It sorta looks like somebody broke in and stole our furniture, but at least we don’t have an “under construction” gif at the top of the page anywhere. Copy pasta’d liberally from Mr. Matt Ufford:

As with most layout changes, there are some things to like and some things not to like, but for the most part the changes are intended to improve the user experience. In the end, this is still gonna be the same website, but if you’re super-pissed off about it, please send constructive hate mail to info@uproxx.com.

We are under construction, though, so bless this mess.

Sports

NFL Teams Be Transactin’ - Hey look! The NFL got its act together and now everybody’s doing things. Let’s keep up this momentum and do things for the rest of the season. That would be awesome! [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

Talking Trades: 5 Deadline Deals That Should Go Down - It’s not the coolest thing to admit, but I’m gonna go ahead and come out as the guy who would be super excited if David Wright ended up in Cleveland. Also, BJ Upton. And Beltran. Let’s go Tribe! [Smoking Section]

The Citi Field Stormer: A Celebration of Bad Planning - He still planned better than the dude in the wedding dress, because he planned to not be a dude in a wedding dress. [SBN]

Voelker TKOs Bowling - This title is pretty misleading. I thought this was going to be a new episode of Jenn Sterger’s show. [Cagewriter]

With Leather

The Dugout: Crooked Neck Club - I should just link to everything, because it all looks so fresh and new. Don’t miss yesterday’s Dugout, which is about surface piercings, doodoo and “Laverne & Shirley”. I’m old. And weird. [The Dugout]

Unbreak My Heart: A Retrospective of Jay Cutler and Kristin Cavallari - You know you’re a terrible quarterback when your reality show girlfriend seems too good for you. [With Leather]

Christianity Is Brought To You With Limited Commercial Interruption, By Ford™ - The worst pre-race prayer ever, dressed up as the “best prayer ever” and championed as cool by Christians because “God should be awesome”. No he shouldn’t, Spuds McKenzie should be awesome. God should be completely different. [With Leather]

We Hate This Soccer Guy Because He’s Black! - I mean, WE don’t, but soccer fans sure do. Also, big ups to the commenter who said they clicked this article thinking it was going to be about Nintendo, because that was the entire headline joke. [With Leather]

Not Sports

Katy Perry’s Smurftastic Smurf Premierer Mini-Dress - Witness the beginning of the end for Katy Perry, as she stops looking like the busty Zooey Deschanel and starts looking like a busty Hilary Burton. Perez Hilton should’ve worn the same thing, but with Snagglepuss on the front. [FARK]

Comic-Con Photo Diary Part 2 - I feel like a Comic-Con diary could be accomplished in one paragraph. “Saw some kinda hot girls dressed like things, awkwardly walked past a comic book artist/writer/creator I didn’t recognize or want to talk to, gave Xander 40 bucks to take a picture with me.” Is there more to it than that? [Film Drunk]

Awesome and Ridiculous San Diego Comic-Con Cosplay - None of these people are as awesome or ridiculous as my last two Halloween costumes, Hooded Justice and The Peculiar Purple Pie-Man of Porcupine Peak. I want to be Longshot this year, but do you know how hard it is to find a vegan leather bodysuit? [Gamma Squad]

Meme Watch: LOLSummer69 Thinks Tumblr Has Always Wanted to See Them Naked - Real talk: I want to see everybody naked. [UPROXX]

In case you haven’t been paying attention to the Mets since last Friday, these are the scores from their last four games, not counting the one in progress as this is being written:

6-25 @Rangers W 14-5
6-26 @Rangers W 8-5
6-28 @Tigers W 14-3
6-29 @Tigers W 16-9

Something crazy is happening to the Mets, and in the world of the Dugout that’s a more dangerous topic than “Roger Clemens stabbed somebody in the heart and paid to have it covered up”. The job of The Dugout is to emasculate the Mets at all cost, and if they keep playing like this I’ll have no choice but to start posting wistful Dugout retrospectives about them on Faith and Fear in Flushing.

Today’s Dugout follows.

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At 4-7 and losers of 3 straight and 6 of their last 7, all is not well for the New York Mets. While very early in the season, the team is already suffering from a tremendous morale problem after a tumultuous offseason and the loss of staff ace Johan Santana for most of the year. But in the darkness there is light, as first-year manager Terry Collins has lifted his team up and placed his players atop the wings of a golden eagle of pride and made the rest of the league shout, “Alas, the Mets have arrived!”

Or he held a team meeting 11 games into the season.

“I’ve been on teams where you go through a stretch like this and it’s easy to slough off, it’s easy to say, ‘Woe is me. Here we go again. We’ll just get ready for tomorrow,’” Collins said about his motivation for addressing the players. “We can’t. We’ve got to press forward. We’ve got to come back and make tonight be the night. … I just want to make sure that everybody still realizes that this is a nine-inning, 27-out [game], or however many innings you’ve got to play — if the team comes back in the sixth inning and takes the lead that we’ve still got innings to play.” (Via ESPN)

David Wright said the meeting lasted two minutes and was no big deal, and I’m not really one to be making fun of a 4-7 team when my team is 5-7 and sniffing Pittsburgh’s farts, but I’m raising this point because I actually admire Collins for doing something this early. If this were still Jerry Manuel’s team he would have talked Carlos Delgado out of retiring and made each player donate bone shavings and ligaments to speed up Carlos Beltran’s recovery. Another step in the right direction, Mets fans.

I have never watched an episode of the Jersey Shore, but I’m fully aware of the terrible legacy that MTV has established by introducing the world to people like Snooki, J-Woww, the Situation, Vinny, Pauly D, and those other people. And that makes me sad, because I wish I’d never heard of them. Sometimes I really admire the Amish and backwoods hillbillies for not owning TVs, but without one I wouldn’t have been able to drool over the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show last night. Such a double-edged sword.

I also try not to keep up with tabloid gossip, but in this biznass it’s nearly impossible, so I’m well aware that when this calendar year wraps up, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino will have made $5 million while having no discernible talents. The guy gets paid to show up to places and point at his stomach, for which I’m not knocking him. Good for him. I wish I could get paid to show up places and hip thrust. Instead, I get banned from Baby GAP. But as much as we bash the Guido culture, it’s given us a great deal of material to work with, J-Woww’s huge breasts, and Vince at FilmDrunk.

The Situation recently released his own workout DVD for the holiday season, called “The Situation Workout.” As I’m naturally ripped I have no need for such a silly product, but for those of you looking to be the best at exercising, you can pick up a copy at Amazon or in hell. In the meantime, the blooper reel from his DVD has recently turned up, and not only does it showcase his glaring lack of charisma, but he also has a special friend pop up. He gets a boner, is what I’m trying to say.

Follow along after the jump for a look at the bloopers and some other fine moments in the Sitch’s exercise portfolio…

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Two weeks ago, Mets infielder David Wright caught a fastball with his head, giving him a concussion. Wright’s triumphant return to action last night was marred by the giant popcorn bowl that he decided to wear in lieu of the traditional batting helmet. Actually, it’s the new Rawlings S100 helmet, with the S presumably standing for “Stupidassed.”

It has an aerodynamic look, but it is slightly on the bulky side, and Wright admitted to some issues with the fit, particularly when running the bases. The helmet slipped down while he was running and flew off when he slid, prompting a suggestion that he add a chin strap.

“Those guys were laughing at me on the other side. Our guys were laughing at me. All the guys on the field were yelling at me, so everything’s back to normal I guess.” via, via.

Why stop at just a chinstrap? Why not put a face mask and one of those tinted eyeshields on there, too? Hey, don’t forget about the rest of the upper body. Get some shoulder pads on that guy! Hell, let’s just have him drive to the plate in an armored car and hang the bat out the window. Why is it when someone mutters the word “safety” that everyone flips out and abandons all common sense. The helmet is too big. Or maybe David Wright’s head is too small. If only there was something Wright could inject into his body to make his head a little bigger…

I would literally rather be attacked by a mountain lion.

Mets third baseman David Wright sparked excitement among fans at a fund-raiser for his charity, or so says someone connected to Page Six, which means this story is strictly for entertainment value.

A spy at the Hard Rock Cafe in Times Square for his “Do the Wright Thing” event watched in shock as Wright was “mobbed by a swarm of trashy-looking cougars. Middle-age women with bad ’80s hair were practically pushing down little kids who were trying to get baseballs signed.” Wright was overheard pleading, “Ladies, calm down! Please, relax.”

Ah, the sweet life of a young, hunky baseball star in the Big Apple.  “Ladies, calm down!  I’m sorry, I’m an old-fashioned guy; only three of you can come back to my apartment.”

[Deuce of Davenport]