Anywho, we miss a lot of little tidbits and interesting items during the day, for one reason or another, and not only will I use this as an opportunity to include more hockey news and discuss how humiliating last night’s St. Louis Blues loss was, but I will also lay my reputation as America’s last great gentleman blogger with a girl’s name on the line with 10 bold predictions.
Prepare to have your minds blown. (Side note: I would have posted this yesterday, but my crystal ball just kept telling me: “Dude, the Blues SUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.”)
LeBron James with Jason Petrie (R) making Kenan Thompson seem awesome.
On Saturday, Chicago Bulls fans watched in horror as Derrick Rose’s struggles to remain healthy this season came to the worst case scenario conclusion, when his knee buckled on a play late in the 4th quarter, resulting in a torn ACL. A lot of people asked the question: “Why the hell was he still in with a 12-point lead and very little time left?” But mostly the answer just came in tears. Even I couldn’t help but feel bad and try to cheer Rose up a little.
Alas, this is competitive sports – a world of us-against-them, heroes and villains and people who just don’t have much common sense. For instance, Nike shoe designer and #TeamLeBron yes-man Jason Petrie watched Rose’s injury take place and his reaction was that Tweet you see above. In this case, Pooh is Rose and Petrie is somehow insinuating that the brand that you rep determines whether or not you’ll suffer a serious injury.
Petrie, though, as most people in certain jobs that could be affected by asinine comments like this often do, later apologized in the most sincere way imaginable.
Adding: “Yo, but 4 reelz y’all, D-Rose need-a comeback in dem new Nikes, cuz Adidas gon giv him MLS.”
Petrie obviously apologized once half the Internet wrote about his insult yesterday, and it was probably after he received a memo from Nike on showing a little more tact on social media. His Tweets are sent from a personal account, which he chooses to use to promote the Nike brand, and most notably plant his lips on James’ billionaire butt, though we can’t really blame him for being a feeder fish with a sweet gig.
As far as James, none of this should really fall on him, but hopefully the remarkable PR effort he’s made this season has taught him to shove one of Petrie’s own fresh designs up his ass for this one.
Comedian Will Ferrell handled player introduction duties during last night’s New Orleans Hornets versus Chicago Bulls game, and it didn’t disappoint. I’d say it ranks somewhere between his Ric Flair-inspired character on ‘Eastbound & Down’ and posing as a Venezuelan to pitch for the Round Rock Express as the funniest Will Ferrell sports moment ever.
Highlights include Derrick Rose loving The Notebook, Luol Deng collecting rare birds (and having a pet dolphin named “Chachi”) and Gustavo Ayon being loved despite not speaking “a lick of English”. I know I said this about Dirk Nowitzki, but Will Ferrell should just announce everything.
That statement inspires one of two feelings inside you. The first is a swell of hope and a flood of memories from 65 years of America’s greatest team sport. The second, most succinctly summed up as “meh”, only allows you to enjoy basketball when jumping online to tell a bunch of strangers on the Internet how little of a sh*t you give about basketball being back. More than football, more than wonderful old boring baseball, pro basketball (especially now, especially after all that) divides us right down the middle, leaving us cheering with tears in our eyes or dismissing with a wanking motion.
To illustrate this point, see Exhibit A: TNT’s NBA Opening Day montage. Michael Jordan is giving respeck knuckles to Derrick Rose. Wilt Chamberlain is slapping Dwight Howard on the ass. Magic is no-look f**king passing to Kobe Bryant. It should give you goosebumps. If it doesn’t, please consult the second video, wherein a drunk guy in a Santa suit gets great tickets to an opening day game and uses his time to yell WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM SANTA, A RING to LeBron James while he shoots free throws.
If NBA ownership was decreed based on thoroughness of beard, this guy would own the entire league. He’s Him (so let him do it).
And now, a few links about another guy with a beard. Stories unrelated.
’80s Sitcom Predicted Year of Gaddafi’s Death - I’m going to pitch the idea for a Nostradamus sitcom and predict like 100 things in every episode, then enjoy a resurgence in my show’s popularity 20 years later when the sh*t happens to be true. ‘Oh no, Sheldon, George Lucas died! This is the saddest thing to happen in 2028!’ etc. [Warming Glow]
The Guy Who Found Gadhafi Was Wearing A New York Yankees Cap, Has The Dictator’s Famed Golden Gun - And now he can kill your playoff hopes in one shot. [UPROXX]
Best Twitter Reactions To The Death Of Muammar Gaddafi - I hope his name being spelled differently in each of these three links was on purpose. Here’s a fourth: Chudoffy! [Buzzfeed]
Awesome People Hanging Out With Bill Murray - Muammar doesn’t show up on this, although he probably should. Bill Murray rules, and I’d sell my soul for one of those Fantastic Mr. Fox characters. [UPROXX]
Zombie Barbie: Finally A Barbie Doll We Can Support - Our culture needs a new funny occupation, as zombie, ninja and pirate are all extremely played out. Butcher, maybe? Butchers can be funny. [Gamma Squad]
The Curious Case Of Derrick Rose - The NBA Lockout is just like Benjamin Button. Nothing’s happening, but it’s taking forever. [Smoking Section]
Game Over, This is the World’s Greatest Baby Costume - It is pretty great. I think blackface works when you make it a luchador mask. [Film Drunk]
Walt Disney’s Sin City: The Mash-Up You’ve Been Waiting For - Still not as good as Frank Miller’s Sim City, created right around the time I gave up trying to be creative on the Internet. [Gamma Squad]
The Dugout: World Series 2011 Game 1 - Speaking of not being creative, this Dugout needs your traffic and comments. Elvis Andrus! [The Dugout]
Forget Drunkorexia, Olivia Munn Is Into Drunkersize - Maybe she should get into Drunk Acting Classes so I can like her for something besides boobs and freckles. [FARK]
TV-Inspired Halloween Costumes - My TV-inspired Halloween costume this year is better than all of these, pending me being able to pull it off. After the awesome costumes of 2009 and 2010, I’ve got a lot to live up to. [AOL TV]
Five Horror Film Curses You’ll Swear Are Real - You know, I swear these five horror film curses are real. [The Smoking Jacket]