New Jersey Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov and Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban are living out their own WWE storyline.

For those of you who don’t follow professional wrestling, here’s how a modern WWE storyline works. Remember when the guys you watched as a kid would punch each other and lay snakes on each other and rip off one another’s crucifixes? Now they just talk. They badmouth each other on Twitter, that turns into them badmouthing each other in person (for several weeks, usually) until the final, underwhelming conclusion that would’ve been great if they’d been guys who actually hated each other, and not just rich folks pretending on the Internet.

On Tuesday, Mikhail said the following awesome underwater-training thing about Cuban, should he try to sign Nets point guard Deron Williams in free agency:

“May the best man win,” Prokhorov quipped. “If he wins, I will crush him with the kickboxing throwdown.”

I had no idea the NBA settled their contract disputes with kickboxing, but it’d go a long way toward explaining why the owners are always getting kicked in the face. Cuban can’t respond with an IF I CAN CHANGE, WE ALL CAN CHANGE speech until the fight’s over, so (because the greatest talking point of a WWE speech is always “I’ve done well in WWE”) he evoked his time as a special guest host for World Wrestling Entertainment as evidence of his ability to resist kickboxing damage by … I don’t know, shoving?

From ESPN:

“He obviously didn’t see me be the first in WWE history to put Sheamus on the mat,” Cuban replied Wednesday night via email, referring to his guest host appearance on “Monday Night Raw” in 2009. “He knows not what he gets himself into.”

As funny as that is, Cuban failed to mention that his WWE appearances always end badly. Proof:

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The two Vince Carter videos you’re about to watch, when viewed in succession, can illustrate one of two themes:

1. It is life in a nutshell. Even if you’re the guy who cleared a seven-footer in the Olympics, you’re capable of taking one of the worst shots in basketball history. And if you take one of the worst shots in basketball history, you’re still capable of throwing it down on the tallest guy on the court.

2. Blake Griffin’s playbook: you are terrible at basketball so just dunk, because you are so good at dunking.

Video number one features Carter pulling out a great ball fake, tries to softly finger-roll it in like so much George Gervin and airballing it like he’s me trying to pull that shot off in HORSE. Video number two, about three minutes of game clock later, features Carter dunking on 7-foot Kings center Hassan Whiteside like it was nothing.

A brief miscalculation, or Father Time chipping away at his legs? You make the call.

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And here I didn't think Weezer could sink any lower.

The Dallas Mavericks traded for reigning NBA 6th Man Lamar Odom because they needed some veteran leadership off the bench, but mainly because they wanted to free up cap space to sign Deron Williams and possibly Dwight Howard. Well the space has been cleared, because Odom and the Mavs have broken up.

Cue the sad reality show music and Khloe Kardashian wiping her tears away with the money of lonely people.

“The Mavericks and I have mutually agreed that it’s in the best interest of both parties for me to step away from the team,” Odom said in a statement to ESPN.com. “I’m sorry that things didn’t work out better for both of us, but I wish the Mavs’ organization, my teammates and Dallas fans nothing but continued success in the defense of their championship.” (Via ESPN)

Odom will be listed as inactive for the rest of the season, which is a smart move for the Mavs, because they can still dangle his expiring contract as a trade piece in the offseason. Odom can be bought out for the very reasonable price of $2.4 million before June 29, which is quite the deal for teams looking to give away money.

Obviously no teams are going to be legitimately interested in a guy who only scored 6 points per game for the defending champs and was constantly distracted by his personal life that includes a reality show with his wife, who is a part of the world’s most fame-whoring family.

Then again, this guy still has a job, so anything is possible…

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It’s been a strange year for Lamar Odom, between being traded to the Dallas Mavericks after winning the NBA 6th Man award with the Los Angeles Lakers, being involved in an accident that resulted in a teenager’s death, coping with family illnesses, and, of course, his sex swing breaking. Making it all the more difficult is the fact that he has a camera in his face 24/7 for his reality show, Khloe & Lamar.

Well, now it appears that the camera, all of the added criticism and lack of privacy have taken their toll, and Odom wants to drop out of the reality TV lifestyle. “Haha, hilarious joke,” responded his wife.

“Lamar wants out of the reality TV limelight, but Khloe is convinced that if Lamar doesn’t continue being on TV with her, there would be NO Khloe,” a source told HollywoodLife. “The whole reason Khloe has become so popular is because of her marriage to Lamar. She obviously doesn’t want Lamar to be unhappy, but she knows that all the drama makes for good TV.”

According to the source, fame is Khloe’s first priority. “Same goes for Kim. Fame will always be more important than husbands and boyfriends,” said the insider. (Via the HuffPo)

Can we go ahead and award that “source” with the trophy for most obvious news of the year? What’s next, Kirstie Alley likes food and hates Xenu? #HOTTGOSS

I know I have this thing for the Kardashians, because I just love to make fun of them. But Odom, I like the guy. He seems pretty cool, like he and I could hang out and make fun of that guy he hangs out with who is Turtle from Entourage IRL. And he’ll probably be even cooler to hang out with once Khloe’s other sisters turn 18… hold on, someone’s at my door.

Oh hey, Chris Hansen, what’s up?

The Dallas Mavericks have assigned Lamar Odom to their D-League affiliate, the Texas Legends, on what’s being called a “rehab stint” to “get his legs back under him”. Some view the demotion as a way to remove Khloe Kardashian from the sports landscape like one might remove a clump of cat urine from a rancid litter box, while others see it as a pretty direct “go away forever for that thing you did with the sex swing“.

From Tracking:

Odom is expected to practice with the Texas Legends on Friday afternoon and play Saturday, at home against the Austin Toros. Meanwhile, the Mavs’ big club plays at New Orleans on Friday night. The team has already announced that Odom won’t make the trip.

Odom is in the twilight of his career and has been around the league for 12 years, so he’d be a great fit in Boston. He could end up being sent to Phoenix in exchange for Steve Nash (because Jason Kidd can’t be the wise old point guard forever), or maybe he’ll just get bought out by the Mavs and see how long the Kardashians keep him on their shows when his job is “ex-basketball star”.

Or, you know, best case scenario, he could use his time with the Legends to refocus his life, work on his game, get those legs under him and come back to the league a better, happier player. Yeah, that’s probably not going to happen.

A source told Jeff Caplan of ESPN Dallas that there’s “a growing feeling in the locker room that Odom might not return at all.”

That’s pretty conservative of them. I would’ve fired dude the second I found out he thought he could get into a sex swing with his underwear on.

Trey Kirby and The Basketball Jones have shared countless NBA clips, and every single one of them would be improved by having Dirk Nowitzki shout random affirmations over them.

“Oh my God!
OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
SHUT IT DOWWWWWWWWWWWWN
LET’S GO HOOOOOOOOOOOOME”

Dirk is his very own Club Banger. Put some techno music behind that and it’s every third Black Eyed Peas song.

Seriously though, turn the volume down on Horace Grant dunking or Chris Paul being mad about someone touching his head and just scream UHHHHH! HE’S ON HIS HOOOOOOOOORSE. EAT SOME FOOOOOOOOOOOD. DRIVE TO TOWNNNNNNN. It just makes things happier and better. More German!

wait, that’s not right