“No, no. I’m afraid this is… uh… MEXICO Burress. Yeah, Mexico! Easy mistake to make. Yep, hope you find him.”

Giants wide receiver Plaxico Burress,who was suspended by the team for habitual lateness and absenteeism, is also dodging payment on damage he allegedly did to a rental car.  The New York Post reports:

[Burress] has dodged calls from Khoury Alternative Claims Management, a San Antonio-based third-party administrator trying to catch up with the Giants receiver about some damage he did to a rental car. Burress returned a Suburban on June 2 to Epic Car and Truck Rental in Clifton, N.J., with scratches and dents in the bumper. He paid $996.95 for the rental but owed another $1,759 in damages. Burress dropped the car off after hours and never informed anyone of the damages.

Good for him.  To hell with rental car agencies.  Do not pass Go, do not collect $200, go straight to hell.  And anyone who doesn’t agree has never stood in a ten-deep line at the airport at midnight after a six-hour flight while the one person on duty slowly gets each person their car.  We have reservations!  You KNOW there’s going to be a crowd!  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HAVE MORE THAN ONE PERSON WORKING.  Assholes.

NFL – It may have been utterly meaningless and despoiled by the presence of Redskins fans, but NFL players were doing something other than discussing holdouts and Brett Favre for the first time in about six months. The Redskins first team offense scored on its opening drive (which is all anyone really cares about) as the 'Skins went on to rout the Colts 30-16. Colt Brennan burned some scrubs in the second half, going 9-of-10 with 123 yards and two TDs. And college football camps open today!

AL – Oh yeah, this sport. Well, the Royals and the White Sox had them a decent brawl, so that was okay. The Yankees got a series split with the Angels by scoring 14 runs in their final four at-bats to win 14-9. Sounds like a football score, fellas, albeit one between the Bears and the 49ers. That's not helping me quiet the football jones…The Rays win by the majestic clincher that is the walkoff walk…The Twins continue to draw from the stolen rally wheelchair to take the AL Central lead from the White Sox with a 6-2 win over the Indians.

NL - Reed Johnson and Alfonso Soriano go back-to-back to push the Cubs past the Pirates and their NL Central lead to five games over the Brewers, who got blanked by the Braves… Manny Ramirez had four hits, including a homer, to push the Dodgers to the empyrean heights of a game over .500…The Nats swept someone? Like, another baseball team? In a baseball series? Not in a pool tournament or something? Really? Get out… Brad Lidge held on to stay perfect in save chances this season, as the Phillies survived the Cards 5-4.

Misc. – Braves announcer "Skip" Caray, son of famed Cubs announcer Harry Caray, died at the age of 68 yesterday. Caray called games for the Braves on radio and TV since 1964. He admitted in April that he was dealing with diabetes and a host of other medical issues.

The city of Indianapolis and their brand new stadium will be hosting the 2012 Super Bowl. Kill me now. 

Indy beat Houston and Phoenix in a vote of the league’s 32 owners after losing by just two votes to Dallas for the 2011 game. Despite its cold weather, Indianapolis had been expected to win because its competitors have hosted a Super Bowl since opening their stadiums.

And their competitors have something to offer as a city, like heat in February, and shit to do while you're there. But they didn't have Dennis Hopper, apparently. 

Actor Dennis Hopper, nominated for an Oscar for his role as an alchoholic basketball coach in "Hoosiers," is lending his star power to Indianapolis in its bid for the 2012 Super Bowl. Hopper appears in a video that is part of the city's 15-minute presentation before the NFL's 32 owners today in the Atlanta suburb of Buckhead. Owners will vote for a winner between presumed favorite Indianapolis and competitors Houston and the Phoenix areas.

Dennis Hopper could stick his head up a bull's ass, but I'd rather take the butcher's word for it. God, I hate Indy. 

[IndyStar can suck my balls] 

If MasterCard, Sprint, and Gatorade commercials have taught me anything, it's that Peyton Manning is a nice, charming guy who just wants us to be hydrated while paying for great telecommunications services with a versatile, widely accepted credit card.  But this Manning commercial is kinda weird.  I'm not even sure what he's selling.  He's just yelling and swearing a lot.  Does he want me to join the Marines?  Because I tried that already.  Don't let Peyton sell you on that sweet dress uniform, man.  You'll wear Kevlar and a flak jacket a hell of a lot more than you will those dress blues.  And as much as the Corps is trying to embrace new technology, they're still not issuing laser rocket arms.

[FanHaus] 

Actually, what Dan Dierdorf said was, "That Shawne Merriman is a pass-rushin' son of a gun," after Merriman pressured Peyton Manning into throwing an incomplete pass on a 4th down with just 2 minutes to play. That Dan Dierdorf is a one hell of a football analyst. And what a wordsmith! With LaDainaian Tomlinson and Antonio Gates on the sidelines for much of the game, and back-up quarterback Billy Volek leading San Diego on their winning touchdown drive because of a second-half injury to Philip Rivers, one wonders how they'll compete against the mighty Patriots:

"We're prepared for everybody," [Bill Belichick] said. "As we saw today, any number of players could be in the game." 

He seems like he would be a lot of fun at parties, doesn't he? The Chief will unleash his acerbic wit on this weekend's divisional playoff games tomorrow morning in the Monday Suck-Off, but before I wrap up the weekend shift, did you notice the common theme of the winners? They all had two-word location names. Just as Nostradamus predicted. What will be the common theme for next week's winners? I bet it's that I hate them with the fire of a thousand suns. -KD  

took a shot at Colts president Bill Polian for being a huge douchebag.

Brad from Harrisonburg, VA: An nfl.com article stated: "Because of the antics of Jaguars mascot Jaxson de Ville, a rule was instituted that all NFL mascots must stay behind the six-foot white border around the field at all times during games." What incident is this alluding to?

Vic: Jaxson spent a little too much time on the field for Colts President Bill Polian's tastes during the Monday night game on Oct. 22. Polian filed a complaint with the league.

So… yeah.  Polian didn't enjoy Jaxson's capering, so he bitched to the higher-ups.  He must be so proud of himself.  I tried to picture a scenario where I could file a mascot-related complaint with a straight face, and the best I could come up with is if the San Diego Chicken raped my mother.  But even then, it'd probably be a little funny.  That chicken's just so zany!

[FanHaus]