wait what the f**k is going on

Writing about Alex Karras in today’s Sports On TV: Archer’s 15 Greatest Sports Moments sent me down a YouTube rabbit hole, and I cannot believe what I found.

If you’re like me, you know George Plimpton best from Ken Burns’ Baseball and from that one episode of ‘The Simpsons’ where he tries to talk Lisa into throwing a spelling bee for a college scholarship and a hot plate (“it’s perfect for soup!”). In the 1950s and 60s, Plimpton was a prolific sportswriter and author whose schtick was signing up to participate in pro sports without any training or know-how, then writing about his experience. He boxed with Sugar Ray Robinson, stood in net for the Boston Bruins, pitched in a post-season exhibition game at Yankee Stadium under coach Mickey Mantle and attended preseason training as a backup quarterback for the Detroit Lions. These moments were shared in beautifully-written books or in the pages of Sports Illustrated.

Also one time he learned pro wrestling against the dad from ‘Webster’ dressed like a caveman lion. That was … uh, not written about beautifully.

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This week, Sports On TV looks at the greatest sports moments from one of the greatest shows ever made — Paul Feig and Judd Apatow’s classic 1999 series ‘Freaks and Geeks,’ about a group of kids trying to navigate high school in 1980s Michigan.

The show only aired for 12 episodes and only 18 were made, but anyone who has seen it can attest to its greatness. It features an incredible cast full of people you love from SOMEWHERE (be it Martin Starr and Lizzy Caplan for their killer turns on ‘Party Down,’ Linda Cardellini for being Velma in the Scooby-Doo movies or a doctor on ‘ER,’ Jason Segel for reviving the Muppets and forgetting Sarah Marshall, and on and on), some of the best music of all time, beautiful photography, writing that stays with you 14 years later … everything you could ask for in a television show. Also, sports.

So please enjoy the 10 greatest sports moments from ‘Freaks and Geeks.’ In a better world, we’d have enough episodes to do 25.

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Two days ago, when I compiled the Here’s The Rest Of The Christmas Stuff post, my intention was to never write about Christmas again. Along comes this clip of Megatron and Matthew Stafford starring in Kensington Church Christmas 2012, and I’m drawn back in for one last score.

There’s so much to love about this video, including:

1. The acting. MY GOD, the acting. They give the Kensington Church staff wacky lines where they playfully insult each other, and it’s like the between-songs dialogue in an episode of ‘Glee’ written by my Aunt.

2. Johnson and Stafford tossing around a football like they’re filming scenes for The Room.

3. Johnson and Stafford introducing themselves a la Resident Evil characters, as if we’re watching the Kensington Church Christmas video and aren’t gonna know who they are. “Picture this, me, Matthew Stafford, in a shotgun formation in Santa’s sleigh!” “And me, Calvin Johnson, the master of unlocking!”

4. Football players’ best idea being “say as much about football and Christmas as you can, whether it makes sense or not.” Seriously, listen to what they’re describing. It’s mind boggling. “I roll right to avoid the blitz from the Grinch!” And he throws “the tightest spiral you’ve ever seen” with a Christmas present. And then we dump Gatorade on the baby Jesus!

5. Megatron not being able to consistently say “present.” I CATCH THE PRESINENT.

And on and on. The precocious child who wants the play to be about Jesus! Jokes about pissing in a church video! Everybody involved just kinda swaying back and forth like they’re Street Fighter characters for no reason, because they aren’t actors and think they have to be dynamic! It’s truly the gift that keeps on giving.

Or the gift that never gives. However that works. Remember, everybody: DO NOT GO TO CHURCH.

[h/t to Diehard Sport]

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, which means it’ll be a light day at With Leather. Burnsy will be enjoying a turkey dinner with all the trimmings, and I’ll be driving an hour south to San Antonio to eat mashed potatoes, green bean casserole and something called “glazed wham”. We’re very different people, but we love you the same.

If you’re like a lot of Americans, Thanksgiving means football. At UPROXX, Kissing Suzy Kolber means football, so here’s my best contribution to the vibe: a clip of Jimmy Junior, Wild Turkey Bourbon spoketurkey, choosing Thursday’s NFL match-ups. He picks the Houston/Detroit, Dallas/Washington and New England/New York games by eating feed out of a particular helmet, and hey, it’s not rocket science, but it’s as statistically valid as anything you’re gonna read at Bleacher Report.

Check out Jimmy’s picks below. “That turkey belongs on my plate” jokes not appreciated. Well, by half of us.

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He didn’t sign up, and NOW look at him!

You know the drill by now. With Leather has been teaming up to bring you top-shelf fantasy football with FanDuel.com all season. This is the last game we’re doing with them, so if you’ve been on the fence about participating before, now’s your time to shine.

We’re giving you a chance to draft a team and turn a $2 entry fee into $1,000 in prizes. That’s a $998 profit for clicking a few names. If you haven’t played before, here’s how it works:

This week’s game starts at kickoff on Sunday, October 28, so sign up for the game now and tinker with your line-ups until then. We’ve only got 555 spots available, so get in quick.

Pro Tip: Don’t draft anybody with gigantic clods of grass in their face.

“The Mad Duck” Alex Karras, former Detroit Lions lineman, passed away on Wednesday at the age of 77.

Karras, who had recently suffered kidney failure, died at home in Los Angeles surrounded by family members, said Craig Mitnick, Karras’ attorney.

Diagnosed with dementia, Karras in April joined the more than 3,500 former NFL players suing the league for not protecting them better from head injuries, immediately becoming one of the best-known names in the legal fight.

Detroit drafted Karras with the 10th overall pick in 1958 out of Iowa and he was a four-time All-Pro defensive tackle over 12 seasons with the franchise. (via AP)

Alex Karras isn’t a household name, but you know who he is, in one form or another. Let me put it to you this way … very infrequently does the passing of one man touch so many UPROXX Network sites. For Kissing Suzy Kolber, Karras spent 12 years in the NFL, where he was a 4-time Pro Bowl selection. Fans of Warming Glow might remember him as George Papadapolis, Webster’s dad on the 80s sitcom ‘Webster,’ and Gamma Squad readers might know him as the guy who convinced their parents to go out and buy Transformers now, while the stores have a good selection. FilmDrunk gets my favorite Alex Karras, the one who played Mongo and punched out a horse in 1974′s Blazing Saddles. Hell, he was even a pro wrestler, so I can write about him. Also, the football stuff.

That’s a man who led a full life. After the jump, I’ve included some random videos and moments from Karras’ career. Check them out, and never forget the one guy in the world who knew Slim Pickens, Emmanuel Lewis and Dick The Bruiser. Rest in peace, sir.

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