What started as a celebration of teen spirit for one Massachusetts high school has turned into the biggest high school track and field promotional sweater scandal in the history of mankind. Boosters at Wakefield High School awarded the track team with sweatshirts representing Wakefield Track and Field, and the design was quite simple – WTF. While it’s not clear if the students planned this little act of ha-ha, I think it’s safe to assume that the kids planned it.

As always, parents eventually caught on – presumably after the evening news told them how Internet acronyms are killing their children – and now the kids aren’t allowed to wear their spirited sweatshirts, ultimately leading to their response – WTF? School officials say that the use of the phrase misrepresents the students, and they will go with the backup suggestion, “420-4EVR”.

Shake your ham fists in rage at those damn kids, UPI.com:

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Ah, southern Ohio never disappoints: an 89-year-old woman named Edna Jester has refused to return an errant football that some neighborhood children kicked into her yard.  She was taken to the local police station and charged with petty theft after refusing to accept a citation, invoking her right as an American to be the most boring cliche possible.

But before we condemn her as a lame-ass old bitch whose family doesn’t visit her for a reason, let’s not forget that the supposed “good guys” in this story are teenagers.  And teenagers are the only human beings as vile as old people.  If this planet were the least bit cool, kids aged 13-18 and people older than 65 would be shipped off to camps at the bottom of the ocean where they could focus on things like annoying each other, and trying in vain to breathe.

[Higher quality video available at NBC Chicago]

A 59-year-old man named Mike Flynt has made the football team at D-III Sul Ross State, which sounds suspiciously like a name they made up for the film adaptation of this story.  Apparently, Flynt was sitting around with his other old-ass friends reminiscing about the days when they had bladder control, and he regretted that he had been kicked off his college team just before his senior year.  So he made sure he was still eligible, then tried out at his alma mater.

Flynt returned to Sul Ross State this month, 37 years after he left and six years before he goes on Medicare. His comeback peaked Wednesday with the coach saying he's made the Division III team's roster. He could be in action as soon as Sept. 1. Flynt is giving new meaning to being a college senior. After all, he's a grandfather and a card-carrying member of AARP. He's eight years older than his coach and has two kids older than any of his teammates.

I'd point and laugh at Flynt for being old, but he was on Odessa-Permian's (the high school from Friday Night Lights) first state championship team in 1965, and I'm smart enough to be afraid of people from west Texas.  They're tough enough to live on the surface of the sun and dumb enough to live on Earth's closest equivalent.  Making fun of them is a recipe for losing your teeth.