So the Detroit Lions unveiled their “new” uniforms today, and aside from some rounded numerals, they look like the same pieces of gar-bage that these clowns wore last year. The logo looks like the old logo. I don’t get it. Doesn’t this freaking organization realize that a new logo actually has to be different from the old logo?! What a letdown. There was more climax at the end of Cast Away.
|via PFT|
Here’s future Detroit Lion (?) Matthew Stafford making an appearance on Late Night with That Little Turd That Used To Be On SNL, courtesy of Sportscrack. Stafford gets conned into throwing balls at airborne plates with targets drawn on them, and I couldn’t be more impressed that dude actually throws a mean ball while wearing a sport coat, which, despite the name, is not sporty at all. That attribute might come in handy, because if the mental midgets running the Lions actually do reinvent their uniform scheme this season, there’s no telling what they’ll roll out…
The NFL rumor-mongering/cell phone whoring Pro Football Talk has stopped just short of reporting that Georgia quarterback Matt Stafford will be the first overall pick in the NFL Draft on April 25th.
Although as to the other teams there’s no strategic reason to conceal the identity of the player they plan to draft since the Lions get the first pick, there’s a separate shell game as it relates to negotiating a contract.
Given that Michigan tackle Jake Long [last year' first overall pick] received $30 million guaranteed last year on a five-year deal, a quarterback taken in the first overall slot will likely want $35 million guaranteed on a five-year contract — and more than $40 million guaranteed on a six-year deal.
Stafford is nowhere near a sure thing in a draft that’s lacking the big names of a year ago, but Detroit’s ineptitude under center reached legendary heights last season, personified by Dan Orlovsky’s trot out of the endzone at home against Minnesota. But even with guys like Matt Ryan and Joe Flacco taking their teams to the playoffs in their repestive rookie seasons, Stafford almost catches a break in the Lions’ being so terrible. It’s not ideal…but $35 million guaranteed makes up for some of that.
SI’s Ross Tucker, in my opinion, is one of SI’s better football writers. He’s played the game, he gives you the big picture, and he never talks about coffee. So it was worth taking pause when Tucker shared his suggestion for what the Detroit Lions should do with their first overall selection in the upcoming NFL Draft.
Here’s some free advice for the Lions: Strongly consider passing on the No. 1 pick. Just let the time run out, Minnesota Vikings-style. Don’t bother skimming the rest of the column looking for an April Fool’s Day reveal. It’s a serious suggestion.
The money paid to the top five rookies has gotten so steep that this approach could be a legitimate option for a team. With the top pick, the Lions are looking at doling out a contract upward of $35 million in guaranteed compensation.
Tucker suggests letting a team or two behind the Lions make their picks before turning in their own draft card. And I gotta say, tactically, it’s not as scatterbrained as it seems. But it sends a horrible message to anyone that was thinking about seeing your team play. Eh, we don’t need any fresh talent. We’re good. The Draft isn’t so much a series of acquisitions in personnel, at least from a fan’s perspective. It’s an acquisition in hope, like when you buy your first date a really expensive dinner, and then you get her back to your place and discover she’s bald and has a prosthetic leg. Yeah, the Draft is exactly like that.
Three items are fueling the speculation that the Detroit Lions might be re-branding its football franchise. The first, and easily least significant is a contest that the Detroit News held, inviting readers to create their own logos. Some of the worst are posted on this page; the winner can be seen here. |Thanks to Uni Watch|
The other two bits of info come from PFT. The indefatigable Florio first points to a Grady Jackson interview:
On Monday, Jackson blurted out that he likes the team’s “new colors.” (In Grady’s defense, he was probably distracted by thoughts of food.)
Also mentioned was the fact that the Detroit Lions online pro shop is selling merch at massively slashed prices. And they don’t seem to have anything at regular price. I ordered a Jon Kitna jersey for like ten bucks. Yeah, I overpaid by about $9.50, but it was totally worth it for all the brownie points it’ll score me with Jesus! Eh, at least if I get a DUI while I’m wearing it, I’ll be granted eternal salvation. That’s how that works, right?
LIONS FAN GETS TATTOO OF 0-16 — It’s an epic fail honoring an epic fail! The whole world will now get sucked into a black hole. (thanks to reader Dale and KSK)
CANDACE PARKER IS PREGNANT — Explains the eloping she and Shelden Williams did. That kid’s gotta be some kind of superhuman basketball creation. It’s the sort of thing that the government would be doing if we lived in China.
ESPN IS GIVING RICK REILLY A TV SHOW — I’ve got nothing personal against Reilly, and yet here I am, dismissing this with a wanking motion. Sorry, Rick.
