With the NCAA Men’s Final Four field determined, there’s not much of a point in recapping the weekend’s action, because with the exception of Saturday’s early game – Louisville 72, Florida 68 – there wasn’t a great deal of suspense to break down and analyze with fart jokes and pictures of kittens dressed like Harry Potter. Although, in retrospect, I totally should have done that.

But that’s not to say that yesterday’s UNC-Kansas game – Jayhawks defeated the Tar Heels 80-67 – doesn’t at least qualify for instant classic consideration, because it was everything that we’ve come to expect from timeless rivals, despite what the score suggests. Even Tyler Zeller channeled his inner Tyler Hanbrough a few times, much to my delight.

And it has also now given us the above image that I am just going to deposit over here into my trusty “Future Memes” folder and let it incubate with the hopes that it can develop into its beautiful GIF form.

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"And this is the sound mah private plane makes... DERRRRRRRRP."

This might be my favorite story of the year so far. A Colorado man and Navy veteran passed away on Monday, and above all else he prided himself as a huge Denver Broncos fan. That’s important to note, because he went out with the coolest obituary opening I’ve ever read.

James H. “Jim” Driver, 78, of Eagle, Colo., formerly of Columbia, passed away Monday, March 19, 2012, at South Hampton Place in Columbia after a brief illness. An avid Broncos fan, he abhorred Manning and evidently wanted out before a deal was done. (Via The Columbia Daily Tribune)

Reading the rest of his obituary, Driver sounds like a pretty cool guy. He married a girl from St. Louis, lived in Florida and owned a pizza shop. He also donated his spare time to teaching kids how to ice skate – not my bag, but I like teaching kids how to curse – and helping animal shelters. It’s like he outlined the life I want to live, only to leave out the part about repopulating an entire of race of large-breasted alien women who look like Kate Upton but are all Siamese twins.

I may have never met Jim Driver, but I get the feeling I would have enjoyed watching a football game with him.

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You may not know Jackson Blankenship by name, but you’ve definitely seen him by now. He’s the heckling Alabama basketball fan with the bitter beer face mug and the oversized copy of his face that was recently caught behind the basket, tormenting University of Florida players. He’s a simple man with simple goals, according to his Tumblr profile:

Top ten things I want to get involved with in college (no particular order)

10. Making viral videos
9. Producing an album filled with awesome yet strange music through Garage Band
8. Selling / Buying stuff on eBay
7. Going on an obscene amount of trips
7. Learn to count
6. Attempt stand up comedy
5. Meet Conan O’Brien
4. Join a band and play at least one bar show
3. [Over Four years] see every MLB team play. Even you, Toronto Blue Jays.
2. Make a short film
1. Dominate some intramural sports, yo.

Last night, Jackson made the big time as he donned a new York Knicks “Linsanity” t-shirt and he sat behind the basket with his trademark face sign during the Knicks’ 100-92 loss to the New Jersey Nets. And cementing his new celebrity fan status is a visit to the Today Show this morning. Somewhere, cigar-smoking golf fan is weeping.

As an added bonus, a guy named Jordy Appel also scooped the Today Show on the first big interview with Jackson (I assume they’re friends) which quells my demand for a window into the mind of this strange new character.

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Last Friday, the not-surprisingly-terrible New Jersey Nets earned their second win of the season with a 97-85 tickle fight against the slightly-less-terrible Toronto Raptors. But the scoreboard be damned, because the Raptors fans above earned the biggest victory of all as they reportedly heckled Nets forward and ex-Kardashian enabler Kris Humphries throughout the entire game with their giant cutout signs of E!’s First Family. Damn that classic Canadian wit.

The rest of the weekend and early season action has continued as expected, with the biggest surprise thus far being the 7-2 Philadelphia 76ers and their 6-game winning streak. It looks like all the City of Brotherly Love needed was a little Will Smith injection of jiggyness and some of the ugliest mascot options in sports history. Good for the 76ers and the other little engines that could, as they will inevitably be decimated by the Miami Heat.

Before we get started, though, let’s take a look at the ballsiest basketball bros you’ll see upgrade their seats this season…

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BEHOLD!

If ever we hoped for God* to be a sports fan, let’s hope that he was wearing his giant foam finger yesterday as he browsed the Internet and checked the news at the Global Language Monitor. Because I can only imagine the almighty spitting out his morning coffee while reading the news that Tebowing is now officially a word. The act of kneeling down and expressing your thoughts to your holy being – otherwise known as praying – is now universally known as Tebowing, thanks to what the GLM refers to as the “six-week rise of the Global Phenomenon.” And you know it’s legit, because the GLM says it’s legit.

Though there is no official agency for accepting new words (or neologisms) into the English lexicon such as France’s Académie française, since 2003 the Global Language Monitor has been recognizing new words once they meet the criteria of a minimum number of citations across the breadth of the English-speaking world, with the requisite depth of usage on the Internet, in social media and in the top 75,000 global print and electronic media.

BOOM! WORDED! Now, while we wait for news that the Westboro Baptist Church plans to spend the rest of eternity protesting the Denver Broncos – or maybe they’ll just say, F*ck it and start worshipping Tim Tebow, too – I dug up the Interweb’s latest offerings of YouTube tributes to the man who is 7-1 as the Denver Broncos’ quarterback. Consider it our donation to the Cult of Tebow. Enjoy your Kool-Aid, friends.

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Last night, I called a buddy of mine who is a pretty big Chicago Bears fan and I asked him if the name Glenn Timmerman rang a bell and he said no. Actually, he said, “Was he the punter in the 80s?” But he hadn’t heard of him, so I asked if he was familiar with the “Tattooed Bears Fan” and he replied, “Ohhhh, that dude’s nuts.” I can’t believe I’ve never heard of this guy.

Timmerman, above, is a lifelong Bears fan with a deep appreciation for tattoos. It started with a Bears tattoo on his arm. Next, he shaved his head and had the Bears logo inked on the back of his dome. Next up was a giant Grizzly on his shoulder, and then he made a decision that hurled him into the annals of fanatic insanity. On October 16, 2005, Timmerman met former Bear Otis Wilson and asked him to sign his body – a creepy-yet-harmless-enough request. Timmerman then drove straight to his favorite tattoo parlor and had Wilson’s signature inked into his body permanently.

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