From yesterday’s Rams-Lions game, which included a bizarre safety and relatively unimpressive offensive play–it’s Lions designated asskicker Zach Follet finding Rams return specialist Danny Amendola and stabbing him to death with his own car keys, in a manner of speaking. Amendola did not return to the game. Also not returning to this game: everyone that watched it, because it was pretty lame. The Rams won, which is like winning the Special Olympics in swimming. Sure, you’re not quite the best of the worst, but at least you didn’t drown in the pool. –Second-String Fullback.
The Twins beat the Tigers in that thrilling 12-inning playoff game to decide the AL Central yesterday, but not without controversy. En route to his team’s 6-5 loss in the Metrodome, Tigers batter Brandon Inge took a pitch in the top of the 12th with the bases loaded that brushed up against his jersey, which legally counts toward a hit-by-pitch. Inge headed for first base, but was called back to the batter’s box by home plate umpire Randy Marsh. As one might guess, Mr. Inge was not pleased.
“I want a hit as much as the next guy, but when it’s that important, it hit my shirt,” Inge said of the first pitch he took from [Twins reliever Bobby] Keppel, thrown with the bases loaded and one out in the 12th inning. “I’m not going to lie.”[...]
“It hit my shirt, period,” Inge said. “I don’t lie about things like that. I’m not going to try to weasel my way on base.”
Tigers manager Jim Leyland immediately ran out of the dugout to challenge the call. Read the rest of this entry »
The old Gunslinger still has it. Down 24-20 with 87 seconds remaining, Brett Favre led the Vikings offense on an 80-yard touchdown drive, culminating with a 32-yard yard touchdown pass to Greg Lewis with two seconds left on the clock, as Minnesota pulled one out of their ass and beat the San Francisco 49ers 27-24.
In the end, I feel bad for the 49ers. They played their hearts out and all they have to look forward to is an eyeful of Mike Singletary dong.
Oh yeah, and the Detroit Lions snapped their epic fail 19-game losing streak, beating the Washington Redskins 19-14. Panic in the streets of D.C. Jim Zorn, I believe the bell tolls for thee.
I don’t understand what the city of Detroit has against semi-attractive white girls in replica jerseys. They’re just out to have fun in These Trying Economic Times like everyone else. And this pretty much summarizes everything I hate about actually going to NFL games on two levels. First, you can’t get belligerent and stupid without some dickcheese in a Brett Favre jersey grabbing your arm. And secondly, you can’t even watch the actual game because the people around you are being belligerent and stupid, and doing so in such a way that throws YOUR belligerence and stupidity off-kilter. Apparently, the only city that’s already figured this out is Jacksonville. It just speaks to how much slower Detroit is than the rest of America.
Video’s after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »
The Detroit Lions have named Matthew Stafford for the 2009 season, going as far as to say that he’ll keep playing–regardless of performance–unless he gets injured. Depending on who you ask, Stafford either played well enough in preseason to close whatever gap there was between him and the wiley vagabond Daunte Culpepper, or coach Jim Schwartz’s “competition” for the job was a sham. Culpepper, whose tiny hands will be sitting on the bench yet again, has gone out of his way to show support for Stafford, releasing a statement through the team:
“Now that the debate is over and the decision has been made regarding the starting quarterback in Detroit, I would like to make the following statement today so that tomorrow I can put all of my energy into helping our team prepare for our opponent,” Culpepper said in the statement.
Culpepper said he restructured the year left on his contract because he would have a chance to vie for the starting job and said he was “excited” when the Lions drafted Stafford No. 1. via.
Excited? So excited that he probably threw a floor lamp through his living room window. Credit to Culpepper for playing the hand he was dealt, and for recognizing the Black Quarterback/White Quarterback dynamic that can divide a locker room when teammates tend to fall in line behind one guy. But Stafford can’t do any worse than Dan Orlovsky’s leisurely stroll out of the end zone last season; and with that kind of baseline, the Lions could start a ‘58 Edsel under center and nobody would care. Or notice, really.
I think of the ability to fail upwards as more of a gift than a skill, one with which former Detroit Lions general manager Matt Millen seems blessed. After being named as an analyst for ESPN’s upcoming NFL coverage this season, that monolith is now reporting that Millen will also be the color guy for the NFL Network’s Thursday Night Football games.
“Matt Millen is one of the best television analysts in the business and we welcome him back to the booth on Thursday Night Football,” NFL Network president and CEO Steve Bornstein said in a statement. “Matt’s candor, knowledge and passion for the NFL, partnered with Bob Papa, make them a very entertaining and informative announcing team.”
Millen was hired in May by ESPN to serve as a college football game analyst and will contribute to ESPN’s NFL studio coverage throughout the year, appearing on “Monday Night Countdown,” “NFL Live,” “SportsCenter,” ESPNEWS and other programs.
Look, I don’t care what kind of TV guy he was before he took the Lions’ GM job in 2001. His credibility is shot; he may as well have “0-16″ tattooed onto his forehead, because that’s the only thing I think of when I see him. Like when some people (not me, but some) see Kobe, all they can think about is Eagle, Colorado. Matt Millen raped an entire franchise, and for these networks to thrust him back in front of a camera as some know-it-all is insulting. Suddenly, not getting the NFL Network is a good thing.
