Denny Green couldn't resist

Former Pro Bowl quarterback and noted sex boat enthusiast Daunte Culpepper will play in the UFL next season. Culpepper will be a member of the Sacramento Mountain Lions, who are coached by Denny Green. Green also serves as the team’s general manager. Unfortunately for both, Randy Moss will not be around to make them look way better than they actually are.

Adam Schefter of ESPN reports that Culpepper is putting the finishing touches on a contract with the UFL’s Sacramento Mountain Lions, a deal that would make him the biggest name in the burgeoning league and would reunite Culpepper with Dennis Green, the Mountain Lions’ head coach and general manager. Green previously coached Culpepper with the Minnesota Vikings. –PFT

Denny Green is head coach and general manager? That’s a very questionable decision by Mountain Lions staff. Was Jim Fassel not avaible for an interview? He wasn’t? Oh, that’s just shameful. Denny Green also washes the uniforms and makes breakfast for the team every morning. He’s not much of a coach, but he makes a mean bowl of buttery grits.

Denny Green’s most prominent failure as a head coach, you know, despite not taking any of those talented Vikings teams to the Super Bowl, has to be the Monday Night game in 2006 when his Cardinals blew a 20-point lead over the then-undefeated Chicago Bears. That post-game press conference from Green has rightfully taken its place among the greatest sound- and video-bites in all of sport, reaching its hilarious climax with the phrase, “They are who we thought they were!” And Green is doing everything he can to earn a little coin for the noteriety.

Green is cashing in thanks to trademarking the phrase, selling items and for another year and having his lines in Coors Light commercials. Interesting side note before I run this thing. I noticed Green was also selling a “We Let Them Off The Hook” hat as part of his merchandise line. This was the last bit of the rant. Well, Coach Green, it turns out, has trademarked that phrase too.

The merch is for sale at DennisGreen.com, and they make a perfect give for that choke artist friend or lover of yours. Relive the magic of the moment with the press conference video after the jump.

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Actually, I got that headline from a mythical land called Common Senseville. As I write this post, Dennis Green still has his job. Although if you can tell me why then you should probably be getting back to your job at the think tank. Or the cold fusion laboratory.

Yes, Dennis Green and the Cardinals lost to the Raiders 22-9 yesterday. No, I'm not quite sure how it happened, either. That would involve me actually reading the recap from the game, and to be honest I just don't have the time or the inclination.

What does Green have to do to get fired? I thought the meltdown against the Bears would be enough, but apparently not. Does he have tenure or something? I mean, when you can add outcoached by Art Shell to your resume, it's usually time to get your walking papers. Maybe I can help move things along: Dennis Green, I hereby present you the Matt Millen Award for Extraordinary Incompetence. The trophy is a scuplture made of human waste and Will Leitch's tears.