"I'm going to Legoland!"

In case you missed it on Saturday, we had a few friends over for the UFC 145 Pay-Per-View, including UFC.com writer, blogger and fighter “Danny Boy” Downes and FilmDrunk daddy and MMA aficionado Vince “Spicy Meat-a-ball” Mancini. Of course we thank them for their time and contributions, as well as you commenters for making that one of the more enjoyable UFC pay-per-views in recent memory, so you can expect that we’ll be doing this – or something similar – again. As for the fights, here are the official results that caused so many of you to shake your meat hooks in rage:

Marcus Brimage d. Maximo Blanco – Split decision (28-29, 29-28, 30-27)
Chris Clements d. Keith Wisniewski – Split decision (28-29, 29-28, 30-27)
Mac Danzig d. Efrain Escudero – Unanimous decision (30-27, 29-28, 30-27)
Anthony Njokuani d. John Makdessi – Unanimous decision (30-27, 30-27, 30-27)
Matt Brown d. Stephen Thompson – Unanimous decision (30-27, 29-28, 30-27)
Travis Browne d. Chad Griggs – Submission
Eddie Yagin d. Mark Hominick – Split decision (29-28, 28-29, 29-28)
Michael McDonald d. Miguel Torres – KO (punches)
Ben Rothwell d. Brendan Schab – KO
Rory MacDonald d. Che Mills – TKO
Jon Jones d. Rashad Evans – Unanimous decision (49-46, 49-46, 50-45)

Of course, I was more pleased that Vince brought up Cecil Peoples – one of the most notoriously criticized officials in MMA history – and someone mentioned the Cecil Peoples action figure, because I had all but forgotten about a series of fake UFC toys created by a Sherdog forum user named Masato a few years ago.

They’re always worth sharing because the Steven Seagal action figure with its guitar/assault rifle should be real, dammit.

Read the rest of this entry »

UFC president Dana White is a polarizing guy who probably doesn’t share a lot of my opinions on things (for example, I’m guessing he doesn’t weep throughout the entirety of The Land Before Time), but he’s got a way of cutting through the bullsh*t and making some astute (if not totally obvious) points about sports, including:

1. Jeremy Lin deserves at least a good amount of the praise he’s been getting, and yeah, being an Asian guy is gonna be part of that.

2. There are a large number of African-American players in the NBA getting tons of praise and press.

3. Floyd Mayweather is a hardcore racist (“prejudiced” probably works better than “racist”, but stay with me).

4. Mayweather should probably just shut up and fight Manny Pacquiao, because he’s going to make a sh*t-ton of money doing so.

It’s the cold hard truth, and weird to imagine anyone having a realistic counterpoint besides “well, uh” or “shut up”. A transcript of the piece’s denouement, courtesy of Boxing Experts Blog:

Don’t worry about what all these other guys are doing and shooting your big mouth off on Twitter. What you should worry about is getting in there and making the fight that all the boxing fans want to see. Get in there and fight Manny Pacquiao. You don’t deserve more of the purse. If ever there were a fight in history that should be split 50/50, it’s the Pacquiao-Mayweather fight. Shut up! Both of you split the money up and put on the fight that everybody, including me, wants to see.

I can’t tell you how much I’d love it if Mayweather’s response was lowering his head, shuffling his feet and mumbling, “yeah, you’re right, okay” under his breath. Unfortunately, the real response will either be completely silence or something involving jets and dogs and a wank about how many Twitter followers he has.

Maybe Floyd should just box Dana White instead.

And here I thought a parody of the Brady Bunch theme was how they’d make me an MMA fan.

Please enjoy this Japanese promo for UFC 144: Edgar Vs. (Florence?) Henderson, which combines South Park’s “Let’s Fighting Love” with animated fight footage and some tried-and-true anime tropes — giant eyes, speed lines and ring girls straight out of Magic Knight Rayearth.

The nerd in me wishes they’d subbed in Lord Il Palazzo for Dana White and maybe had Brock Lensar slowly fill with light and explode when Alistair Overeem kneed him in the spleen, but whatever. I’m just happy with the accuracy of “protect my balls” UFC interviews and Rampage Jackson in the locker room with a couple of 11-year olds.

[via YouTube user UFCStannFan1]

Before today, my only knowledge of shootfighting came from when Buddy Hinton picked on Cindy Brady for lisping and Peter goes into training to kick his ass.

Thankfully, lookoutawhale and Chaplin’s House have boiled down the history of Ultimate Fighting Championship to a ‘Brady Bunch’ parody theme with animated cartoon graphics and I’m finally able to provide the analytical MMA insight you expect from a mainstream sports blog. Brock Lesnar’s going to try to reason with that bully Alistair Overeem but it won’t work, so Brock’ll punch a lisp into him and send him back to WWE, right? And then Brock will sit on the cage wall and yell “BABY TALK BABY TALK IT’S A WONDER YOU CAN TALK”.

Wait, that’s still not right, is it? Ugh, fake fighting is so much easier to understand.

[via CagePotato]

In this promotional clip for Ultimate Fighting Championship’s broadcast television debut on Saturday, November 12, teen pop singer turned inspirational Christian actress turned alt-country wife turned Disney princess Mandy Moore offers her opinion on who she thinks will win the heavyweight title bout between Cain Velasquez and Junior Dos Santos. At no point was Willa Ford interviewed about Bellator 57. Hold on, I can get more obscure than that. At no point was Samantha Mumba interviewed about EliteXC. What does Skye Sweetnam think of the fight going on in my parking lot?

Anyway, Mandy’s right about what’s going to happen in the fight, but she’s got this thing where she’s incapable of expressing sincere emotion and just furrows her brow and points up her eyebrows to make it look like she means what she’s saying. She’s making UFC predictions with the same face she uses to tell her badboy teenage boyfriend she’s about to die (in the next five minutes) from a fatal disease. I guess that’s how she ended up dating Zach Braff for as long as she did.

Dana White should convince her to throw on a cocktail dress and pop-and-lock her way through the UFC On Fox theme, Faith Hill style.

[via UFC on Facebook]

I spent my weekend in the Dallas-Fort Worth Metroplex (or whatever it’s called) enjoying a Cleveland Indians victory over the Texas Rangers (the only one we managed to get) and taking in a Double-A game at Dr. Pepper Ballpark between the Frisco Roughriders and the San Antonio Missions. I spent four hours of Sunday night driving from Frisco to Austin in the dark and am running on about three unsuccessful hours of sleep, so if today is nothing but links and typos, I apologize.

Sports

Nate Robinson Wants to Play NFL Football - Maybe he can get his own Disney-made movie, like Invincible. Also, not going to lie, whenever I see “Nate Robinson” I think it’s Peter Parker’s black friend from the Daily Bugle. [Smoking Section]

Dana White Issues First Ever “Thank You For Getting Those Trunks Off TV As Soon As Possible” Bonus - I didn’t think they were so bad. Then again, I watch pro wrestling, the only place you get a bonus for wearing weird crotch-grabbing sh**. [Cage Potato]

Destroying Something Beautiful: The Disappointing Comerica Park Field Stormer - Will never understand people who run onto the field, especially the ones who run out there and don’t do anything. If you’re gonna run onto the field, buy a wedding dress or prepare to get tazed or SOMETHING. [Josh's Website]

Even Peter King’s Typos Are Lofty - Yes, “lofty” is a good word to describe Peter King. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]

With Leather

The Incredible History of The Muppets, Sesame Street, and Our Favorite Athletes - In a better world, this would be our most popular feature of all time. When you’re done with this, go read the Top 50 Muppets list we did at Progressive Boink. [With Leather]

Melina Splits: WWE Cleaning House - I wanted to do a Best and Worst of TNA Hardcore Justice for today, but there’s no way I’m spending three hours on Rob Van Dam this morning. Instead, go read about how sad we are all for Chris Masters. [With Leather]

The CrossFit Games - We’re still getting tons of traffic on this, and with good reason – CrossFit is crazy and Matt Ufford is great. I wish he had a website! [With Leather]

The Dugout: A-Rod’s Violent Gambling Parties - boy I swurr, et al. [The Dugout]

Not Sports

Interview with G4TV’s Jessica Chobot - I’m never going to find a G4 girl to like as much as I liked Morgan Webb, am I? I like Jessica Chobot because she looks like the domestic version of the girl from Ginger Snaps, but dislike her because of all the terrible Geek Minstrel stuff magazines do with girls who have heard of video games. [Adult Swim]

The Louis C.K./Dane Cook Scene - Just unbelievable television. “Louie” (both with and without the quotes) will make even your favorite TV shows seem phony and terrible. [Warming Glow]

Hitchcock’s First Film Found in New Zealand - I bet it’s good, too. You could give 11-year old Alfred Hitchcock a f**king Viewmaster and a five dollar bill and he’d come up with something better than anything released this summer. [Moviefone]

Meme Watch: Obama’s Hip Hop BBQ - Middle America can finally enjoy all that horrid racism we expected when we elected a black President. Obama needs to do a press conference about how the federal economy GON GET GOT. [UPROXX]