If you had told me that someone was going to conduct a poll in Wisconsin about Green Bay Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers’ popularity, I would have slapped you and told you to stop wasting money. Alas, Public Policy Poling (which deserves to be slapped just for that name) went ahead with a popularity poll recently that asked Wisconsinites their opinions on public and political figures, and, of course, Rodgers, who is believed to be able to simply snap his fingers to make a super model orgy appear.

When the poll results came in, Rodgers broke the state’s polling record with a favorable rating of 89%. I assume the other 11% is angry fathers with ugly daughters who can’t get knocked up with Rodgers’ seed. So of course the polling company decided to conduct another poll to see who could possibly beat Rodgers.

Lincoln, who freed the slaves while fighting to keep the United States together in the Civil War, was seen positively by 91% of Americans, compared to only 2% who had an unfavorable opinion. Jesus Christ came in with a 90% favorability rating, but 3% of voters saw him in a negative light.

Two other figures beat the 80% favorability mark: George Washington, the general who earned the title of “Father of his country,” at 86% and Mother Teresa, the late humanitarian who tended the sick and dying in India for more than four decades and who is on her way to becoming a Roman Catholic saint. She rated an 83% favorability score.

(Via the Los Angeles Times)

There you have it – Aaron Rodgers, 1% worse than Jesus.

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I don’t have children, but in the event that I ever bring a little person into this world, I hope I react to the announcement that they “love the Ankees” by berating them to tears and evicting them from my home. You can also tell I don’t have kids because I think it’s kinda weird to watch a nearly-nude little boy hold a fork for no reason and aimlessly jam his arm into a school bus.

The poor kid is already a great Yankees fan. He doesn’t have any concrete reasons to like them, he can’t properly pronounce their name, he only seems to be supporting them because everyone else he knows likes the Red Sox and he bursts into whimpering tears when you question him. He also says “please?” when you tell him you don’t like them. All he needs to do now is learn to justify drunk driving arrests and count to 27 and he’ll be every Yankees fan I’ve ever met.

Also, is that guy a Benjamin Button version of Roger Sterling or what? About midway through the video I expected him to turn to the camera and tell Joanie to get Lucky Strike on the phone.

edit: Now with working video!

After their win last Thursday, the Mets had a magic number of one. Then they went to Pittsburgh and lost three straight games. Wait, did I miss something? Were they playing the Steelers? Because the Pirates couldn't beat a red-headed stepchild.

Apparently almost 35,000 people attended the last game of the series — that's over 90% full at PNC Park for a team that's 24 games below .500. On a Sunday afternoon in September. In other words, the Pirates should send a nice gift basket to the NFL for scheduling the Steelers for Monday night. Not no shitty gift basket, either. One of those nice ones with green apples and maybe some aged cheddar.

Oh, and Pedro Martinez cried after giving up five runs in three innings on Friday night. Way to rally the team, Ace. Pedro's leadership reminds me of FDR. Crippled.