Next Media Animation’s latest video is easy their most accurate, succinctly explaining the NBA Lockout situation to foreign audiences and stoned people on the Internet by having commissioner David Stern (wearing a blazer with a big “STERN” on the back) avenge the death of a cubist man representing the Detroit Pistons franchise by breaking into Derek Fisher’s house with a chainsaw, cutting in half a pizza Kobe had baked with LeBron James and scaring LeBron so badly he travels to China and loses at basketball and is emasculated by a communist panda. Stern is then free to get married to a hairy guy in a Time Warner Cable wedding dress. Taiwanese animation is such a better educational tool than Twitter.

In all seriousness, and as per usual, this video is f**king hilarious and insane. I’m not sure why Stern looks like Mr. Burns, and I think the only truly accurate moment is a salary cap causing LeBron’s head to burst into flames. We should cancel the rest of the season and just have Next Media Animation animate the games.

[h/t Sportress of Blogitude]

On July 1, as the league’s collective bargaining agreement expired, the NBA’s owners locked out the players. Between that day and September 1, the two sides met for negotiations one time. They barely even spoke during July before they finally scheduled three meetings for August, and even then they only honored one of those meetings. The reason I am re-hashing this garbage is because the players have had three and a half months to do one simple thing – remain loyal to the fans. They failed, as did the owners.

Instead of reaching out to the fans to side with them, the players showed indifference, as many of them shifted their attention to Europe and China to get their big paychecks, a far-fetched yet complete slap in the face of the American NBA fans who have long lined the pockets of the owners and players. Instead of asking us to flex our muscles against the owners, the players, led by players union rep Derek Fisher and executive director Billy Hunter, just said, “Screw it, we’re willing to sit this one out.”

Until now. Because now, as yet another deadline has passed, the players finally went to their fan arsenal for some crucial ammunition. Too bad the chambers are empty.

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"Ooooooooooo, I don't know, the rest of October is going to be pretty tight..."

After Tuesday’s all-important, ultimate decision-making meeting between the NBA owners and players, we were treated not only to another deadline threat from commissioner David Stern, but also a statement by union director Billy Hunter that he and the players just don’t have time to meet this month. Stern, of course, said that if a deal isn’t reached by Monday, the first series of regular season games will be canceled, and neither side bothered to set up a follow-up meeting for today, tomorrow, or Saturday.

Naturally, we can blame Yom Kippur for the lack of meetings tomorrow and Saturday, as Stern, Jordan Farmar and Amar’e Stoudemire have plans. But the lack of urgency for meeting today has now left Sunday as the super duper spectacular in-your-face most important meeting ever. So how’s that gonna go?

Before they walked away from each other and plunged the N.B.A. into limbo, owners and players discussed the most basic, equitable-sounding solution to their conflict: a 50-50 split of league revenue.

The players rejected the offer — which was made in an informal side session at Tuesday’s bargaining meeting — because it represented a 7 percent, or $280 million, reduction from the current level. Their last offer was 53 percent, with indications they would go to 52.

(Via the New York Times)

Player rep Derek Fisher, seen above whistling “Winds of Change,” said that this was a move by the owners to give the players a chance to back down. And they didn’t. Good for them. Because what’s going to come next will be a worse offer from the owners. Then an even worse offer. Then decertification of the union. Then the season is gone. And at this point, nobody should care about the players anymore, because regular people are being affected.

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After being criticized for their collective absence from labor negotiations, the NBA’s biggest stars showed up to Friday’s meeting between the NBA owners and players union in New York City to flex their muscles. It was a pretty strong statement from the guys who are facing the danger of losing their paychecks and simply having to live off of their endorsements, especially since they had to travel all the way to North Carolina the next day for Chris Paul’s CP3 Foundation charity tournament.

Players rep Derek Fisher went as far as to tell reporters that stars like LeBron James, Carmelo Anthony, and Dwyane Wade, among others, had been very active and vocal at the previous meetings, but since the two sides only met once in July and August, and then just a few more times in September, it doesn’t really mean much. So what happened when James, Anthony, and Wade rolled into Friday’s meeting? Sh*t got real.

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"RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE COMIC SANS!"

Yesterday, NBA Players Union President Derek Fisher finally took a major step forward in not only the public relations war but in the general process of ending the NBA Lockout. Fisher wrote and sent a letter to every player – and of course someone passed it along to Sports Illustrated’s Sam Amick – and the letter basically declared that two parties were to blame for the lack of progress in solving this whole mess – the owners and agents. Cue the dramatic chipmunk.

Fisher’s letter explained that there was a huge, unmentioned rift among the owners and that was the reason that they couldn’t establish a jumping off point in solving the collective bargaining agreement. The players then spent most of the day meeting in Las Vegas, after the owners had their most recent meeting on Tuesday. Now it is being reported that the owners rift is real and that we can thank Phoenix Suns owner Robert Sarver and Cleveland Cavaliers owner Dan Gilbert for everything.

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"Time for a vacation!"

Yesterday, the NBA owners and players union met for what many analysts called a critical conversation that would decide the fate of the league’s camps and preseason games beginning on time. Well, if you’re a fan of training camps and preseason games, I’ve got bad news – the meeting went terribly and you’re poop outta luck. If only the league’s commissioner, David Stern, could put the result of the meeting in a fabulous light.

“Well, we did not have a great day, I think it’s fair to say that,” Commissioner David Stern said. “On the other hand, we did say that it is our collective task to decide what we want on the one hand on each side, and two, what each side needs if we choose to work ourselves in such a way as to have the season start on time. That’s still our goal.” (Via Forbes)

As I have often pointed out, the NBA Lockout began on July 1. Today is September 14, and the commissioner of the league is just now telling us that both sides have set a goal to figure out what they want. In reality, it shouldn’t take more than two months for the players to say they want a 50/50 split of all revenue and the owners to say they want shorter max deals and a harder cap. But apparently it’s easier to find a Lohan a job.

As for Players Union President Derek Fisher, he also thinks that the preseason is a complete wash.

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