Forbes magazine today released their annual The World’s Most Powerful Celebrities, a top 100 list that ranks stars based on press coverage, social media buzz and whose agents paid Forbes the most money to put them on a list. At the top of this year’s 100: Jennifer Lopez, who was settling nicely into obscurity as that lady on Eric Cartman’s hand in an old episode of ‘South Park’ before ‘American Idol’ rocketed her back to prominence. Former American Idol winner Taylor Hicks also made the list, coming in at number 4,544,022 between Burnsy and the golden voiced homeless guy.

Tiger Woods managed to hang on as this year’s highest ranking sports celebrity, coming it at number 12. The only other sports guy in the top 25 was LeBron James at number 15, despite Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal coming it at numbers 2 and 3 in “Press Rank” behind Lady Gaga. I don’t know how much of this list is based on math and how much of it is based on people at Forbes trying to name 100 celebrities, so bear with me.

Here’s a full list of the sports personalities who ranked this year:

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"Hello, I am the Kaká."

If you had asked me to name the athlete with the most followers on Twitter, I would have asked for a hint. You’d say, “He plays soccer” and I’d reply, “Ugh, soccer… okay, is it Pele or that Ronnodonno guy?” Of course I’d be wrong and you’d laugh at my ignorance to the world’s most popular sport, and I’d probably cry because I’m super sensitive.

But at least I’m not alone in knowing who the most popular athlete on Twitter is or who he is, because People magazine seems shocked and concerned that it’s Brazil’s Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite, or Kaká as he is known to his 10,015,243 Twitter followers.

Brailian soccer star Kaka (a.k.a., Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite) is the world’s first athlete to reach 10 million followers on Twitter, making him only the sixteenth person to hit the high benchmark. He ranks right under Eminem (10.3 million followers) in the 10 Million Club, where Lady Gaga reigns supreme (with 23 million followers).

Actually, according to Twitaholic, he’s the 16th person and 17th entity to crack the 10 million mark, because YouTube ranks 10th on the followers list with 11.6 million. But just how popular is Kaká? He has more followers than Twitter.

Interestingly, Kaká’s closest competition is his Real Madrid teammate Cristiano Ronaldo, who has just under 900K followers. I would have guessed that Ronaldo would have more, what with his media fame and reputation as a globe-trotting poonhound, but Kaká, a self-described Christian family man, is the No. 1 guy.

On a side note… Kaká. Hehehehehehehehehehehe!

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Life sure is tough for this loser.

Real Madrid star and athlete No. 647 to have dated Kim Kardashian, Cristiano Ronaldo was none too pleased with the officials of his team’s 1-0 victory over Dinamo Zagreb on Wednesday. He complained that the top priority of the Champions League referees should be to protect the awesomeness that is Ronaldo. After all, he is the most important athlete on the face of the planet.

“We are very happy with three points we took, but I’m not so satisfied with the refereeing,” he told reporters. “I hope we never have this referee again. People talk of fair-play, of protecting good players, but I never get any of that. I don’t understand a thing.

“I’m sad because I hear referees saying they will protect skilful players, but while some are untouchable it seems I can be mauled.” (Via The Guardian)

Pretty standard bitching and moaning about officiating, nothing to see here. But it’s the follow-up quote that really sprays the money shot.

“I think that because I am rich, handsome and a great player people are envious of me. I don’t have any other explanation.”

How could there be any other explanation? He’s clearly so humble and respectable that the only reason people might boo him is because it’s just so impossible to take our eyes off of him. In fact, I wrote this entire post with my erection.

Kim Kardashian recently wrapped up her miserable failure World AIDS Day fundraiser by taking time out to update E! Online about her dating life. And she’s back to ruining the value of another professional athlete. This time her victim is New Jersey Nets forward Kris Humphries. No offense to Kris, as I’m sure he’s a good guy, but Kim has clearly gone from Red Lobster to Long John Silver’s.

Kim told the people who provide news to morons that she’s been enjoying the single life, so this more than likely means that Humphries, who has never averaged more than 24 minutes per game in a season, is just a bench spot speed bump on the highway to HPV supremacy. Kardashian, who is famous because she made a sex tape with a rapper we’d never heard of, also said that she’s done ruining the careers of NFL players. Responded everyone who had Miles Austin in fantasy football this season, “Gee, thanks.”

“No,” she replied when I asked her if she’s hesitant to date another pro at the launch of her Brissmor watch line last night, “But I probably would never date a footballer again!” Apparently hooking up with the likes of Reggie Bush and Miles Austin has ruined the NFL for her! (Via E! Online)

ROFL! It’s funny because she ruined the NFL for them, too. At least Reggie got a Super Bowl victory for his career before her obvious witch spell completed his transformation to completely useless fumbletard. As for Austin, he barely dated the girl and he’s having an entirely forgettable season. Poor Kris. He’s averaging just over 7 points per game as it is. He could end up negative. Although, there are worse things than dating a Kardashian and being declared negative.

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Over the weekend, people in faraway lands gathered for the purpose of kicking a ball around a field, and other people gathered to watch it and later they all got together to look down on me for not liking soccer. But what I do like is a little bit of violence sprinkled into my sports, and that’s where soccer makes brownie points with me. Can you imagine how much greater Air Bud: World Pup would have been if the dog had rabies and went around attacking everyone? Even better, they should have replaced him with White Dog.

Thankfully we have heroes like Luis Suarez and Samuel Eto’o to keep me from completely disregarding soccer. Suarez and his Ajax squad took on PSV Eindhoven on Saturday, and during a brief heated exchange between teams, Suarez bit Eindhoven’s Otman Bakkal on his neck. Actually, it was closer to his clavicle, if you want to get sexy about it.

Also on Saturday, Eto’o’s Inter Milan squad took on Chievo and Samuel became fed up with Bostjan Cesar and pulled a move from Zinedine Zidane’s playbook by headbutting Cesar in the chest. All in all, I’d say it was a pretty productive weekend in soccer violence. After the jump, take a trip down memory lane with some fun moments in soccer fights…

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Real Madrid won’t have another match for two weeks, but that didn’t stop the Spanish Champions League club from opening its doors for a preview of their new acquisition, Cristiano Ronaldo, arguably the greatest soccer player in the world. Real Madrid spent $131 million US for him, and I guess couldn’t wait to show him off to a capacity crowd at…wherever it is they play [checks index card] at the Santiago Bernabeu Stadium. In Madrid. Obviously.

Obviously, there’s dick-all going on in sports today, so here’s a pretty sweet goal from Brazil, via Sporting Blog, via Maj, via everyone that had this before we did. This guy could play for your club for a bit cheaper than nine figures, I’m sure.