As if Aremenian boy barfight MMA wasn’t bad enough, today’s big mainstream news story tackles the next step down on the boyfighting evolutionary ladder … three awful, awful Delaware women were arrested and charged with assault, reckless endangerment, endangering the welfare of a child and conspiracy for organizing what is more or less a toddler fight club. No, seriously. They lined up kids at day care, made them punch each other and taped it with their cell phones.

Here’s the report from CNN, which Nancy Grace has been masturbating to since yesterday afternoon.

Authorities have not released the video but say one day care worker said “No pinching, only punching” after one of the boys complained that the other had pinched him.

The video purportedly shows seven other children seated in the room with their backs to the fighting, according to police.

“It’s not like they didn’t know what was going on, and they were just encouraging them to continue,” [Dover Police Captain] Stump said. “One of the children attempted to run, but one of the teachers pushes him back into the fray.

I don’t know if it’s the rise of Tyler Durden, an increased awareness of dogfighting or too many Pokémon games, but apparently we have to make everything fight everything else now. One of the creepiest parts of the story is that the women made the other kids line up with their backs to the fighting and wait their turn, which is either the most gladiatorial or Blair Witch Project thing I’ve ever heard.

A Division Of Family Services spokesperson says the women “could be prohibited from working in the public sector, especially with children or senior citizens”, because I guess “make them fight each other on camera and then shoot them all into the sun” isn’t something the Division Of Family Services can organize.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, the only people who’d be more interested in this than Nancy Grace (Taiwan’s Next Media Animation) have already whipped up a piece about the story. Yes, it contains bloody, slow-motion uppercuts.

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This barely-sports-related story out of Delaware kinda left a bitter taste in my mouth (on the bright side, I finally know how you mom feels after all these years). State troopers showed up at a guy’s driveway recently, not because he was beating his wife or cooking meth or ripping the tags off his mattresses, but because he had a basketball hoop in front of his house.

DelDOT said the hoops violated Delaware’s “Clear Zone” law, which prohibits trees, shrubs, hoops and other objects from being within seven feet of the edge of the pavement in subdivisions.

This hoop, which her husband said had been up for 60 years, fell under state scrutiny, along with seven other hoops, after an anonymous letter from someone in the neighborhood complained.

–The Consumerist.

This is just sad. No, I’m not talking about the state just seizing property while law enforcement officials point to some archaic law while just “doing their jobs.” I meant that it’s sad that people in Delaware still think that they’re good at baskeball. Jeez, Delaware. Get with it. Read the rest of this entry »

After a losing decision from a panel of judges from the 3rd Circuit Court of Appeals, the state of Delaware is now petitioning for its case to be heard by the entire Court, and not just by a smidgeon of judges.

The request comes two weeks after a three-judge Circuit Court panel in Philadelphia ruled Delaware’s sports-betting plan violated federal law. The ruling limited Delaware to allowing parlay betting on NFL games only. That wagering, which requires bettors to correctly predict the outcomes of at least three games, was launched at the state’s three horse racing track-based casinos last Thursday, the day the NFL regular season began. via.

Seven of the Court’s 12 judges must approve the petition…wait a second, seven of twelve?! How many judges does a federal circuit need? Are there even 12 people that live in the state of Delaware? But honestly, it’s ridiculous that you can bet on anything in Nevada, but you can’t bet anywhere else. It’s like Jack in the Box serving breakfast all day, but nobody else does. Although I’m not sure what Taco Bell would ever serve for breakfast, aside from day-old flan and a bottle of tequila.

Those of you hoping to lay down some sports betting in The First State this football season had better sit down. I should say “those of us,” actually: those great, visionary plans from the state of Delaware to offer single-game, multi-sport betting within its borders have been shot down in court.

A federal appeals court ruled Monday that sports betting in Delaware would violate a 1992 federal ban on such wagering, essentially halting the state’s plans to start taking bets next month.

Speaking for a three-judge panel, Judge Theodore McKee said Monday that the betting plan as currently envisioned violates the federal ban. A written opinion explaining the judges’ reasoning will be issued at a later date. via, via.

The unanimous ruling from the panel makes an appeal unlikely, which is a damn shame, because it seems like the federal government imposed the ban because they had nothing better to do. The leagues and the NCAA obviously oppose it; they’d rather see you spend $25 on a t-shirt than taking Boise State and the points. This truly is a sad day for America; I’ll just have to find some other medium to piss away my (not-so) hard-earned cash.

Apparently what will happen in Dover will stay in Dover, as the leagues of the four team sports and the NCAA won’t have their federal lawsuit heard before December. I could be spending Thanksgiving in Delaware, putting everything on whoever is playing Detroit that day. No, don’t tell me who it is! You’ll ruin the fun…

In a statement the leagues’ lawyer, Kenneth Nachbar, said: “We continue to oppose more legalized gambling on our games and we are evaluating our options.”

In Delaware, Gov. Jack Markell’s spokesman, Joe Rogalsky, said: “The state is moving forward with its plans to offer a full compliment of sports lottery options by the start of the NFL season Sept. 10. We look forward to a vindication of our position at trial in December.” via.

Frankly, I don’t give a damn what the pro leagues want; it’s more fun to wager money on your favorite team than it is to buy one of those ugly hats that the NFL seems to release every year. And somebody needs to explain to me how their product is hurt by more people becoming interested in the results of your events. And spare me the puritan trash about the one guy who wagers himself into oblivion because he has no self-control and Daddy didn’t love him enough or he has that really cool version of autism where he kicks ass at math and sucks at everything else. Besides, nothing would make me happier than to see the NFL, NBA, and NCAA not get their way for once. Those are the bastards that need to work on self-control issues.

The No Fun League is in the midst of setting up a counterattack to a decision from the Supreme Court of Delaware that will allow betting on single games or multi-game parlays in 2009, a decision which should be forever known as Stodgy Bastards v. Awesomeness. The NFL will likely focus its challenge to the single-game betting proposal that many aspiring degenerates would prefer.

“The clear preference for those who wager on sports is to bet on a single game,” says Anthony Cabot, a Las Vegas attorney who specializes in gaming law. “It’s far more popular than simply offering parlay cards.”

“They have several avenues they can take,” Cabot said. “One way is to attack its legality under the state constitution.”

The Delaware Supreme Court has ruled that a sports lottery is legal under the state constitution when “chance was the dominant, determining factor” in that betting system. In their May decision to keep the sports lottery intact, the current justices didn’t directly address single-game wagering. [via]

And now New Jersey has already filed suit in federal court in order for that state to enjoy the economic rewards of people making poorly-conceived sports prognostications. I never understood why everyone, state AND federal, didn’t just legalize gambling and then tax the hell out of it. You’ll get way more than the 40 percent you’re taking out of my paycheck, you limey bastards. Unless, of course, the Giants manage to cover. Stupid Giants. [via]