When David Stern gets an invite to a Harlem barber shop, you can BOOK IT! Stern visited what the peeps at the New York Times would have you believe is the Mecca of basketball, but everybody knows that the true hoops haven is in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, where the little brown hoopster comes out every February and decides whether or not the Lakers will win the title that year. Oh, and when Stern says he knows who’s gonna win the title this year? I totally believe him.via.
I don't talk about the Seattle Sonics much in this forum, partly because I take Clay Bennett's hijacking of the team to Oklahoma City too personally to laugh about it, but mostly because the situation's too complex to boil down in pithy little blog posts. There are simply too many factors — from the Seattle taxpayers' history of building stadiums, to the maze of lies, villainy, and cowardice that will send the team to the Dust Bowl — to wrap it up with a nice dick joke.
Nevertheless, I still need to post videos like this one from a decade ago, where NBA commissioner David Stern says how amazing the newly renovated KeyArena is, and how proud the people of Seattle should be of it. That sentiment differs slightly from his viewpoint today, which is that KeyArena is unsuitable for an NBA franchise that happens to be owned by his close personal friend who wants to move the team to a backwater market.
Seriously, I wouldn't cross the street to piss on David Stern if he were on fire. Although I'd probably cross the street to get a better look, and to keep other people from dousing the flames. Cocksucker.
[Buzzer Beater / Supersonicsoul via SbB]
Apologies for posting a YouTube that's sound only, but you really need to hear what a gigantic asshole NBA commissioner David Stern is to AP reporter Brian Mahoney. Mahoney asks Stern if he'll let NBA players (specifically, Dwyane Wade) who compete for Team USA in this summer's Beijing Olympics out of responsibilities to play preseason games in Europe in order to give them a break from all the travel.
Instead of answering the question yes or no, Stern browbeats Mahoney for having a narrow worldview and informs him that places "overseas" are actually closer than cities on the other side of the U.S.
Umm, except not. I did a little math. From Miami to Paris — one of the closer European capitals to America — is over 4,500 miles. On the other hand, Miami to Portland — by next season, the most distant NBA city — is just a shade over 2700 miles. And that's not factoring in the additional headache of going through customs because you've entered another country. So basically, Stern lied and treated someone like shit because he dared impose reality on Stern's mission to make the NBA a global brand. I hope you learned your lesson, Mahoney.
UPDATE: Terrific take on this from manic genius Spencer Hall at The Sporting Blog.
wasn't exactly guarded with his feelings:
"It demonstrates that they're not a model of intelligent management. There were many checkpoints along the way where more decisive action would have eliminated this issue."
Mind you, that's only a statement on the organization's culture. When asked about how Isiah Thomas assembled an overpaid, borderline mediocre team, Stern said, "Oh, that guy. Total dipshit."
In other news, remember how Jerry Buss got busted for DUI back in May? Well, he got convicted, and Stern rewarded him with a got busted for DUI back in May? Well, he got convicted, and Stern rewarded him with a $25K fine and a two-game suspension. Oh no, not a suspension! But who will sit in the owner's box and watch the game from afar through a monocle? They're going to have to sign some poor millionaire without a team to a ten-day contract or something. Maybe they can grab Starbucks CEO/former Sonics owner Howard Schultz for a couple days. "Okay, dude, just sit back and relax, maybe look down to the court once a quarter. And try not to sell the team to a shithead from Oklahoma, huh?"
Sexy friends, we are gathered here today to mourn the passing of a loved one taken from us far too early, robbed of life by a conniving, evil, angry little man. Not only did sports fans not get the e-ticket of Suns-Warriors because the NBA doesn't do round-by-round re-seedings, but — as we all know by now — the NBA's fuehrer also ensured victory for the Spurs by following the letter, rather than the spirit, of the law. History is riddled with damned men who have ignored the just decision in favor of an unjust law, and all we can do as fans is turn our backs on the farce that plays on.
Rest in peace, 2007 NBA Playoffs. I will remember you for Warriors-Mavs, the lackluster Eastern Conference, and the historic death-rape of the Suns.
Just about everyone in my geeky little peer group is talking about this New York Times article that reveals the details of a study claiming white NBA officials call a disproportionate number of fouls on black players, while (to a lesser extent) black officials do the same to white players. Shockingly, commissioner David Stern disagrees:
Stern said in a telephone interview that the league saw a draft copy of the paper last year, and was moved to do its own study this March using its own database of foul calls, which specifies which official called which foul. “We think our cut at the data is more powerful, more robust, and demonstrates that there is no bias,” Mr. Stern said.
Three independent experts asked by The Times to examine the Wolfers-Price paper and materials released by the N.B.A. said they considered the Wolfers-Price argument far more sound.
Yeah, but what does the New York Times know about selecting experts? They probably just called some friends at Salon.com.
All this, of course, is just a needless distraction from the real problem — that ALL the officiating in the NBA is terrible. Besides, the data is unfairly biased against the referees. Did no one look at the possibility that black players commit more fouls when there are white referees? After all, Stern wouldn't want us to take the blame away from the black people here.
