No matter how many times I write “No way is this true” and “I refuse to believe it” and “I pictured it and now I can’t get an erection,” Madonna and Alex Rodriguez really do seem to be dating.  And the stories from anonymous sources are only getting more sickening:

Sources close to the music superstar and the New York Yankees slugger claim Madonna is truly smitten by A-Rod, allegedly telling a close pal Rodriguez ”has the heart of a poet trapped inside an insanely gorgeous body.”

Rodriguez himself is said to be something of a romantic — penning not Madonna poems, but sweet, personal and rambling expressions of his feelings.

I get that from the ladies all the time.  “The heart of a poet trapped inside an insanely gorgeous body.”  Only the poet they’re talking about is Bukowski, and the insanely gorgeous body is Kate Moss’s.