Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress,who was suspended by the team for habitual lateness and absenteeism, is also dodging payment on damage he allegedly did to a rental car.  The New York Post reports:

[Burress] has dodged calls from Khoury Alternative Claims Management, a San Antonio-based third-party administrator trying to catch up with the Giants receiver about some damage he did to a rental car. Burress returned a Suburban on June 2 to Epic Car and Truck Rental in Clifton, N.J., with scratches and dents in the bumper. He paid $996.95 for the rental but owed another $1,759 in damages. Burress dropped the car off after hours and never informed anyone of the damages.

Good for him.  To hell with rental car agencies.  Do not pass Go, do not collect $200, go straight to hell.  And anyone who doesn’t agree has never stood in a ten-deep line at the airport at midnight after a six-hour flight while the one person on duty slowly gets each person their car.  We have reservations!  You KNOW there’s going to be a crowd!  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HAVE MORE THAN ONE PERSON WORKING.  Assholes.

NFL – It may have been utterly meaningless and despoiled by the presence of Redskins fans, but NFL players were doing something other than discussing holdouts and Brett Favre for the first time in about six months. The Redskins first team offense scored on its opening drive (which is all anyone really cares about) as the 'Skins went on to rout the Colts 30-16. Colt Brennan burned some scrubs in the second half, going 9-of-10 with 123 yards and two TDs. And college football camps open today!

AL – Oh yeah, this sport. Well, the Royals and the White Sox had them a decent brawl, so that was okay. The Yankees got a series split with the Angels by scoring 14 runs in their final four at-bats to win 14-9. Sounds like a football score, fellas, albeit one between the Bears and the 49ers. That's not helping me quiet the football jones…The Rays win by the majestic clincher that is the walkoff walk…The Twins continue to draw from the stolen rally wheelchair to take the AL Central lead from the White Sox with a 6-2 win over the Indians.

NL - Reed Johnson and Alfonso Soriano go back-to-back to push the Cubs past the Pirates and their NL Central lead to five games over the Brewers, who got blanked by the Braves… Manny Ramirez had four hits, including a homer, to push the Dodgers to the empyrean heights of a game over .500…The Nats swept someone? Like, another baseball team? In a baseball series? Not in a pool tournament or something? Really? Get out… Brad Lidge held on to stay perfect in save chances this season, as the Phillies survived the Cards 5-4.

Misc. – Braves announcer "Skip" Caray, son of famed Cubs announcer Harry Caray, died at the age of 68 yesterday. Caray called games for the Braves on radio and TV since 1964. He admitted in April that he was dealing with diabetes and a host of other medical issues.

The city of Indianapolis and their brand new stadium will be hosting the 2012 Super Bowl. Kill me now. 

Indy beat Houston and Phoenix in a vote of the league’s 32 owners after losing by just two votes to Dallas for the 2011 game. Despite its cold weather, Indianapolis had been expected to win because its competitors have hosted a Super Bowl since opening their stadiums.

And their competitors have something to offer as a city, like heat in February, and shit to do while you're there. But they didn't have Dennis Hopper, apparently. 

Actor Dennis Hopper, nominated for an Oscar for his role as an alchoholic basketball coach in "Hoosiers," is lending his star power to Indianapolis in its bid for the 2012 Super Bowl. Hopper appears in a video that is part of the city's 15-minute presentation before the NFL's 32 owners today in the Atlanta suburb of Buckhead. Owners will vote for a winner between presumed favorite Indianapolis and competitors Houston and the Phoenix areas.

Dennis Hopper could stick his head up a bull's ass, but I'd rather take the butcher's word for it. God, I hate Indy. 

[IndyStar can suck my balls] 

If MasterCard, Sprint, and Gatorade commercials have taught me anything, it's that Peyton Manning is a nice, charming guy who just wants us to be hydrated while paying for great telecommunications services with a versatile, widely accepted credit card.  But this Manning commercial is kinda weird.  I'm not even sure what he's selling.  He's just yelling and swearing a lot.  Does he want me to join the Marines?  Because I tried that already.  Don't let Peyton sell you on that sweet dress uniform, man.  You'll wear Kevlar and a flak jacket a hell of a lot more than you will those dress blues.  And as much as the Corps is trying to embrace new technology, they're still not issuing laser rocket arms.

[FanHaus] 

Actually, what Dan Dierdorf said was, "That Shawne Merriman is a pass-rushin' son of a gun," after Merriman pressured Peyton Manning into throwing an incomplete pass on a 4th down with just 2 minutes to play. That Dan Dierdorf is a one hell of a football analyst. And what a wordsmith! With LaDainaian Tomlinson and Antonio Gates on the sidelines for much of the game, and back-up quarterback Billy Volek leading San Diego on their winning touchdown drive because of a second-half injury to Philip Rivers, one wonders how they'll compete against the mighty Patriots:

"We're prepared for everybody," [Bill Belichick] said. "As we saw today, any number of players could be in the game." 

He seems like he would be a lot of fun at parties, doesn't he? The Chief will unleash his acerbic wit on this weekend's divisional playoff games tomorrow morning in the Monday Suck-Off, but before I wrap up the weekend shift, did you notice the common theme of the winners? They all had two-word location names. Just as Nostradamus predicted. What will be the common theme for next week's winners? I bet it's that I hate them with the fire of a thousand suns. -KD  

Brad from Harrisonburg, VA: An nfl.com article stated: "Because of the antics of Jaguars mascot Jaxson de Ville, a rule was instituted that all NFL mascots must stay behind the six-foot white border around the field at all times during games." What incident is this alluding to?

Vic: Jaxson spent a little too much time on the field for Colts President Bill Polian's tastes during the Monday night game on Oct. 22. Polian filed a complaint with the league.

So… yeah.  Polian didn't enjoy Jaxson's capering, so he bitched to the higher-ups.  He must be so proud of himself.  I tried to picture a scenario where I could file a mascot-related complaint with a straight face, and the best I could come up with is if the San Diego Chicken raped my mother.  But even then, it'd probably be a little funny.  That chicken's just so zany!

[FanHaus] 

For the sake of Colts' fans, I hope they weren't listening to Bob Lamey's radio call on Sunday night.  For the sake of hilarity, I hope they were.

Lamey also wants you to know that Dewey defeated Truman, the polar ice caps are fine, and Bambi's mom is okay… wait, no good.  I'm sorry.

[SPORTSbyBROOKS] 

Kissing Suzy Kolber is having a bit of fun with this screen grab from Sunday night's Colts' implosion.  This was around the time that Adam Vinatieri shanked the game away, but before Peyton Manning threw his game-ending sixth interception.  Good times.

I particularly enjoy Jim Sorgi's expression here.  He's got that "concentrating on something far away" look that normal people get when a raving derelict enters a subway car.  If I don't look at him he won't hurt me.  Then he leaves the car and you can be all, "Yeah, that guy was fucked up, but I was ready to do something if shit went down."  Sorgi knows what I'm talking about.  He's a hindsight badass.

Well, sexy people, it's another Monday morning, and it was another Sunday chock full o' sucktastic badness in the NFL.  Let's get straight to the contenders, because it's Veteran's Day — a holiday dedicated to ME — and I'm not gonna waste time with frilly verbiage when I should be taking the day off.

The Browns' Derek Anderson deserves a mention for his second-half shitfest that helped the Steelers get back into the game; Joe Gibbs's play-calling hasn't changed since the 1980s; and the Green Bay Packers are officially evil for hurting our Purple Savior.  C'mon, Green Bay, wasn't pitching the shutout enough?  Oh, and remember when Brian Billick was an offensive genius?  His team almost got shut out by the team that gave up 51 to the Browns.

But the big winners of the Suck-Off are Peyton Manning and Adam Vinatieri, who combined forces to out-suck Norv Turner, the gold standard of sucking.  Manning threw a franchise-record six interceptions in the Colts' 23-21 loss.  Of course, Marvin Harrison and Dallas Clark were out with injuries, but I didn't realize their substitutes were wearing Chargers jerseys.  Vinatieri missed two field goals, including a chip-shot would-be game-winner with less than two minutes to play, cementing his status as past his prime and overpaid.  The best part about this Colts' loss (other than the schadenfreude)?  KSK's Unsilent Majority will be giving up masturbation for a month because of it.  It's gonna be just like that shitty Josh Hartnett movie, what's it called?  30 Days of Night.  Yeah, it'll be like that, except instead of vampires he'll have to fight his urge to jerk it.

SITE NEWS: Yes, I'm going to go enjoy a day off.  If you had a holiday dedicated to you, you'd take it off, too.  Unfortunately, until Sloth and Incompetence Day becomes a federal holiday, you'll just have to deal with it.  Anyway, don't worry, I've got a couple more videos and posts that will go up through the day so you don't get too lonely.

Here's the video of the Colts' favorite "crowd noise CD" skipping during World War III yesterday.  Well, kinda the video.  I don't remember half of the screen being green yesterday.  Phil Simms and Jim Nantz do a nice job of acting like nothing at all happens, even though the cheering skips for several seconds before abruptly stopping.  And because it's en vogue to bitch about radios not working, Tom Brady stated that he worked most of yesterday's game without any radio connection to Coach Bill Belichick.

Ugh, I'm tired of this lame-ass "cheating" that every other homer fan bitches about.  Ooh, videotaping signals!  Fake cheering!  Radio jamming!!!  Gosh, how can an opponent play though that?  Wake me up when an assistant coach breaks into an opponent's headquarters and steals a playbook, or an entire team gets poisoned by double-agent caterers.  Or someone frames Ray Lewis for murder.  Yeahhhhh… "frames." 

At least that stuff might actually affect a game, or maybe even make me give a shit. 

FACT-Y UPDATE — Colts cleared: "CBS has informed us that the unusual audio moment heard by fans during the Patriots-Colts game was the result of tape feedback in the CBS production truck and was isolated to the CBS broadcast," NFL vice president Greg Aiello tells us. "It was in no way related to any sound within the stadium and could not be heard in the stadium."  Whatever, CBS is totally covering for them.