I could have sworn that somebody on this here incredible UPROXX network had already written about the Dikembe Mutombo Geico commercial, or maybe it’s just that I’ve watched it so many times that it’s tattooed on my brain and I see his goofy grin every time I open my eyes. Whatever the case may be, between my ridiculous car insurance payments and commercials about human women wanting to have sex with pigs, it’s very rare that I would compliment a Geico ad. But damn it, that Dikembe Mutombo ad is fantastic.

But you know that already, because you’ve probably watched it a billion times, too. The reason that I bring this up so late in the ad world game is because the NBA All-Star Weekend starts tonight and I believe my excitement can be summed up by the following GIF…

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If I had to rank professional sports fans in terms of craziness, I wouldn’t even think twice:

1) NBA fans
2) Everyone else

While NFL fans are certainly insane in their own rights and passionate about their teams, NBA fans have multiple layers of crazy that can be peeled back to reveal a molten core of manic lunacy that is the universe’s greatest natural source of irrational behavior. I think this is because the NBA, unlike the NFL and MLB, is a star-centric league, in that fans focus on the best players above the actual teams. People love LeBron James no matter what team he plays for, and they’ll go absolutely apesh*t if you try to tell them that’s wrong.

Additionally, the NBA has more frontrunner fans than the other pro sports leagues because the same teams always win. When those teams don’t win, those fans get even crazier, because they’re supposed to always win. But when they do win, these NBA fans become even crazier because they don’t understand how anyone can possibly hate their Lakers or Heat. How can you hate them? You have no reason. You’re just a hater. YOU’RE A HATER, DAMN IT!

Well, good news, you crazy ass fans. You can now anonymously submit your craziest thoughts and questions to “NBA Confessions” so you don’t have to deal with us haters and sane people who just don’t get you and your undying love for Kobe Bryant. Much like the Tim Tebow Confessions site that we’ve previously examined, the submissions are a delightful blend of standard inquiries and batsh*t insanity.

As always, I’ve included some of my favorites after the jump.

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For my money, there’s no greater MS Paint artist in this generation or any other, for that matter (suck it, Picasso), than our own Danger Guerrero. His efforts within this specific medium have been unparalleled over the decades that I’ve known him, and I believe that he has no less than 75 works currently hanging in the Smithsonian and the Louvre. Do not quote me on that number, as it may be off just a tad.

However, despite the important life lessons that we were given by The Highlander series, there doesn’t have to be only one, and I recently stumbled upon the works of another outstanding MS Paint artist (pronounced ar-teest) who sadly remains anonymous at this current time. But like most great reclusive artists of the last several centuries and great artistic periods, this unknown person got his or her start on Tumblr, with the site “Great NBA Moments”.

Sure enough, this collection of artwork re-captures some of the greatest moments in NBA history through the stunning use of basic colors and brushes that only MS Paint can provide. Included in these incredible works are Michael Jordan’s iconic game-winning jumpshot, Dirk Nowitzki’s three-pointer in Game 5 of the 2011 NBA Finals and even the cover of the video game masterpiece, Shaq Fu.

Short of Larry Bird sharing a milkshake with Skeletor or any of the sketches that we’ve previously viewed from the artists at Double Dribble, this is probably the best NBA art that you will see this year. While there are many more beautiful works available at Great NBA Moments, I have included some of my favorites in this week’s With Leather Wild Art Gallery.

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Earlier this week, in the Fantasy Football Support Group post, I broke down the strange, new curse that is the Thursday Night Football QB conundrum. Basically, with very few exceptions, quarterbacks – and a lot of stars in general – have been terrible on the NFL Network this season. As I finished writing that, something horrifying dawned on me – I have Peyton Manning on Thursday night this week in the first round of my main fantasy football league. F*********************ck me.

Even worse, I’m playing against Demaryius Thomas while I have Eric Decker. And I know that none of you care, but I’m FREAKING OUT, damn it. What’s that? I should just not play fantasy football, you say? Who let the devil comment on this website, anyway?

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"And then I gave her an extra $1,000 to take a dump on my chest."

Last night, as I was initially excited to watch what felt like the first honest-to-Cthulhu good Thursday Night Football game of the season, word broke across the Twitters and some sports network that doesn’t like to source other reporters that the San Antonio Spurs would be playing without the team’s stars – Tim Duncan, Manu Ginobili and Tony Parker – against the Miami Heat. And I had to turn away from Kate Upton to do a spit take because I was like, “Well why in the H-E-Hockey-Lockout would Gregg Popovich do that?”

It turns out that he had a pretty darn good reason.

Meanwhile, the game was actually fantastic. I get a kick out of joking that San Antonio is the most boring team in sports, but they’re obviously not and they proved that by leading the Heat the majority of the game before ultimately falling to Miami, 105-100. So what’s the big deal then? Teams play and lose all the time, and teams certainly rest their starters. Well, David Stern ain’t having that nonsense.

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David Stern loves sending teams around the world for exhibition games, because it means more money for the league and owners. Sure, he’ll say it’s about expanding the league’s brand and creating a broader fan base with the hopes of one day establishing leagues and teams in other countries, but it’s about the money. It’s always about the money. And that’s fine, because money is good and capitalism is splendid as long as they’re prefaced with alley oops.

This week, the Miami Heat and the Los Angeles Clippers are the NBA’s goodwill ambassadors to the Far East, and players like Dwyane Wade and LeBron James couldn’t be more excited about showing off their recently released shoes that the Chinese fans will buy just as fast as the American fans did. Wait no, I mean they couldn’t be more excited about growing the NBA brand. Sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking.

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