Have you ever wondered what Charles Barkley thinks about America’s Presidents? So far his opinions have been mostly about whether or not he’s a role model (he is not), how everyone who isn’t Charles Barkley plays basketball (turrible), Weight Watchers (it’s a scam) and the Five Buck Box (it rocks, it rocks). Also, hey, have you ever wanted to imagine Ernie Johnson as a slave-master? I know I have.

Please enjoy this soundbite from the Sprint Halftime Report, wherein Sir Charles ranks Abraham Lincoln over his previous favorite, Barack Obama, because Daniel Day-Lewis hasn’t played Obama in a movie. Yet.

“Abe Lincoln’s my new favorite president. Know why? If it wasn’t for him we would be calling Ernie, Boss.”

Part of me wishes Barkley had gone with a less talked-about President (suggestion: “James K. Polk’s my new favorite president. Know why? Because he was the Napoleon of the stump.”), but I understand his choice. Abe was an important guy. He also loved sports, which makes Barkley’s pick even better. Want to know how awesome Abraham Lincoln was at sports? Here’s an historical drawing of him chokeslamming a dude:

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Yeah, I get shot with arrows like 70 times a day, I don’t know what happened with you.

Links

Power Up: The Top 14 Video Games Of 2011 - It goes “Skyrim”, then everything else. And this is coming from a guy who spent a day and a half diving off a crane with Batman trying to get a dumb power-up. [Smoking Section]

7 Things About “The League” Cast that You Probably Didn’t Know - I wish the guy who does the voice for Space Ghost was actually on ‘The League’. [Warming Glow]

Daniel Day-Lewis In Full Costume On The Set Of Lincoln - I’ve never wanted to chant “holy shit” at a picture before, but here we are. Lining up to see this already. [Film Drunk]

Donald Glover Tells Marc Maron That He Masturbates To Susan Sarandon - And I masturbate to Susan Sarandon’s daughter. We’re destined to be best friends. [UPROXX]

Patton Oswalt Made A Parody PSA Of The Alamo Drafthouse No Texting PSA - Alamo Drafthouse rules because it’s the only place in the world besides my living room where I can watch a movie in silence and eat a tofu sandwich simultaneously. [UPROXX]

Rick Perry Dr. Seuss Books - There are two books. No, three. [Buzzfeed]

Adult Swim Interview: Norm Macdonald Digs Shakespeare - I need to Google Alert Norm or something because I missed FOUR NORM MACDONALD SHOWS in Austin. He needs commercials and blimp messages and couriers stopping by my house with printed-out reminders. [Adult Swim]

‘We Bought a Zooey’ Is the Quirky Feel-Good Movie of the Holiday Season - doooooooooooooWOP! [The FW]

Best Performances of 2011: From Uggie to Rooney Mara, the Top 11 in ’11 - Reed Diamond as Mark Shapiro in Moneyball in a walk. I thought it was actually Mark Shapiro for like two weeks. [Moviefone]

Rating the 10 Most Traumatic Character Deaths of the Year in Television - Lists like these are the best reason to not give Joss Whedon television shows. [Pajiba]

That is Don Mattingly, right?

Links

Daniel Day-Lewis Is Method Acting The Hell Out Of Abe Lincoln - That’s not Daniel Day-Lewis, Bill and Ted just left the real Abe Lincoln alone at the mall again. [Film Drunk]

Community Credits x Parks & Recreation - This isn’t that great, really, but I can’t stop watching it. Ken Jeong aside, I want to kiss every person in this cast on the mouth. [NextRound]

A Gallery of Pitch Perfect Daria Cosplay - Holy crap, cosplay Jane from Daria #cangetit. Somebody give that girl my phone number, and the licensing rights to popular songs from the 90s. [Unreality]

Is It OK to NOT Love ‘The Muppets’? - No, stupid. [Moviefone]

Expert: Coming Apple-Designed TV Will Blow Your Freakin’ Mind, Man! - There’s so much Apple stuff in my house I have an iPad on the back of my toilet used exclusively to play Angry Birds while I take a dump. Not looking forward to having to buy this. [UPROXX]

Sexy Rumor: HBO Already Preparing Two More Seasons of ‘Game of Thrones’ - Book spoilers: Lord G’Nort travels to the great Maldavia and stabs Jahara. I don’t know, but that sounds right. [Warming Glow]

St. Petersburg Tops List As America’s Saddest City - Somebody’s never been to Detroit! [Smoking Section]

Five Video Game Series That Never Need to be Reviewed Again - “Madden Football”. [Gamma Squad]

How I Play Call of Duty by xoxoDumpTruckoxox - I always go to xoxoDumpTruckoxox for instructional videos. [Adult Swim]

William Shatner Fires A Photon Torpedo At Carrie Fisher - I wrote fan fic with this title, but it was way more graphic. This is just William Shatner talking. [FARK]

Watch a Nerdy White Boy CRUSH a Rap About Pancakes Set to ‘Look at Me Now’ - CHET HAZE! WE COMIN’ FA YOU, N***A! [BroBible]

“How I Met Your Mother’s” Ted is Kind of a Douche - Also, “How I Met Your Mother’s” Every Other Character is kind of a douche. Why is that guy taking a decade to tell his kids one story? [Pajiba]