As we head back to sports, I can’t help but enjoy the tone of this new NMA creation, basically daring Washington Redskins owner Dan Snyder to sue the rogue Taiwanese media outfit. Although to be fair, people probably barf at Redskins games without stale peanuts, either from being overserved or simply from watching their team.
And it was nice to see that panda score a big win in court. Pandas really don’t get the credit they deserve for being litigious animals.
My father and uncles used to bandy about names like Jack Tatum, Ben Davidson and Ted Hendricks when discussing the intimidating play of the old Oakland Raiders. As for me, I've never been frightened by the silver and black (I am terrified of some of their fans however – particularly that guy who wears the Darth Vader mask with the spiked shoulder pads), and here's another reason why:
"The union has complained about the high level of intensity, player aggressiveness and fast pace of our practices and, as a result, has taken away the final week of our offseason program," said [first-year Raider head coach Lane] Kiffin, the NFL's youngest and least experienced head coach.
Massive amounts of cocaine will lead to higher levels of intensity, aggressiveness, and a faster paced lifestyle. What? Is it wrong to assume the whole Raider organization is on drugs? The players' union is probably right in this case, and they're just trying to protect the working-man. Although, I could be wrong; my views on labor relations have changed drastically since my Russian mail-order bride taught me about the "means of production". Plus, it's not like the the Raiders need the extra practice. After all, they've almost won 16 games in four seasons. -KD
(Note: The lovely Danielle Gamba used to be a Raiderette before she reveled her "means of production" – you can see the NSFW pics here.)
Nick Swisher signed a new contract with the Oakland Athletics yesterday:
Swisher will earn $700,000 this year, $3.5 million in 2008, $5.3 million in 2009, $6.75 million in 2010 and $9 million in 2011. The club option is worth $10.25 million, with a $1 million buyout.
This looks a lot like my assistant editor contract if you replace the dollar signs with thimbles of Irish whiskey, and subtract many of the zeros. It appears the White Elephants are creating a core of young stars:
The new contract, which includes a $500,000 signing bonus, gives the A's four players signed through at least 2009. Swisher joins Eric Chavez (2010), Dan Haren (2009) and Bobby Crosby (2009).
A youthful club of studs is important, but what's more important is that Chavez, Haren and Crosby follow Swisher's lead to create a stable of scorching Playmates for the discerning baseball fan to compare and contrast. Lovely Danielle's freckles have fashioned many a tawdry daydream for me, but a redhead would be nice. Mr. Crosby, I'm looking in your direction. I defended your lowly fantasy performance last year, so all you have to do is find a voluptuous auburn-locked lass and get into a few legal scrapes on the weekend shift. -KD
