I was cleaning out my inbox yesterday (which is an awesome euphemism for a trip to the OB-GYN, ladies) when I came across the above picture of a Baltimore Orioles fan wearing his customized Nick Markakis jersey. I meant to post this last month when it was originally Tweeted and posted at Buzzfeed, but I lead a crazy life of freebased cocaine and toddler fight clubs, so sometimes I get distracted. Regardless, the above jersey, sent to me by a New York Yankees friend of mine, incited a great debate between me and said friend – we’ll call him Doucheknuckle for the sake of fluidity.
Doucheknuckle thinks that customized jerseys are stupid and should only be worn by small children, and yet he also agrees with me that children should be kept in a large cage in stadium basements, but that’s another debate. Meanwhile, I believe that customized jerseys are fun if done with creativity and genuineness, or at least recognizing rivalries and insulting other players. After all, people will probably think I’m a tool if I get a jersey with Burns on the back, and I’d rather people think I’m a tool for my collection of mesh tank tops. However, it would be acceptable if I purchased a customized Wilmington Quicksteps jersey to honor my great-great-grand-uncle Thomas P. “Oyster” Burns.
Either way, I’ve gathered my proof that customized jerseys are fun if they’re done in jest and, more significantly, attack a rival team. Feel free to weigh in and take the side of a guy named Doucheknuckle.