EIGHT F*CKING YEARS. That’s how long federal prosecutors spent trying to throw Barry Bonds in the slammer for 12 counts of perjury and obstruction of justice and whatever else they had a boner over. So when the verdict came down last week, what did the millions of dollars of taxpayer money get us? Guilty on four counts to the tune of a $4,000 fine, home confinement for 30 days and two years of probation. Oh, and he has to do 250 hours of community service.

Let justice be done though thy heaven’s fall.

A lawyer for Bonds, Allen Ruby, asked by reporters which side he thought had come out ahead in the sentencing, said: “It depends on whether justice was done. If justice was done, then everyone’s a winner. As to what we think, we’re not talking.”

The prosecutors in the case declined comment immediately afterward. But in court, assistant United States attorney Matthew A. Parrella took issue with Illston once it became clear from her presentence comments that there would be no jail term.

In response to her comment that Bonds’s obstruction of justice was a departure from an “otherwise law-abiding lifestyle,” Parrella said Bonds was “well versed in misleading people” and cited the illegal use of drugs and “mistresses through two marriages.”

“He wasn’t convicted for any of those,” Illston responded.

(Via the New York Times)

Ah, the old “He cheated on his wife so he must be a criminal” strategy. Pure brilliance. I’d love to expound on my outrage that tens and maybe hundreds of millions of dollars were spent by the government on trying to prove that Bonds used steroids when any person with a working set of eyes could figure that out, but I’ve already been distracted by the most compelling argument.

After the jump, meet the Barry Bonds fan who puts our whole legal system to shame.

Read the rest of this entry »

“The message to kids is that there’s no American dream!”

That’s the punchline to this amazingly American news report filmed outside of the U.S. Open in my old hometown of Bethesda, Maryland, depicting the government shutting down a kid-run lemonade stand and fining their parents $500 for operating an Our Gang cliche without a license. Meanwhile, people who live nearby are charging $60 dollars a pop for front yard parking and it’s okay, because hey, they paid their tithes.

Watch the video below.

The worst part is the back and forth between officials and parents. The inspector says there’s a difference between “cute little kids making five or ten dollars” and hundreds, noting that they’ve got “coolers and coolers” of lemonade. But whoops! Turns out it was to raise money for cancer. The guys making thousands (or tens of thousands, if you believe the report) letting people park on their begonias? They’re doing it to raise money for rich assholes who live near a golf course.

I’m not sure if this experience has disproven the “American Dream” to a ragtag bunch of neighborhood youths (and hopefully “the American Dream” hasn’t become “sell drinks to tourists”), but hopefully the next time they set up shop it’ll be far away from melodramatic adults.

[via Jay Busbee @ Devil Ball Golf]

Republicans in Minnesota tried to conduct an NCAA tournament-style betting pool on the outcome of a state budget crisis that threatened the future of local government and the jobs and livelihood of over 36,000 workers.

“This is an ‘IN-HOUSE’ document intended for staff only-just for fun. Thanks, and good luck”.

Players would a wager on the likelihood of an increase in Minnesota’s income tax, the expansion of state gambling, and the chances of Gonzaga making it past the second round. Only a dollar to play! A dollar, and absolutely no f**king compassion for the people you’re supposed to be representing.

From CBS Minnesota, which sounds like the oldest, slowest thing ever:

“This is disgusting,” said Eliot Seide, the head of AFSCME, Minnesota’s largest state workers union. “Thanks and good luck? Make a bet on how long our people are going to be out of work? What kind of sick people are these?”

Republicans say the pool was never distributed.

“It’s incredibly inappropriate”, said Michael Brodkorb, Executive Assistant to the Senate GOP Caucus, who said neither he nor any Republican leaders were aware of the pool. “It wasn’t distributed. Copies were discarded and no bets were taken.”

“The popular kids were running the pool,” said Brodkorb, whose last name looks like something spelled backwards. “When I asked them about it later they said I was in third place, but they also said that to my friend, so I think they’re just lying to us and keeping our dollars.” That joke was brought to you by how unpopular I was in high school.

You can take a look at the pool sign-up sheet here. I’m voting “yes” on increase fees (duh), and “no” on Duke.

[H/T Off the Bench]

Whether one plays Texas Hold’em in brick-and-mortar casinos or pot-limit omaha online, there was bad news to digest for the poker world over the weekend. The federal government seized the domain names of three FIVE of the biggest poker sites operating in America. PokerStars, Full Tilt Poker, and Absolute Poker have also been named in indictments accusing executives of those sites in illegal gambling, money laundering and bank fraud.

In addition to the indictments and domain seizures, Friday’s federal actions were accompanied by a civil lawsuit seeking the forfeiture of $3 billion in ill-gotten gains from the money laundering – 1.5 billion from the PokerStars; $1 billion from the Full Tilt Poker; and $500 million from the Absolute Poker.

Although there have been renewed efforts recently to legalize online gaming, it remains illegal in the U.S., one of the few countries where that remains the law. Some challenge the idea that poker is really gambling, arguing it’s a game of skill not chance. –ReadWriteWeb.

The effect of the seizures on the game itself remains to be seen. Last year’s World Series Of Poker Main Event entries–a crude but often-watched barometer of the health of poker today–were the second-most attended tournament ever (and they eventually turned people away). That 7,319 figure will almost certainly drop now, as many of those participants come from satellite games put together by players pooling their money to allow the winner to pay that $10,000 entry fee.

This is sad for anyone that loves playing cards and the camaraderie that comes with that. Many of you will remember that I covered the WSOP’s Main Event in Vegas last year, and the pros that I met there were as down-to-earth and as friendly as anyone a sportswriter could hope to cover. They’re going to be hurt by this, all in the name of “money laundering.” It’s hard to express my disappointment here, but I’m comforted by the knowledge that things usually become more badass with each crackdown from the government. So there’s that.

This barely-sports-related story out of Delaware kinda left a bitter taste in my mouth (on the bright side, I finally know how you mom feels after all these years). State troopers showed up at a guy’s driveway recently, not because he was beating his wife or cooking meth or ripping the tags off his mattresses, but because he had a basketball hoop in front of his house.

DelDOT said the hoops violated Delaware’s “Clear Zone” law, which prohibits trees, shrubs, hoops and other objects from being within seven feet of the edge of the pavement in subdivisions.

This hoop, which her husband said had been up for 60 years, fell under state scrutiny, along with seven other hoops, after an anonymous letter from someone in the neighborhood complained.

–The Consumerist.

This is just sad. No, I’m not talking about the state just seizing property while law enforcement officials point to some archaic law while just “doing their jobs.” I meant that it’s sad that people in Delaware still think that they’re good at baskeball. Jeez, Delaware. Get with it. Read the rest of this entry »

The Community Youth Athletic Center in southern California is standing between some San Diego-area developers and a new condominium project. The gym was subject to eminent domain–meaning that the local government could declare the building “blighted” and assume ownership of it–after the local government of National City shot down an initial challenge to the entitlement.

The process for challenging eminent domain in California is full of short deadlines and finicky procedures. One of these is that when you challenge the authorization of eminent domain, you have to publish a notice in the newspaper about the lawsuit. That newspaper notice must give a date by which other people can join the suit and oppose the city’s plans.[..]

The notice said Friday when it should have said Monday. No one attempted to join the suit on either Friday or Monday, so the error affected absolutely no one. Nevertheless, based on that technicality, the trial court dismissed the CYAC’s entire case.

–Institute for Justice.

The mayor of National City (how awesome would that be, running around screaming I’M THE MAYOR OF NATIONAL CITY!) says they would never, ever take over the property. Actually, no. He said that the city hasn’t yet. Read the rest of this entry »