It has been a few months since I was finally able to extinguish the last of my raging hatred of Dwight Howard for what he did to my beloved Orlando Magic, but I’m actually glad that I can look at him in a new, unbiased light. It wouldn’t be a typical NBA season if Howard’s people weren’t leaking his complaints to certain people in the “media” and, sure enough, ESPN reported this week that a Howard trade may be imminent.

While this has been corroborated by other people who claim to know – translated: they have Howard’s cousin’s email address – it was pretty much a done deal once everyone realized two things: 1) The Lakers just aren’t good with this old, injured lineup and 2) Howard still clearly wants to play in Brooklyn. However, much like he did with the Magic, Howard is doing his little song and dance routine with the Lakers by saying that he doesn’t want to be traded and will “bring it”.

Perhaps that has something to do with Nets star Deron Williams responding to the Howard rumors by saying that Brook Lopez won’t be going anywhere. Maybe it’s because he and Kobe Bryant got into it again in the locker room in a heated confrontation that they’ll probably deny again. Or maybe someone simply sat down with Howard, drew a bunch of zeroes on a piece of paper and told him what he’ll lose if he leaves L.A.

Like with his childish drama in Orlando, we probably won’t ever get a true story out of Howard for this case of déjà vu, but as an NBA expert and world famous analyst, I believe that the Lakers should trade Howard now. There are plenty of teams that can offer value, and I have broken down the Top 10 of those with proposed trades that are in no way mocking his value right now. Right, winking giraffe?

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Olympic athletes.

For those who haven’t heard, quidditch is an imaginary sport that was created by author J.K. Rowling in her famous Harry Potter series, and it features teams of young wizards flying around on broomsticks, trying to throw a ball through a hoop. It’s sort of like lacrosse, but imaginary and with magic. Of course, that never stopped scores of hipsters across the world from forming upstart quidditch leagues, in which they dressed like Harry Potter characters while pretending to fly around on brooms.

Translated: They stick brooms between their legs and run around in fields.

So despite this “sport” being based on a magical game from a series of children’s books, the people who “play” it believe that now is the time for the Olympics to take them seriously.

“Most people who play are nerds but we have a lot of jocks or athletes playing this sport as well, some of whom have never even read the Harry Potter books,” Benepe, dressed in a three-piece suit and top hat, told Reuters.

“We thought it would be a great time to piggy-back off the Olympics, being held in the home country of Harry Potter, and show people this is an exciting sport. There are a lot more ridiculous sports in the Olympics than quidditch.” (Via Reuters)

To be fair, I really do respect what the people who are behind quidditch are trying to do with their mission statement of being “dedicated to promoting the sport of quidditch and inspiring young people to lead physically active and socially engaged lives”. That’s honorable, because God knows our fat little piggy kids could use the exercise, lest they end up on Skinny Gossip’s sh*t list.

But to say there are more ridiculous sports in the Olympics? Name them. Because I don’t mean to be a dick, but if your selling point is that quidditch is whimsical and fun while physically demanding – like rugby with knock-knock jokes – you shouldn’t be crapping all over a bunch of world class athletes who have been training their whole lives to compete in these time-honored sports. Not cool, Muggles.

After the jump, the quidditch nerds state their Olympic case.

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Yesterday, we had a pretty great discussion about the young Texas Rangers fan who cried when Mitch Moreland tossed a ball into the stands and it was caught by a couple that spent the next 10 minutes taking photos of each other with that ball. Now we actually have a couple updates to that story – of which the moral was kids need to learn early that nobody likes a crybaby – that make it so much better.

For starters, the male half of the couple that ended up with the ball is Sean Leonard, the Deputy Director of Finance for the city of Southlake, Texas. He was at the game with his fiancé, Shannon Moore (well done, bro), and he now claims that he was completely oblivious to the crying child and what was happening around him. In fact, he actually demanded an apology from New York Yankees broadcaster Michael Kay, who was rather critical of the couple for not giving the ball to the child.

“My fiance Shannon and I were honestly unaware of the situation of the little boy sitting next to us last night since we were so caught up in the excited and moment of being at our first Ranger’s baseball game together,” Sean Leonard wrote in a statement posted by WFAA.

As for Kay, Leonard said, “He took an event and sensationalized it, threw it out there, never checked or validated the facts.” (Via USA Today)

Ugh. That statement makes me hate that I’ve defended this guy.

According to this ‘bag, the couple actually offered the ball to the child once they realized what happened, but the Rangers had already given a new ball to the child, who will soon start crying every time he wants something, because people just taught him that it gets him what he wants.

Fortunately, the toddler’s parents might try to dissuade him from developing this habit. Cameron Shore’s parents took the tot on the Today show to talk about their newsworthy ordeal, and – excuse me if I come across as a little happy about this – they actually admitted that they will use this experience to teach their child that crying won’t get him everything. There is actually hope for parenting in America.

Wait, no there’s not.

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Yo, you got any other pics of her on your phone?

We’ve had some great conversations here in the past about baseball fan etiquette and, more specifically, what is right and wrong when it comes to little kids and foul balls. Last night in Arlington, we witnessed yet another classic “What would you do?” situation, when Texas Rangers first baseman Mitch Moreland flipped a foul ball into the crowd and it was caught by a couple. Seated next to that couple was another couple with a young son, who proceeded to cry like all holy hell was raining down because he didn’t get that ball.

Obviously, since I wasn’t at the game, I don’t know exactly what happened, but between Twitter and SportsCenter endlessly analyzing this incident, I have formed an opinion… Little dude needs to suck it up and be a man.

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The American Psychological Association has released a new study, entitled, “Psychology of Men & Masculinity,” and the findings are going to blow your minds. It turns out that college football players who cry tend to have higher self-esteems and are all-around better players than those who don’t.

SEE DAD? WHO’S THE BIG F*CKING CRYBABY NOW???

“Overall, college football players who… are emotionally expressive are more likely to have a mental edge on and off the field,” said psychologist Jesse Steinfeldt, PhD, of Indiana University-Bloomington, a co-authored of the study.

(Via The Daily Mail)

The APA studied 150 student-athletes currently on college football rosters, and the male players involved had a median age of 19 and were mostly white. The players were split into four groups and read a story about a football player named Jack, who cries after losing a football game, and the players then responded with their thoughts on Jack’s sissy boy attitude.

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Since the NBA is currently locked out and there most likely won’t be a season since the commissioner, owners, and players do not believe it is a priority to resolve their Collective Bargaining Agreement issues anytime soon, the players have a lot of free time on their hands. For instance, New Jersey Nets forward Kris Humphries just hosted a mock wedding with blotchy E! personality Kim Kardashian. Eventual free agent Delonte West even teased that he wanted to work for Home Depot or Sam’s Club.

But what about the guys we actually care about, the superstars? What about Dwyane Wade? Well, he’s still crying. In an interview with ESPN 540 in Milwaukee, Wade told the story of three victims.

“Obviously we went through a lot last year. It was unfair some of the stuff that we had to endure but we grew from it. That’s over with. We move on to whenever we play basketball again and we will be a different team.”

So unfair. Looking back, I feel like a real jerkhole for taking so many shots at the Miami Heat. It was wrong of us, as fans of other teams or just people who believe in humility, to chastise the “Three Kings” for their lavish welcome party in Miami. It was wrong of us to punish LeBron James for saying they would win 7 NBA Championships when all was said and done. It was cruel of us to question James and Wade for making fun of Dirk Nowitzki’s cold in the NBA Finals. And it was just flat out mean of us to ever boo the Heat for walking into our arenas.

Wait, they were actually fine with that.

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