Dale Earnhardt Jr.'s clothing line from Adidas went on sale yesterday morning, and were his fans excited:

"We've already seen him," Earnhardt fan Krystle Forsythe said, standing at the front of the line. "We've been stalking him all week." . . . Judging by the scene outside the Sports Authority store across the street from Daytona International Speedway on Friday, the new clothing line could become the racing equivalent to Apple's iPhone or Nintendo's Wii. "Well, it's more important to me, because I don't have either of those," said 23-year-old Forsythe.

You don't say, Krystle with a 'K'. I don't have either of those things either. Where are you from darling?

She and her mother, Diana Brock, flew all the way down from Collingwood, Ontario, to attend Sunday's Daytona 500. And if that wasn't enough of a show of loyalty to their favorite driver — who's "just funny and he can drive really good," according to Forsythe — they also lined up early to get first crack at Earnhardt's new souvenir line. How early? Try 10:30 Thursday night. "We're from Canada, so we won't be able to get this stuff for a while," Forsythe said.

Wait, you're from Canada and you're a NASCAR fan? I'm sorry baby, but I have standards. I'd rather take my chances with some more bear urine. -KD 

NASCAR news!  Hooray!

Dale Earnhardt Jr unveiled his new 88 car yesterday, revealing for the first time that the sponsor replacing his iconic Budweiser #8 car will be… Amp.  Which is an energy drink, I suppose.  Pardon me while I dismiss this with an air-wanking motion.

Nevertheless, this is a big fucking deal for people who like to watch cars go in circles for four hours.  FanHaus even live-blogged the hour and a half announcement, which on the scale of good uses of time has to rank somewhere between watching a Season 2 DVD of According to Jim and explaining to an Entourage fan why Entourage is unfunny garbage.  I guess FanHaus just lets anybody write anything.

Happy Saturday, people.  This is your weekday editor moonlighting on the weekend as thanks for Kevin's help the last couple days — and also in celebration of my amazing hair day.  Today I bring to you the woeful hard-luck tale of Dale Earnhardt, Jr., whose transfer to Hendrick Motorsports next year from DEI will likely result in the loss of his beloved Number 8.  But fear not, DaleNation — his heart will go on:

"That's the way it goes sometimes in this sport. You can't have everything. You just have to be satisfied with what you do have and what we're going to be able to accomplish in the future."

Oh, he's playing it coy, but deep down he's destroyed.  That's not just any number 8.  It's fuckin leaning, man!  It's leaning back because it's moving so fast.  You just don't find numbers that fast any more.

And what of his fans?  All across rural America, white people will have to scrape the "8" decals off their trucks.  And you just can't ask your fans to do that.  That'd be like telling Calvin to stop peeing on the Ford logo.

So it's come to this.  A NASCAR post.  Sigh.

Anyway, last month Dale Earnhardt Jr — whose car is one of the more famous athletes in NASCAR — announced he would leave behind Dale Earnhardt Inc because his stepmother Teresa is a gigantic bitch and ran the organization into the ground. ESPN is now reporting that Earnhardt will race next year for Hendrick Motorsports, which is important because, uh… something about cars?  I think Hendrick gets better gas mileage or something.

There's also lots of talk about whether or not Budweiser will follow Earnhardt to Hendrick to remain his sponsor and about who will get to drive whose car next year.  Wow!  Can you feel the intrigue?  It's like an Agatha Christie novel, if all the suspects drove around in circles and were sponsored by American beers and other crappy products nobody likes, like the U.S. Army.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. is leaving Dale Earnhardt Inc. at the end of this season, and he's looking to sign with one of the other top Chevy teams in order to compete for the Nextel Cup.  However, it doesn't look he'll be driving for the best team in NASCAR next season:

Although he's spoken to Earnhardt, car owner Rick Hendrick said Saturday "there's no room at the inn" for NASCAR's most popular driver.

You know who else was denied a room at an inn?  Jesus. His Father is still revered as well with posters, books, flags and mud flaps.  In fact, I'm pretty sure the Hebrews referred to Yahweh as "The Intimidator" in the Old Testament.  This is not going to end well for Mr. Hendrick.

"We're good friends and I've talked to him, because I really want him to make the best decision and do the best thing for himself," Hendrick told The Associated Press. "But right now, I'm full." 

He should really read about what happened to Pontius Pilate because washing your hands of the situation doesn't make you any less culpable.  You shouldn't fuck with the child of someone famous, whether they be the Father Almighty or Dale Earnhardt Sr.  And you definitely shouldn't 'pants' Frank Sinatra Jr. in public, particularly if you enjoy the structural integrity of your femurs.  -KD    

I know a lot of you race fans are totally stoked for the Daytona 500 this weekend and disappointed in my lack of coverage about Jeff Gordon being disqualified or that 72-year-old geezer not making the field. It's all such an exciting way to kick off the 13-month-long NASCAR season, I can barely contain my excitement.

But then I saw this tidbit from Ben Maller: 

Mattel has unveiled Dale Earnhardt Jr. and Jeff Gordon Barbie dolls in conjunction with Sunday's race. The NASCAR dolls have Barbie dressed in Gordon and Earnhardt attire and are available for $34.95. Both dolls are in stores now.

As soon as I saw this I emailed 289 frantically: need Photoshop immediately. I can't say I was overly enamored with his work at first, but then I got thinking: hell, I'll wear work boots and Earnhardt gear if it gets me two chicks that hot. The one on the right even looks like my Miami crush Jenny Woo. Probably feels like her, too.

What, you think they look too plastic? Pfff. Goddam purists. The same people who don't like breast implants are the same ones who are still bitching about the designated hitter. Get over it, people. Adapt with the times as they get sexier, or you'll be stuck cheering for the NL forever.