Without looking, I'm guessing that is Dustin Pedroia, Cole Hamels, Pete Rose and Dusty Baker.

I had no clue that The Cleveland Show, the spin-off of Seth MacFarlane’s wildly popular Family Guy, was still on the air when I saw today’s news that the show will have a special baseball-themed episode when it returns after the World Series. But apparently the show is still alive and kicking, and I don’t mean this to knock its producers and whatnot, but I always thought that if any of the original show’s characters should have had a spinoff, it was Quagmire*. But that’s another conversation for another UPROXX site.

Throwing another log on the “Simpsons did it” fire, Cleveland will be joined by some of Major League Baseball’s best players in an episode that features Peter Griffin’s black friend. Sadly, the episode will not feature time traveling Jose Canseco.

Not long after this year’s World Series, Fox’s The Cleveland Show will round the bases with an episode devoted to America’s pastime. And though Peter Griffin’s old pal won’t actually become a star baseball player during the half-hour, he’ll get close when he realizes his dream of becoming a major league scout.

We’ve got your exclusive first look at the November episode, which includes the guest voices of the Los Angeles Dodgers’ Matt Kemp and Andre Ethier, the Boston Red Sox’s David Ortiz, the Philadelphia Phillies’ Jimmy Rollins and the Cincinnati Reds’ Joey Votto. (Via TV Line)

Above, obviously, is Ortiz, Rollins, Votto and Dusty Baker, and after the jump you can see Matt Kemp and Andre Ethier yelling at someone. Probably Magic Johnson.

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On Tuesday night, a few hundred people gathered in New York City for the annual Sports Illustrated Sportswoman and Sportsman of the Year ceremony, which is like the Golden Globes to With Leather’s Top Sports Moments of the Year. University of Tennessee Lady Vols coach Pat Summitt was honored as the Sportswoman of the Year, while Duke’s Mike Krzyzewski was presented as the Sportsman of the Year. Smart ass college basketball fans everywhere suggested that the titles should be swapped.

Also honored was Noah Flegel, SI’s Sports Kid of the Year, and he was the biggest winner of the night. Why? Because he got to hug swimsuit model Chrissy Teigen, who was at the event as part of her mandatory deal with SI to always be awesome. Between her Twitter and, well, her, Teigen is our favorite girl on the planet not named Kate Upton. And now I’m sad that Upton wasn’t there, too.

And there were some other people at the event, but I only care about Teigen. She’s that special.

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What you’re watching, should you be able to get through all 35 seconds without blacking out and waking up in the perfume section of a Dillard’s, is MLB (or approximately MLB) stars Albert Pujols, David Ortiz, Jose Bautista, Bryce Harper, career .205 hitter Ryan Vogelsong and a lady who I’m gonna guess is Mrs. Marucci introducing “Marucci Black”. They do so by taking turns saying “introducing”, then taking turns saying “Marucci Black”. The bat says “Marucci” up the side so hopefully that’s what they’re talking about. Apparently I’ve been waiting for this for a long time.

My favorite part, besides the random Overstock.com-looking woman, is how they’ve got a commercial starring Pujols, Ortiz and Bautista but the 19-year old with no Major League experience is the only one actually swinging the bat. All David Ortiz had to do was show up and say “introducing”. He didn’t even have to take off his glasses. Further investigation of the product reveals a weirdly racist ad campaign called “Beware of the Black” where the blonde from this commercial takes a porno camera crew out to abandoned houses and hotel rooms where she gets stalked by the phallic Marucci.

Thank goodness they’ve been introduced, now she’ll be able to identify him in a line-up.

[h/t to Mr. Irrelevant]

Things are just an absolute disaster for the Boston Red Sox right now. First, they managed to produce one of the biggest regular season collapses in Major League Baseball history. Then, they made manager Terry Francona the scapegoat and booted him despite the fact that he led them to two World Series victories after an eternity of disappointment and dismay. Yesterday, General Manager Theo Epstein signed a 5-year contract to be the GM (and more!) of the Chicago Cubs. And now the Sox ownership and anonymous players are kicking Francona while he’s down by labeling him a drug abuser and emotional sissy boy. It’s quite the fahkin’ soap ahperah!

So can it get any worse? Hypothetically, yes. You see, David Ortiz spoke with ESPN’s Colleen Dominguez the other day and he admitted that he would play for the… *GASP* NEW YORK YANKEES!

“There’s too much drama, man,” Ortiz told Dominguez* in reference to the Red Sox. “There’s too much drama. I have been thinking about a lot of things. I don’t know if I want to be a part of this drama for next year.”

But would Ortiz really consider defecting to the other side of baseball’s biggest rivalry?

“That’s something I gotta think about,” Ortiz said. “I’ve been here on the Red Sox a long time, and I’ve seen how everything goes down between these two ballclubs.”

For instance, he’s seen how Johnny Damon was treated when he went from being an “idiot” to being the enemy. But that’s neither here nor there, because Ortiz is simply a free agent DH. He had a phenomenal contract year with 29 home runs and 98 RBI. But he’s also old and large and those things don’t bode well for a free agent. So let’s look at this for what it really is – a non-story created by a question that can’t actually be answered.

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If real life carried hashtags, there would be a big #whitepeopleproblems at the end of every story about David Ortiz flipping his bat after a home run and pissing off the Yankees. The way people have been reacting you’d think he flipped his bat, punched Mark Teixeira in the dick on the way around, blew a kiss to A.J. Burnett on his way past third and toppled a makeshift set of Red Sox-played bowling pins as he pantomimed an exploding bomb at home plate. Nope, he basically just did what he always did, and even the smallest charismatic outbursts must be smothered to death by Major League Baseball.

Before you read today’s Dugout, click the hashtag up there and catch up on the story. When you’re done, be sure to hop over to Facebook and “like” The Dugout, so you can have an additional page on the Internet where I’m begging you to leave comments.

Today’s Dugout follows.

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According to many people in the sports media and mostly Boston Red Sox fans, David “Big Papi” Ortiz is “back!” after having won last night’s 2010 MLB Home Run Derby. Ortiz hit 32 total home runs, but it was his impressive 11 in the final round against Hanley Ramirez’s dinky 5 that made Boston’s slugger the event’s champion. This, of course, is great news for the Red Sox offense, because Home Run Derby champions notoriously smack the tits off the ball in the second half of the season because opposing pitchers keep throwing batting practice pitches against them.

Dismissive wanking aside, there’s a metaphor wrapped inside of an analogy with Ortiz’s clobbering of Ramirez, and that is the American League’s complete dominance of the National League. The Senior Circuit has lost 12 of the last 13 All-Star Games to the AL, with that unlucky number 13 being the infamous Bud Selig tie game that has since led to the All-Star Game counting for home field advantage in the World Series. Don’t worry, Selig’s getting a statue in Milwaukee for his efforts.

Watch Big Papi talk about socking some dingers after the jump.

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