in talks to star in a Left Behind reboot. |Film Drunk|

Excessive GIF Theater: How To React To Christian Ponder Dating Samantha Steele |With Leather|

Five Historical Eras The Assassin’s Creed Franchise Should Explore Next |Gamma Squad|

8 Ways Beyonce Could Pay Homage To New Orleans During The Super Bowl Halftime Show |Smoking Section|

Pizza Bloody Mary: Football Foodie Brunch Cocktails |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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The cover of today's New York Post.

Now that the Detroit Tigers have swept the New York Yankees, we can expect a ton of speculation about what the world’s most important baseball team will do in the offseason. Hell, for the first time that I can remember, people were actually speculating about the Yankees trading a player while they were still competing for the American League Championship. That’s remarkable even for “We’re the Yankees, we get whatever we want” standards. And, of course, the focus of all of the speculation will be around embattled third baseman and Grade A poon hound, Alex Rodriguez.

Rodriguez was slowly drawing the ire of Yankees fans as he was just awful at the plate throughout the entire playoffs (for the last three years, mind you) and the cherry on top was the New York Post’s story about A-Rod, who is dating Torrie Wilson, hitting on an Australian bikini model from the Yankees dugout after he had been benched and while his team was losing. Even Donald Trump bought a first class ticket on the hate train.

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Word around the Tweeters right now is that the weather looks pretty bleak in my beloved hometown of St. Louis, but the league has assured both teams that the game will be played tonight no matter what (UPDATE: They’re obviously playing). That’s awesome news, because either way I won’t be able to watch it tonight because I work too much and MLB.tv likes to take my money but only let me watch playoff baseball from really sh*tty angles (UPDATE 2: MBL.tv’s Postseason Package allows me to watch the ALCS but not the NLCS, so thanks for that, MLB).

That said, I’m glad we’re all back to loving the Cardinals and agreeing that they’re the best team to cheer for in the playoffs.

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People are too hard on baseball. “Wahhhhh, shorten the season, 162 games is too long, my penis is too short,” people who hate baseball often say. Well to them I say that they might as well hate the smile of a child or the whiskers of a puppy. They may as well loathe the sunrise and detest the starry sky. And above all else they should just go ahead and cast Kate Upton’s giant breasts into the fiery lakes of hell, because baseball is still the greatest.

Thankfully, now we have two Wild Card spots in each league and that means more action down to the final day of the season.

Wednesday Night Baseball: Oakland Athletics at Detroit Tigers – 7 PM ET on ESPN

I don’t pay a lot of attention to the American League, so when I saw the A’s record the other day, I about pissed my leather pants. In fact, looking at this incredibly important matchup for the Tigers, I would have guessed that Detroit was 20-some-odd games above .500. Stupid Brad Pitt and his excellent general management skills.

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Here’s a video of a robot throwing out the first pitch at a Detroit Tigers game. Sad truth: he failed a drug test right after this, and we won’t see him again until next season. Baseball, everybody! (via It’s Always Sunny In Detroit)

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Links

20 Reminders Of Why We Fell In Love With ‘The Office’ |Warming Glow|

Bow Wow’s Twitter Was Conveniently Hacked After Someone Posted A Picture Of Him Sleeping With A Man Online |UPROXX|

LL Cool J Broke A Hobo’s Jaw |Film Drunk|

Best And Worst Of Raw: Tonight’s The Night (To Retire Via Tout) |With Leather|

Hey Star Wars Nerds — Real Life Speeder-Inspired Hover Bikes! |Gamma Squad|

10 Sexually Absurd R&B Songs From The ’90s |Smoking Section|

DO NOT SERVE FOR REASON OF GINGER HAMMERING |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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