I also would’ve accepted, “Milan Michalek Better Chalek Himself Before He Wrecks Himself”. Or, you know, a comedy sports blog headline that doesn’t reference hip-hop from 20 years ago.

Regardless, here’s a clip of Milan Michalek — formerly of the Ottawa Senators, currently of the Czech league’s Ceske Budejovice — shoving goalie/extraneous punctuation master Tomáš Závorka in the back of the head and getting straight-up suplexed for his efforts by Závorka’s teammate David Zucker. It’s the kind of exaggerated fight finish that hockey has in the movies, and not the “we both lost our balance and kinda fell over to the side” thing from real life.

Check out the clip below.

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Thank God Michael Bay isn’t directing the closing ceremonies … he would’ve given that thing balls. (via Sweater Punch)

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Groundbreaking Stuff You’ll Find In Social Media Within A Year |UPROXX|

Television’s 12 Most Bad-Ass Brag Lines |Warming Glow|

Mid-Week Guide To DVD & Streaming: TV Actresses In Awful Movies |Film Drunk|

Phillies Ball Girl #CanGetIt |With Leather|

Five Reasons The Next Console Generation Is Going To Suck |Gamma Squad|

Born Into The ’90s: 7 Young Stars It’s Perfectly Okay To Lust After |Smoking Section|

Gronk Tattoo Is A Lasting Memorial To Sadness |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

Jeremih Releases The Most Spectacular Video Of 2012 |Smoking Section|

There’s Going To Be Yet Another Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Series. Here’s a Trailer |Gamma Squad|

Of Course Mickey Rourke Says Beat Usain Bolt In A Street Race |With Leather|

Martin Scorsese Made An iPhone Ad |Film Drunk|

Here Is One Of The Most Hated TV Trailers In The History Of YouTube |Warming Glow|

Christian Bale Visited Aurora, Colorado Shooting Victims, First Responders And Medical Personnel Today |UPROXX|

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On Thursday we shared with you the first basket of Denver Nugget Kenneth Faried’s NBA career: a thunderous, no-look alley-oop. Today, in direct contrast to Faried, we present Washington Wizards forward Jan Vesely air-balling the sh*t out of his first NBA free throw. Just whiffing it completely.

The best part is that the shot he was fouled on looks almost as bad. He looks like me trying to do a lay-up in fifth grade. The worst part is that his team high-fives him after the shot. I know that’s what they teach you in basketball camp and everything, but refs should start handing out technicals for pity fives.

Trey Kirby of The Basketball Jones helps put things into perspective:

My first inclination is to say things can only get better from here, but then I remembered he’s a Wizard so that might not actually be true.

At least he never had to wear those black and tan uniforms, that’s something.

Welcome to another installment of Wild Card Wednesday, as I try to cram together all of the awesome, random things that we’ve been missing out on in favor of the big stories and half-naked Marisa Miller…

At some point on Sunday, Houston Texans quarterback Matt Schaub hurt his foot and now it looks like his season is over. I’m sure that the Texans won’t completely give up on Schaub until a doctor does something cool and drastic like slam his glasses down and yell, “Damn it, I’m not God!” In the meantime, the second coming of Matt Leinart is upon us, and somewhere there’s a Jacuzzi not being boned in.

Last night, Houston tight end James Casey Tweeted the above image of a local Hooters showing support for the new QB. Unfortunately, after calling the Hooters, I learned that they ran out of space and it should have read: “Hey Leinart, we believe you gave us all gonorrhea.” OK, I may have made that up. But would you bet against it?

I’ve got my fingers crossed for you, Texans fans. God knows this would be my response to losing Schaub…

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Parkour not being retarded or deadly enough, the people of the Czech Republic have resorted to taking injurious leaps between large dick-shapped rocks because… I don't know. Do I look like an ethnographer?

While it may seem suicidal, leaping across a gaping crevasse is actually an extreme sport that is gaining in popularity.

Called rock jumping, or simply jumping by the locals, this adrenaline-charged activity is taking place in the Adrspach-Teplice Rocks, a remote nature preserve in the northeast part of the Czech Republic.

Known for its roughly 11 square miles of phallic sandstone formations, the region has been a breeding ground for lifelong rock climbers, including Jaroslav Houser, 63, the purported conqueror of more than 1,000 sandstone spires.

Ah. A lifetime scaling dicks. A-Rod looks forward to beginning his post-marriage life in Eastern Europe.

And leaping across large gaping holes to get to giant dick stones? It's like the Gay Super Mario Bros. come to life.