*grabs morning newspaper, sits down in favorite recliner, reads “Florida Man Died”, takes sip from coffee, sits back*

A man from West Palm Beach died after eating dozens of cockroaches and worms as part of an eating contest, according to the Broward Sheriff’s Office.

Edward Archbold, 32, participated in an roach-eating contest at Ben Siegel Reptiles in Deerfield Beach on Friday evening. The winner of the contest won a python. (Via Local 10, with bonus event video!)

So many questions, I’m not even sure where to begin. I guess, why on Earth would anybody enter into a cockroach- and worm-eating contest in the first place?

“That’s insanity. I mean, you’re talking about a cockroach,” said Shane Santa Croce, whose daughter was at the event on Friday. “They were giving away a really expensive snake, so, you know, people do what they have to do, I guess. Not my cup of tea for sure.”

Or perhaps not my plate full of disgusting little dumpster goblins, but I guess in this economy, you don’t look a gift python* in the mouth.

The most interesting thing that I’ve taken away from this sad story is that cockroaches carry similar allergens to shellfish, which means that I now can’t eat lobster or Palmetto bugs, so I’ve already had to withdraw my name from Crazy Larry’s Possum Emporium 18th Annual Crawdad and Critters Eating Contest and Father/Daughter Dance in Ocoee. My biggest regret will be not giving my daughter her first shot of Turkey before trading her off for a sweet Harley.

Awesome Update: A tipster “friend” of Eddie just sent along a batch of photos that the “wild man” had been posting on Facebook the night of this event.

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As a Florida resident, I like to keep up on the state’s top news, and I’m not talking about stupid stuff like a Sun Rail that could create thousands of jobs being shot down or the governor creating a new drug testing system for state employees and welfare recipients that directly benefits his own medical clinics. Nope, I’m talking about whether or not I can have my remains stored at the International Speedway in Daytona, and thanks to the diligent lawmakers in Florida, on July 1 I will.

The Florida House and Senate will soon vote to pass legislation that makes it legal for columbariums to be built at Daytona and the Homestead Miami Speedway. A columbarium, of course, is a building that stores urns, so NASCAR fans could pay respect to their loved ones before they take their shirts off and urinate into Bud Fat tallboys.

International Speedway Corp. spokesman Lenny Santiago said many NASCAR fans have inquired over the years about having their ashes laid to rest at Daytona International Speedway.

“We have a lot of fans that are very, very loyal to NASCAR races and to Daytona in general,” Santiago said. “This opens that door, this bill, and we’re hopeful that this will get passed.” (Via Daytona Beach News Journal)

And it will get passed because if you know anything about Florida politicians it’s that they truly love their sports.

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