Kareem Abdul-Jabbar Really Doesn’t Like ‘Girls’… Wait, What?

Written by Ashley Burns / 02.01.13

When I was a child, I loathed the very thought of broccoli and mushrooms, despite having never tried either. My mom would put them on my plate with each meal and I’d either mash them up and move them around the plate, as if to say, “Look, I ate some of them”, or I’d knock them off the table and let the dogs have at them. Even though I had never tried these foods, I had heard they were awful, and I therefore wanted absolutely no part of them. That’s basically how I feel about HBO’s award-winning show Girls.

I have never watched a second of Lena Dunham’s controversial hit, and I don’t plan on ever changing that, despite the fact that I now eat broccoli and mushrooms with almost every meal. I’ve been told that I won’t like Girls and that it wasn’t written for me, and I will just settle for that so I can avoid the wrath of the show’s fans. Then again, if it’s anything like this sexy moment from last year’s Emmys, maybe I should be watching…

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Nobody Tell Phil Mushnick About Los Lakers

Written by Brandon Stroud / 05.07.12

jay-z-nets-racist

Jay Z owns 1.5% of the Brooklyn Nets and played a role in designing their new uniforms — simple black and white gear with a shield on the front that says “NETS” and a basketball with a B on it. Thankfully, the New York Post’s Phil Mushnick is here to point out an aspect of the unis that us basement-dwelling man-children in the blogging community might’ve missed: that black people are violent animals. Wait, what?

From his column ‘Equal Time’:

As long as the Nets are allowing Jay-Z to call their marketing shots — what a shock that he chose black and white as the new team colors to stress, as the Nets explained, their new “urban” home — why not have him apply the full Jay-Z treatment?

Why the Brooklyn Nets when they can be the New York N——s? The cheerleaders could be the Brooklyn B—-hes or Hoes. Team logo? A 9 mm with hollow-tip shell casings strewn beneath. Wanna be Jay-Z hip? Then go all the way!

In case you bl—cked out reading that, Phil Mushnick has decided that black people only dress in monochrome, that when you say Brooklyn is urban you have to say it’s “urban” because you don’t mean urban, you mean black, and if a rapper were put in charge of a basketball team he’d obviously degrade women, call his players a racial slur and change their logo to a gun.

As you might already know, people who say racist sh*t can never understand why people think THEY’RE the racist. You can read this next blockquote, wherein Mushnick expresses outrage over people having a problem with the pageview diarrhea that comes out of his fingers, or you can just assume he said “but it’s the N**GER who is racist!” and move on with your life.

Such obvious, wishful and ignorant mischaracterizations of what I write are common. I don’t call black men the N-word; I don’t regard young women as bitches and whores; I don’t glorify the use of assault weapons and drugs. Jay-Z, on the other hand…..Is he the only NBA owner allowed to call black men N—ers?

Jay-Z profits from the worst and most sustaining self-enslaving stereotypes of black-American culture and I’M the racist? Some truths, I guess, are just hard to read, let alone think about.

I don’t know, Herb Kohl can get pretty controversial.

And so continues the “old media becomes new media” circle of life, where people write something they know will be controversial, half a dozen people edit and publish something they know will be controversial and spend a few weeks wondering why everyone thinks it’s so controversial. And yes, I just called Herb Kohl a racist, please link to my blog.

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Sports Analyst Pat Robertson Weighed In On The Tim Tebow Trade

Written by Ashley Burns / 03.23.12

As we’ve discussed in the past, you can’t have much of a conversation about recent New York Jets acquisition Tim Tebow without religion being mentioned. Whether it’s our juvenile jokes or the fiery rages of cable news debate, Tebow’s No. 1 claim to fame isn’t that he’s a former Heisman Trophy winner and BCS champion quarterback, but that he really loves God.

So it goes without saying that certain religious figures would list Tebow as their favorite athlete, and that seems to be the case with televangelist Pat Robertson, who took time out from spreading the gospel to complain about the Denver Broncos giving up on Tebow for that washed up bum, Peyton Manning.

“I think the Denver Broncos treated him shabbily. He won seven games. He brought them into the playoffs, for heaven sakes. I mean, they were a nothing team. He rallied them together with spectacular last-minute passes and, you know, when they beat Buffalo — I mean, Pittsburgh — it was a tremendous victory.”

Buffalo in the playoffs? Now I know that you’re just a senile old coot.

“And you just ask yourself, OK, Peyton Manning was a tremendous MVP quarterback, but he’s been injured. If that injury comes back, Denver will find itself without a quarterback — and in my opinion, it would serve them right.”

I don’t think there’s anything necessarily wrong with what Robertson said, really, because it actually seems like common sense commentary – “If Manning gets injured, the Broncos have nothing.” Unfortunately, common sense doesn’t make good headlines. In fact, it’s a lot more fun if you take what Robertson said – that if Manning gets injured, maybe Denver deserves to be screwed – and make it much more scandalous.

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Bill O’Reilly To Kate Upton: “Get Off My Lawn!”

Written by Ashley Burns / 02.15.12

Since being named the cover model for the 2012 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue, With Leather’s favorite superdupermodel Kate Upton has finally become a household name. No longer reserved to the dreams of bloggers and their pervert uncles, the 19-year old Florida native (call me!) spent her Monday and Tuesday on a whirlwind TV tour, starting with the official reveal (sort of) of her new cover on the Late Show with David Letterman, and including a stop by the Today Show and one especially hilarious visit to CNBC’s Power Lunch, on which she awesomely humiliated Darren Rovell. And here I thought we couldn’t love her more.

But there were also plenty of TV and media personalities who either didn’t think to send in an interview request for Upton or just felt like it was much easier to tear her down now that she’s been built up without her actually being there to defend herself. Enter: Bill O’Reilly, who discussed Upton’s rise to fame last night on The O’Reilly Factor with a marketing expert and another angry woman. And if you’re wondering if O’Reilly came across as clueless while using out-of-context TV clips and information to support his claims, watch for yourself.

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Stallone Inducted Into Boxing Hall Of Fame, Haters Gonna Hate

Written by Ashley Burns / 06.17.11

MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE OUT!

I’m a few days late on this one, but Sylvester Stallone was inducted into the International Boxing Hall of Fame on Sunday under the classification of an “Observer“* because of the impact that the Rocky franchise has had on the sport of boxing. In fact, Stallone was inducted on the same day as Mike Tyson, whose presence in the Nintendo game Punchout! may be the reason that most of us ever even noticed the sport. But all wistful childhood nostalgia aside, Stallone’s recognition has the boxing purists plugging their cauliflower ears and screaming for the sanctity of their nearly irrelevant and almost totally corrupt sport.

These experts and critics say that an actor with no fighting past has no place in their Hall of Fame, despite his film character’s iconic status and impact on the sport.

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High School Track Team Is Clever

Written by Ashley Burns / 11.04.10

Lamar

What started as a celebration of teen spirit for one Massachusetts high school has turned into the biggest high school track and field promotional sweater scandal in the history of mankind. Boosters at Wakefield High School awarded the track team with sweatshirts representing Wakefield Track and Field, and the design was quite simple – WTF. While it’s not clear if the students planned this little act of ha-ha, I think it’s safe to assume that the kids planned it.

As always, parents eventually caught on – presumably after the evening news told them how Internet acronyms are killing their children – and now the kids aren’t allowed to wear their spirited sweatshirts, ultimately leading to their response – WTF? School officials say that the use of the phrase misrepresents the students, and they will go with the backup suggestion, “420-4EVR”.

Shake your ham fists in rage at those damn kids, UPI.com:

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