As my fascination with the mental capacity of NBA general managers continues, Minnesota’s David Kahn has once again excelled beyond the wildest imaginable possibilities. It was only last week that he traded the No. 6 overall pick from the 2009 draft, point guard Jonny Flynn, for 35-year old arthritic bag of bones center Brad Miller*, and then drafted Derrick Williams with the second pick in this year’s draft after he failed to trade the pick (or Michael Beasley) to a team that actually needed a young power forward. And to top it all off with a pair of solid gold Truck Nutz, Kahn actually tried to hire Mike Krzyzewski.

Talk about a waste of time. Coach K once turned down a chance to go to the Lakers and coach Kobe Bryant in his prime. Did Kahn really think that he could get Krzyzewski to leave his Duke kingdom? He did.

“He tried to get him,” said one Kahn confidante.

Kahn was looking for a miracle or two. The other miracle is turning Ricky Rubio into a first-rate NBA point guard. As he showed over the last two seasons in Spain, the T-Wolves’ No. 1 draft pick of 2009 can’t shoot consistently or beat people off the dribble. That was versus inferior competition in Europe. Now he’s supposed to be able to do those things against the top players in the world? (New York Post)

To be clear, Rubio averaged 4.8 points in the Spanish ACB League this season, and a whopping 6.5 per game in Euroleague. Did anyone really have to think very hard about why Rubio decided he suddenly wanted to come to the NBA? I’ll give you a hint – it rhymes with GIANT PAYCHECK. Wait, I suck at hints. Kahn, of course, also tried to trade for Steve Nash so he could spend his final days in the NBA as a mentor to Rubio instead of trying to win his own elusive NBA title with a team not run by the winner of David Stern’s “So You Think You Can GM” contest.

Regardless, the comedy of Kahn calling Coach K to coach the Wolves is absolutely priceless. I can practically hear it now…

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It’s finally over, friends. Possibly one of the worst, if not the worst, NBA Drafts in recent memory. The Cleveland Cavaliers ended weeks of speculation that they would either make Duke’s Kyrie Irving the No. 1 pick in this year’s draft or they would keep pretending like they were going to take Derrick Williams by selecting Irving. Meanwhile, the Minnesota Timberwolves managed to screw up the incredibly simple task of trading the No. 2 pick of Williams, a player they don’t need, for assets they do need and future picks. And there were plenty of trades that made little sense, European players we’ve never heard of, jackass fans booing every single pick, and a second round full of guys we will never hear from again. Ah yes, the glorious NBA Draft.

Now I’m no expert by any means, and I’m often wrong when it comes to projections and theories. But I have become quite a big NBA fan over the past few seasons, so I’m learning. And I think that this draft was an exceptional learning tool for the fan like me, learning to love a sport that has never been kind in parity, while also being completely aware that the league is locking out in 6 days. So I had some thought while watching this draft and I thought that I might share them. What can I say? I’m a generous lover.

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Who's ready to f*ck up two lottery picks?

The Cleveland Cavaliers won the first pick in the 2011 NBA Draft last night, and Dan Gilbert and Co. are now on the clock to most likely select Duke point guard Kyrie Irving in what many are I’m calling one of the worst drafts in NBA history. But the Cavs have a great chance to rebuild in the post-LeBron era with the top pick and the No. 4 pick, with which they’ll probably select a big European player, because that’s what this draft looks like. However, it’s Dan Gilbert we’re talking about and he doesn’t need to rebuild, because his Cavs will win a championship before LeBron James and the Miami Heat, who you can watch tonight in Game 2 of the Eastern Conference Finals, which is the last round before the NBA Finals, after which a team wins a championship, in case Dan is confused.

Playoff semantics aside, Dan sent his 14-year old son Nick, who suffers from neurofibromatosis, as the team’s ambassador to David Stern’s lip-craving butt, and Minnesota Timberwolves general manager David Kahn used Nick’s presence to air his thoughts on the Lottery selection process.

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Michael Beasley has had a very difficult time adjusting to life in the NBA. Thankfully for him, there are terrible GMs like David Kahn who are confident in their abilities to develop potential. Two second round draft picks turned the Miami Heat’s trash into David Kahn’s treasure earlier this summer, and our favorite GM has an idea of how to get the former NCAA POY back on the right track. He’s getting the munchies just thinking about it.

Timberwolves general manager David Kahn told ESPN 1500 Twin Cities that the 6-10 forward struggled because he “smoked too much marijuana.”

Kahn said Beasley told him “he’s not smoking anymore, and I told him that I would trust him as long as that was the case… he has developed a really good support system around him this past season in Miami. He’s hired people to help him grow up. He is growing up — he’s not grown up. He’s 21 … ”
–USA Today

Good luck with that, Dave. There’s a lot to do in Miami, and Michael still just wanted to get high. You think there’s going to be anything to keep him occupied during a Minnesota winter? In David’s defense, Beasley hasn’t been bad enough to be considered a bust. He’s put up pretty good numbers throughout his career, and Minnesota only had to give up two second round picks to get him. It’s probably a good idea for Kahn to trade draft picks, considering he’ll just waste them anyway.

Just in case you forgot, here’s a list of some of the players the Detroit Pistons could have selected with the #2 overall pick in the 2003 draft: Carmelo Anthony, Dwayne Wade, Chris Bosh, Chris Kaman, Michael Pietrus, Kirk Hinrich, T.J. Ford, David West, Kendrick Perkins, Leandro Barbosa, Josh Howard, and Boris Diaw. Six of those guys have made All-Star teams, while the others have become valuable role players in the league. But the Pistons (much like Adriana Lima) found the allure of a Serbian irresistible.

But Timberwolves GM David Kahn will be damned if all that Serbian talent goes to waste. He signed Darko this summer, and has given him a chance to compete for the starting job in Minnesota. Chris Webber seemed puzzled by the decision, puzzled enough to ask David just what he saw in Darko. Kahn, the same man who just traded Al Jefferson to Utah for Kosta Koufos and cap space, gave a horrible, horrible answer.

Kahn spent the first five minutes of the two-part 10 minute interview on the new culture of the Timberwolves. He was rambling but he didn’t sound like an idiot. He saved that for the second part of the interview when he compared Darko Milicic to Vlade Divac and Chris Webber. C-Webb politely told Kahn not to use his name in the same sentence as Darko. He should have told him to resign immediately. –You Been Blinded

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Raleigh McCammon, pictured above, has completed the paper work to be eligible for the June 24th NBA Draft. Because, honestly, who doesn’t need another skinny, baby faced, white guy on their team? Raleigh, which is a really stupid name, entered himself in the draft because he lost a wager with one of the AAU players he coaches.

“One of the kids said, ‘Hey, we have a deal, if you make it to the finals of the league, will you enter the draft?’ and I said fair enough.”

So Raleigh submitted the paperwork along with an impressive resume.

“There’s a spot on the official forms for all your stats, and so I had these ridiculous numbers I posted. It was like 30 points and 30 rebounds, and I had an asterisks by each of them. At the end I said these are estimations based on Xbox.” –WBIR via TerezOwens

Funny enough, the NBA has accepted the University of Tennessee freshman’s entry into the draft. Minnesota GM and idiot savant David Kahn is already anticipating taking McCammon with the 4th overall pick, making Bill Simmons, or anyone with a pulse a better option for the Wolves. “But he’s a 30 point, 30 rebound stud.” Kahn said, when asked for comment. “It’s like he’s the second coming of Ricky Rubio.” Video after the jump. Read the rest of this entry »