As a resident of Austin, TX, I don’t like to throw shade at hipsters. I think hipsters are great. Without hipsters we wouldn’t have so many niche coffee shops, high-end thrift stores, festivals with taco cannons or vegan food trucks. I think “hipster” gets thrown around too liberally, and is a catch-all for squares. Don’t like how somebody looks? Are they different from you? HIPSTER. GET HIM.

That said, I have prepared a dark world of shade to throw at CAT BIKE GUY, the Philadelphia resident with a GoPro camera and a desire to be a living, breathing ‘Portlandia’ joke. Here’s the quick checklist:

1. Ironic mustache
2. Pabst Blue Ribbon sticker on his helmet (no, seriously)
3. rides his bike everywhere
4. makes his housecat sit on his shoulders while he rides his bike everywhere so he can be the Cat Bike Guy
5. quirky soundtrack accompanying him at all times

All he needs is a really tall bike and some clunky glasses without lenses and he’s hipstered as hard as he can. That poor cat. When Cat Bike Guy stops, the cat should just leap for it and bail.

[via Reddit]

It’s rare that I get to share something from the Epic Rap Battles Of History on a sports blog, but the latest effort features Lance Armstrong battling Babe Ruth, so here we go. I think Babe is the clear winner here, although the “Lance Armstrong has only one testicle” punchline seems a bit obvious. Lance should’ve gone full 8 Mile and brought it up in his first line.

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Links

UPROXX Video: The ‘Game Of Thrones’ Theme A Capella Is The Best Ever A Capella |UPROXX|

Someone Stole One Of Bryan Cranston’s Final Eight ‘Breaking Bad’ Scripts |Warming Glow|

LOUD NOISES! Supercut of Al Pacino acting as hard as he can. |Film Drunk|

Great Moments In Spring Break History: When Brain Freeze Chugging Contests Go Wrong |With Leather|

‘The Wolverine’ Has A New Poster And… Uh… Well… |Gamma Squad|

Waka Flocka Caught Lying On His Dick, Denies Smashing Selena Gomez |Smoking Section|

RGIII Has Superhuman Everything |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Robert Mennen is an Australian cyclist just trying to finish stage one of South Africa’s Cape Epic race without running over any antelope at almost 40 mph and almost killing himself. Key word here is “trying.” These races should, I don’t know, build a fence around the route or something if they’re going to bike through the wilderness and don’t want to accidentally slaughter any beasts between point A and point B. (via Reddit)

- Follow us on Twitter @withleather
- Follow me personally @MrBrandonStroud and Burnsy @MayorBurnsy
- Like us on Facebook.

Links

A GIF Guide To Picking Your Favorite ‘Spring Breaker’ |UPROXX|

He Remembers Me!: The Most Memorable Animal Appearances On ‘Archer’ |Warming Glow|

‘Dead’ deer wakes up in car, runs from cops in real-life Tommy Boy scene |Film Drunk|

Vince McMahon And Dana White Are Definitely Probably Not Going To Fake Fight For Real |With Leather|

The Best (Dumbest) Nerd-Themed ‘YouTube Reacts’ Videos |Gamma Squad|

A Journalist’s Guide To Being The Subject Of A Feature Interview |Smoking Section|

Eli Manning Always Wanted A Spinning Bedroom |Kissing Suzy Kolber|

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Stop me if you’ve heard this one before – a lady walks into a bar and she hates Lance Armstrong because she’s married to his former teammate and they both think he’s a lying dick. Wait, I don’t think I told that punchline correctly. Either way, Armstrong’s whistleblower, Betsy Andreu, is back in the news because she wants more attention believes that the shamed Tour de France champion is going to use tonight’s interview with Oprah Winfrey to sway public opinion back in his favor. Because when Oprah’s minge speaks, we listen.

However, Andreu – wife of Armstrong’s former teammate and close friend, Frankie Andreu – is really feeling the need to point out the obvious.

“I do not think he will ever fully admit or take responsibility for his drug taking,” the wife of Armstrong’s former teammate and one-time friend, Frankie Andreu, told Celebuzz in an exclusive interview.

“Going on Oprah is just a way to win public sympathy for him… I think it will be more crocodile tears from Lance – he chose Oprah because she is not known for hard hitting interviews.

“My husband and I just want him to go away.” (Via Celebuzz)

Apparently they want him to go away to prison, because Betsy also added that she believes that Armstrong is deserving of a full criminal investigation. And she might be on to something here, because if Armstrong admits to Oprah and her army of Bon Bon couch warriors that he used performance-enhancing drugs as he is expected to do, he could be facing all sorts of heck. Heck, I say!

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And I say HEY! What a wonderful time of day! Where you can learn to work and play, and read the first Sports On TV of 2013: the 20 greatest sports moments from PBS Kids’ ‘Arthur.’

‘Arthur’ is about the mostly-educational adventures of Arthur Read, an 8-year old aardvark who … well, learns to work and play and get along with the people in his hometown of Elwood City. Arthur started as a series of children’s books by author and illustrator Marc Brown, and eventually became a cartoon so popular it has over 1.1 million likes on Facebook and is the longest-running children’s animated series in the U.S., second behind only ‘The Simpsons’ as the longest-running animated series in the U.S. period. It’s also full of sports, and sometimes I like to write things on my comedy sports blog that my girlfriend will enjoy.

If you don’t already love ‘Arthur’ and have no interest in flipping through this list, listen to the opening theme, included below. If you can listen to the entire thing and not sing it for the rest of the day, I’ll let you off the hook.

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In case you haven’t been paying attention, it’s been a rather rough month for 7-time Tour de France champion first guy to finish, Lance Armstrong, as the International Cycling Union has basically demonized the poor bastard and forever branded him a cheater. Armstrong, of course, “gave up” his fight against the UCI and U.S. Anti-Doping Agency after a supposed wealth of evidence exposed him for using performance-enhancing drugs during his career as the greatest American cyclist to ever squeeze his balls into skin-tight shorts.

Now, Armstrong is officially walking away from the one organization that has been his saving grace to the people who still call themselves fans – Livestrong. After stepping down as the cancer philanthropy’s chairman, Armstrong has now entirely resigned from the board in order to save it from any further embarrassment. But don’t worry, he is gone but unforgotten.

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