In an attempt to offset the impossible standards of feminine perfection laid out by the supermodels in every Swimsuit Issue, SI nobly invites female athletes to model swimwear as well. That way, any girls who might pick up the issue can not only feel less pretty than the models, but also less in shape than the athletes. I blame society, for allowing regular women to eat so much.
Anyway, three of this year’s featured athlete-models are WTA stars Daniela Hantuchova (above), Maria Kirilenko, and Tatiana Golovin. Nothing as hot as Anna Kournikova, no one as talented as Maria Sharapova, but all told still very nice to look at. Hey, it’s attractive women on the beach in bikinis. I’d have to be some kind of ungrateful asshole to bitch about that. More pics and links below.
Shut up! I told you IT WAS COLD OUTSIDE!!!
The Australian Open began on Sunday, and like any major tournament, the early rounds are the best, because that’s when all the hot chicks are still playing. Um, I mean, who doesn’t appreciate a Venus Williams-Amelie Mauresmo final? **changes channel to infomercial**
Anyway, below you’ll find a gallery that includes (in order) Ana Ivanovic, Maria Kirilenko, Anna Chakvetadze, Caroline Wozniacki, Daniela Hantuchova, the Czech Republic’s Iveta Benesova, and Monika Wejnert of Australia. Wanna know who’s won and lost so far? Too bad, the only results you get here are sexy results.
Oh hey, does anyone know when the men’s tournament starts? Do they even still play it?
Roger Federer beat James Blake at the Australian Open today, but last I checked neither of them were hot chicks so to hell with them.
Much more inspiring for tennis fans — and by tennis fans I mean masturbation enthusiasts — are the final four ladies in the women's bracket. Jelena Jankovic and Maria Sharapova face off in the more equine bracket, while Daniela Hantuchova and Ana Ivanovic play later in what would be the AFC Championship if this were the Super Bowl of Tennis Hotness. The ladies will forgo the usual post-match handshake for a long, hot group shower at my apartment. HINT, HINT.
The best women's tennis players in the world have compiled a book of recipes called Lovefood — get it? "Love"? Love food! — in an attempt to show that women can do more than just grow up to become professional athletes: they can also excel in the kitchen.
France's Wimbledon champion Amelie Mauresmo, always accused in the past of being prey to her nerves in big matches, has found that cooking can be calming. Showing off the merits of her cherry tomato soup, she writes: "Cooking is a good way to get your mind off sport. It's very therapeutic as well as being a lot of fun." Daniela Hantuchova of Slovakia agreed: "Cooking is a fantastic way to relax."
But being constantly on the international circuit can cramp your cooking. Giving the recipe for her calamari fritti in the Whirlpool cookbook, Czech Nicole Vaidisova said "I try to cook as often as I can but travelling so much means I don't always have enough time."
That's right, ladies! Traveling to places like outside the home can create stressful interference to your relaxing, soothing cooking habit. Future books from the women's tennis tour will celebrate the relaxing merits of blowjobs, raising children, and not voting. And a great way to stay in shape is S factor pole dance classes!
Daniela Hantuchova entered the fourth round of Wimbledon by beating Katarina Srebotnik 2-6, 6-3, 6-4. Fascinating, I know.
And here she is yesterday at the All England Lawn Club or whatever the hell they call Wimbledon. Lawn Clubs. I think they have a lot of those in middle class suburban neighborhoods. You know, the guys who use so much fertilizer on their lawns that they have to cut the grass two or three times a week? What a bunch of fuckin losers. They should watch me and see how cool it is to stay inside on a computer all day.
What was I talking about? Oh right, tennis. As you'll notice in these pics, Daniela has some semi-revealing faults in her clothing. And thank me for not giving you ultra-high res photos of her face — she's got a little bit of Mauresmo fur and some acne. But I think that's okay when your legs are as long as hers. My God man. Willow trees aren't that willowy.
Probably due to the weekend editor's diligent reporting, Daniela Hantuchova diligent reporting, Daniela Hantuchova won her first title in five years by taking the Pacific Life Open this weekend. She celebrated by grasping onto a phallic trophy, and I celebrated by grasping onto a phallic trophy finding these lovely pictures of her. If that's not quite enough for you, there's more goodness at her official site.
Some people say I do the Lord's work, but I think that praise is a little too lofty. "Hero" will suffice.
