"You tell me, herp should I derp?"

Since officially becoming a free agent on Wednesday, Peyton Manning is the most popular dude at the desperation party, as basically any team in need of a quarterback is banging down his door. While Manning apparently claimed that he will have a decision made by the end of next week, the Kansas City Chiefs have set the bar with an unknown offer.

Meanwhile, the Denver Broncos are supposedly willing to do whatever it takes to land Manning, and even people in Philadelphia are calling for the Eagles to sign him. And, of course, Miami Dolphins owner Stephen Ross has his checkbook out as he laughs at everyone. So what the hell is really going on? You know, with the guy’s surgically repaired neck and that stuff that sort of matters.

“His risk really is very low,” said Dr. Robert S. Bray Jr., who has worked with NHL star Sidney Crosby and whose DISC Sports & Spine Center provides medical services for the U.S. Olympic team.

“If I was a team, I’d ask, ‘Did (the fusion) heal? Do you have a CAT scan that showed it healed? Is the rest of neck in pretty good shape?”‘ Bray asked. “If those two answers are yes, then it gets down to, ‘OK, get out on the field and show me you can perform,’ because it will only get better from here with time.” (Via the Indy Star)

I’m no NFL general manager, but I assume that all of the guys who are figuring out ways to kill each other to sign Manning probably already asked this question and that’s why they’re doing what they’re doing. But having been a Dolphins fan for this long, I still worry that maybe Jeff Ireland doesn’t put too much thought into something like this and Manning could be rolling around in one of those electric wheelchairs powered by a straw and he’d be like, “So let me tell you why you’d be great in Miami.”

Also, photoshops like this do more harm to my sports sensitivity than they do my hopes…

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"Man, I can't wait to live in Kansas City."

On Friday, a very poor quality video of a guy in a white helmet throwing a football at Duke University showed up on YouTube and people were like, “Well Peyton Manning has a white helmet and he’s been hanging out at Duke, so it must be him!” And it makes sense that it’s Manning, because he has just a few days left before the Indianapolis Colts either owe him $28 million or have to cut him, and because of the new CBA the Colts can’t be at Duke to watch him throw the ball and prove that he’s healthy.

Instead, as the Internet’s greatest sports conspiracy theorists have noted, Manning could conveniently “leak” this video to show Colts owner Jim Irsay that all is good, as they say, in the hood, while also allowing the pack of rabid, quarterback-starved-teams drooling over a free agent Manning to witness his rehabilitation from a fourth neck surgery.

That Manning clan – full of the crafty ones, I tells ya.

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File this under: News that was buried because it didn’t involve love triangles with Katy Perry and Kim Kardashian or bromances with Jeremy Lin. Last week, I pointed out that a surprising amount of athletes attended the second annual Cartoon Network Hall of Game Awards, from host Shaquille O’Neal to New York Giants hero Victor “We Get It Already, You Salsa” Cruz, and somewhere in between was last year’s flavor, Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow. On hand to accept the Captain Clutch award, which I assume he later texted a picture of to Matt Prater, Tebow was actually doing something much cooler by attending.

He was treating 10-year old Colorado cancer patient Presli Collins to her very first date.

Of the invite from Tebow, which was received through his foundation Wish 15, Lisa Collins said, “She’s just gone through a lot, and when we got the notice for this, she was just completely shocked.” She went onto say that Tebow “treated Presli like a princess, made her feel like she was the star, which was just amazing.”

At the end of the event, Tebow told Presli, “Thank you for being an amazing date.” (Via Fox News Insider)

I don’t know if I just didn’t notice that little tidbit at the time (possibly) or if it was just grossly under-reported (probably), but that’s a pretty awesome move by Tebow. In a time when YouTube date requests have just gotten out of hand – my demand still stands, Emma Stone! – it’s nice to see Tebow pick one that’s hugely admirable. And don’t think I’m the only one who noticed, because singer Taylor Swift was reportedly showing her appreciation of Tebow at an Oscar party Friday night.

Sources say Tebow and Swift were “quite flirty” but I heard they went all the way. That’s right… he touched her elbow. No word yet on when Swift will release her double album, “Touchdowns & Heartbreaks”, celebrating her six day romance with the man of her dreams and how he ended up just another Gyllenhaal in her nightmares.

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Back To School Iron Man star Robert Downey Jr. “Tebowed” before presenting the Oscar for Best Documentary at Sunday night’s 84th Annual Academy Awards, briefly reviving a Kirk Douglas-aged meme and making people who think Robert Downey Jr. is funny think Robert Downey Jr. is f**king hilarious.

Gwyneth Paltrow should’ve worn a Knicks jersey and pretended she was Mr. Yunioshi from Breakfast at Tiffany’s. Next year the first 20 minutes of the broadcast should just be Cirque de Soleil planking with Touch Of Evil playing in the background.

But hey, Downey’s facetious Tebowing was far from the only Oscars sports news, as three important things happened — Robin Roberts joined Best Supporting Actress winner for The Help and Auburn alumna Octavia Spencer in namedropping “War Eagle” on the red carpet, Best Picture nominee Moneyball got completely shut out and Taiwan’s Next Media Animation did a recap where they called the Oscars the “gay Super Bowl” and had host Billy Crystal run a 9-hour relay race.

Of course that video is below.

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Photo credit: Shutterstock

Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow was in Los Angeles yesterday, appearing at a Boys & Girls Club event, when one of the young girls in attendance asked the most important question in the history of mankind: Why have people allowed the Kardashians to become stars? Is Tim Tebow dating singer Katy Perry?

See that? Even pre-teen girls ask more in-depth questions than Peter King. But as straight forward and legitimate as the question was, Tebow couldn’t even show the young girl the respect of offering her an honest answer.

Said the super dreamy QB:

“No, me and Katy Perry don’t have a thing, but she’s a very good artist,” he said, smiling when asked by one of the kids in the group.

“I’m single.” (Via USA Today)

They don’t have a thing? Define “a thing”, Tim. I knew a guy in college who used to get blackout drunk and go home with the same heavy-set girl every weekend and he denied they were “a thing”, too. But he still tried his hardest to convince us that he slept on her couch every time he called one of us to pick him up on Saturday mornings. I wish I could believe Tebow, but his name is just being linked to too many female celebrities these days. Sure, I’m one of the people linking him, but if I can’t believe my own ridiculous rumors, then who the hell can I believe?

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By all accounts, Chrissy Teigen may be one of the coolest girls on Earth. She’s a Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Model, which makes us obligated to like her, but she’s also one of the funniest people on Twitter. We don’t talk about her as much as we’d like to, though, because she’s engaged to singer John Legend, and that means that single Kate Upton will always hold the top spot. Thankfully, the two super duper models were both guests on the Dan Patrick Show today, which undoubtedly means that a group of radio interns spent most of the morning wiping up their own drool.

Alas, as you can see, Teigen and Upton were joined by a friend, Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow, and Teigen simply couldn’t contain her Twitter excitement.

Memo to Tebow: Frame this, because it’s 1,000,000,000 times better than a MVP award could ever be.