It all comes down to today. With the Detroit Tigers showing no offensive punch in a brutal 5-1 loss to the Chicago White Sox and the Twins beating American League Cy Young favorite Zack Greinke and the Kansas City Royals 5-4 earlier in the day, the Twins moved into a first-place tie with the Tigers in the worst division in baseball, the American League Central. If the Twins win today, they are at least assured a least a tiebreaker game for all the marbles against the Tigers on Tuesday to determine who will face the New York Yankees in the postseason. And if Detroit loses, well, people in Detroit will be even more depressed than usual.

This is the third time in four seasons that the Twins have an opportunity to win their division on the last day of the season. Last year, Minnesota forced a one-game playoff with the White Sox, only to ultimately lose that game 1-0.

In the end, the pressure is all on the Tigers - the Twins can play it pretty loosey-goosey, considering no team since division play began in 1969 has won their division after being three games back with four games to play. As far as they are concerned, the Twins probably feel they are playing with house money at this point. Given that today’s game will be the last regular season game to be played ever at the Metrodome and they are expecting over 50,000 at the Dump, everything appears to be working in Minnesota’s favor, who have won 15 of 19. The Tigers, meanwhile, are 4-6 in their last 10 games and have lost three straight.

Tigers manager Jim Leyland has all but accepted that Minnesota will win today. He understands what is at stake and hopes his players are aware of the fact they are on the verge of an historic epic fail, although he is somewhat encouraged that staff ace Justin Verlander will be starting today.

“They’re not going to get beat,” he said. “(Verlander) has been a horse. Hopefully we can win that one tomorrow and start the kid [Rick Porcello] up in Minnesota.”

You always feel pretty good with Justin going,” Leyland said, “but you’re still going to have to score some runs.”

Leyland said he told the players after Saturday night’s game, “You have to play your hearts out tomorrow.” via.

All I know is it is incredibly difficult to swing a bat with your hands clenched firmly around your own throat. Don’t the Tigers realize that the entire population of the downtrodden town of Detroit is depending on the team to lift them out of the city’s economic and social morass? Come on, guys!

Here’s video of that big brawl between the Red Sox and Tigers that happened earlier this week when the Sawks’ Kevin Youkilis took a fastball in the back, and Youk is so damn scaring looking that he might has well be jumping out of a flaming van wearing leg irons and an orange jump suit. But seriously, if you really want to rock the pitcher’s world…take the bat with you! Or better yet, take out the catcher with the bat and give yourself a head start to the mound. Catchers wear all kinds of padding, anyway…

Lots of dead people in the news today.  Harry Kalas, the voice of the Philadelphia Phillies and the resonant narrator of NFL Films, collapsed at Nationals Park before the DC-Philly game today and died of heart failure.  The Baseball Hall of Famer was 73.  With Leather frontman Punté was at that game, but is not suspected of any wrongdoing.  By police, anyway.  (NFL.com already has a nice tribute video.)

Hours later, beloved former Tigers pitcher Mark “The Bird” Fidrych was found dead underneath a dump truck at his farm in Massachusetts.  He was 54, the victim of what appears to be an accident.  Fidrych started the All-Star Game and won the AL Rookie of the Year in 1976, winning over fans with his colorful on-field behavior.  His career was cut short by injuries, however, and it seems his life followed the same path.

Also, as FilmDrunk noted, porn legend Marilyn Chambers passed away at the age of 56.  I guess that’s not really sports news, unless you consider masturbation a sport.  Which I do.

Outfielder Gary Sheffield will have to hit is 500th home run for some other team. The 40-year-old, who was struggling in spring training, was cut by the Tigers earlier today. But the $14 million on his deal this season was guaranteed, so he’ll get paid anyway.

There’s no indication whether Sheffield would still get his money if he signed with another team, and I’m not knowledgeable enough to make a guess either way. The Detroit Free Press is reporting that Sheff’s first choice would be to play close to home with the Rays.

I can’t think of anyone that I would pay $14 million to never see again, especially when he stands on the cusp of history. Not that hitting 500 home runs is “history.” Bombing Pearl Harbor, curing polio, banging Cindy Crawford. Those are the only things that the sons of history truly remember.

|via GameOn|

The exciting regular-season finale between the White Sox and Tigers that will determine the fate of the AL Central began this aftern– oh, never mind.  It’s raining in Chicago.  Millions of people are waiting for the playoffs to start, but we can’t do that until the weather gets nicer.  The game’s been delayed something like three or four hours, but they won’t call the game because the goddam season needs to end.

Here, I’ll solve the problem: have the Sox and Tigers play a day game tomorrow.  If the Sox lose, great.  If not, have the Twins on hand to play the second half of a doubleheader.  It’ll be like Diggstown, but way lamer and without James Woods.  Oh, is that unfair to the White Sox?  No one ever said baseball was fair, honey.

Also on tonight: Monday Night Football, starring the blood feud known as Ravens-Steelers.  You can follow all the fun (Kornheiser-bashing and Pittsburgh-mocking)  with me in the weekly live-blog/chat over at Kissing Suzy Kolber.

(Photo: Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images, 2006)

Oh, thank heavens baseball returned last night.  How did we ever get through one whole night without the drone of announcers over inaction?

NL — David Wright's two-run blast in the top of the ninth was the linchpin of a four-run rally that carried the Mets past the Reds in a 10-8 win, New York's 10th straight victory.  Billy Wagner reportedly pitched a perfect ninth for the save, but I'm not inclined to believe that… The Cardinals hit four solo shots off Jake Peavy — and not much else — in a 4-3 victory over San Diego.  The Padres' ace fell to 7-6, while Cards starter Kyle Lohse improved to 12-2… The only other game was Pirates-Rockies, and I'm not dignifying that with a recap.

AL –  Home runs from Gary Sheffield, Brandon Inge, and Marcus Thames powered Detroit over the Orioles, 6-5.  Sheffield' power surge after a disastrous first half came after a former player made a suggestion to Tigers skipper Jim Leyland over the break, which Sheff implemented.  "I'm not one of those guys who's not approachable. I try to take advice from everybody else," Sheffield actually said.  He then added, "Fuck off."

Golf — British Open muthafuckas!!!  After one day at Royal Birkdale — la dee dah, your majesty — Rocco Mediate, the U.S. Open's lovable underdog, had a share of the lead at 1-under.  In today's action, the weather sucks and Greg Norman has now taken the lead.  Awww, that'd be great to see him competing for the championship on the last day.  I haven't seen him massively choke in years.