Dallas Mavericks big man Dirk Nowitzki is a rampaging beast! No, really, look at that ugly dude. He looks like a sasquatch after a body wax and Atkins. But the Abominable Dirkman found his groove in the fourth quarter against the Jazz, dropping 29 in the last period to pull off a 96-85 win against the mighty Mormans.
Nowitzki broke the franchise record of 24 points in any quarter set by Mark Aguirre against Denver on March 24, 1984.
“It was an ugly game,” Nowitzki said. “We couldn’t get anything going for three quarters. We were slow. We were looking for a spark offensively and I was able to do that tonight.”
Yes, Dirk, it was an ugly game. That’s your kind of game. Though you may not have the natural looks to lure a woman into a Colorado hotel room, your presence in the paint last night was a penetrating force all its own. You made it look so easy that a caveman could do it.
Other NBA news: Boston is still undefeated and Allen Iverson is pissed about playing time. Also, water is wet and the sky is blue.
LaLa Vasquez was escorted away from courtside of Game 4 between the Nuggets and Mavericks after this altercation. This fun little slice of life comes on the heels of Mark Cuban apologizing after telling Kenyon Martin’s mother that her son was a thug. Which he is of course; he played for Bob Huggins at Thug Life State Cincinnati. His players used to do offseason conditioning by sprinting out of dormitories with stereo equipment under their arms. That one might take you a second.
Its too bad that the thug’s mom won’t see that apology on the internet. He should print it out and mail it to her on the first of next month. Yeah, I went there.
|vid from NBC DFW, via Maj|
Our generation’s Larry Bird With Autism watched his alleged girlfriend get hauled off to jail for multiple felony warrants–including a probation violation–when Dallas police showed up at his doorstep earlier this week. From NBC Dallas-Fort Worth (thanks, John):
Booking records show Taylor has used at least eight different aliases in the past including Chrystal Ann Taylor, Crystal Ann Taylor, Debra Johnson, Shana Mancini, Krista Santiago, Crystal Ann Santiago, Cristal Westerhaus and Crista A. Westerhays.
Taylor was arrested at around 11 a.m. Wednesday. The Mavericks said Nowitzki and the team didn’t return from Denver until 12:30 p.m. Wednesday
Other aliases used included Syrus McBootypants, Elizabeth Felchmonger, and my personal favorite, Lady Smokepussy Fitzsimmons of Monaco. I guess Dirk’s only bedfellows now will be his broken English and sub-par grooming habits. Isn’t it weird that “sub-par” actually means bad, but if you shoot under par in golf, that’s actually good? And what’s the deal with airline food?
So after the Wizards and Mavericks played at the Verizon Center on Saturday night, Mark Cuban reportedly entertained some ladies at nearby Rocket Bar, just across from the arena. I know the place well–I walked out the door some 45 minutes before Cuban arrived, and had to hear the account from Vince earlier this morning:
[He came in at t]hree thirty in the morning. “Hey, that guy looks kinda like Mark Cuban. …Hold on, gay hair, sad clown eyes, ribbed turtleneck, gold chain… surrounded by a cloud of a group of skanky looking strip club waitresses… no way, that is Mark Cuban.” On my life.[...]I wouldn’t have said anything to him if I hadn’t been wasted probably, but I offered to buy shots and he politely declined.
I would have stuck around if I wasn’t (a) paranoid about missing the train or (b) getting my ass handed to me in table shuffleboard the whole night. And I’m good at shuffleboard. Eh, he probably spent the whole night complaining about YouTube and the officiating of the game, anyway. Below is a thumbnail of Vince’s actual phone pic of Cuban, who’s probably even worse at shuffleboard than I was last night. And I’m not stuck with Dirk No-win-ski. Oooh! Burn, sucka!
It would be a great story if Dirk Nowitzki always used the Mavericks’ off nights to go to Amazing Jake’s and play Laser Tag with a bunch lonely young men who live with their parents. You know, the kids in high school who wore all black and combat boots, didn’t wash their hair, tortured small animals, and got voted “Most Likely to Start a Militia.”
Unfortunately, this was snapped at the Mavs’ annual holiday party, and the team played a bunch of games with 150 kids from the Make-A-Wish Foundation. Jason Terry got hooked on Ms Pac-Man, Josh Howard played a NASCAR driving game, and all the kids with horrible diseases got to experience joy for a day. So it’s actually all heartwarming or whatever.
But I still like the idea of Dirk hanging out with the angry dudes who make pipe bombs.
[Full report at friends.mavs.com, via Ball Don't Lie and the Mavs' blog community]
In legal news, former Mavericks head coach Don Nelson was awarded $6.3 million in his breach-of-contract suit against Mavs owner Mark Cuban. Aww yeah, bitches. You know nothing drives page views like a lawsuit between two white men.
Anyway, I could give you all the details about how Cuban barred Nelson from doing his contractual consultant duties, or we can go straight to the quotes. Right. Straight to the quotes, then.
“It was kind of a silly case,” Nelson told ESPN.com. "It’s like a pimple on his behind for (Cuban), but ($6-plus million is) a big number for me. I don’t feel like I’ve won the lottery because I’ve already earned that money, but it’s good to know I’m going to get it." [...]
Despite the ruling, Cuban is not wallowing in defeat saying in an e-mail to ESPN.com that the arbitration hearing was worth the hassle.
"I got exactly what I wanted out of the deal - the true facts of the situation,” Cuban said… Unfortunately, according to the arbitrator, because I held back about $25,000 in (consulting) payments as I tried to understand the situation, I am obligated to pay him the deferred money he was to be paid. … I can live with that."
"Eh, I just lost six million bucks. It happens. Totally worth it to hear the truth." Dude, those are some expensive-ass facts. Personally, I'd settle for some half-truths at a better price. A price like free. But maybe that's why Cuban's a billionaire, and I'm a mere independently wealthy playboy.
