Before Thursday, only Beau Hossler’s closest friends and family knew who he was, as the rest of us probably would have guessed country singer or Dukes of Hazzard character. But once the 17-year old golf amateur with braces made his rise on the leaderboard at the U.S. Open, he quickly became a household name. It also probably didn’t help that his mom, Amy Balsz, ain’t too hard to look at, amiright fellas?

But this is about a young man’s incredible triumph and not the inspiration to a Fountains of Wayne song, as Hossler withstood the pressures of the incredibly difficult course at the Olympic Club to finish in a tie for 29th at +9. Sure, “tied for 29th” doesn’t sound all that great, but we love a good underdog story, and that’s certainly what he gave us despite a forgettable Sunday round.

We may never hear from Hossler again, as feel-good golf stories come and go, but he sure seems like the kind of kid that has the right work ethic and head on his shoulders to be a leaderboard fixture for years to come. So I thought that in the wake of his introduction to the world, I’d climb around inside that big, ol’ cranium of Hossler’s and see what a 17-year old was thinking about as he competed against the pros.

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So often in sports we’re spoon-fed storylines about athletes that seem like they’re right out of a Hollywood movie – Kurt Warner’s rise to fame, Marvin Harrison’s criminal kingpin alter ego, and Gina Carano’s gorgeous ass kicking, to name a few. And Hollywood has become so great at taking average stories and turning them into tales of inspiration – The Blind Side, Rudy, Air Bud. But none of these stories or movies really speak to the average fan like myself, in that they don’t involve chicks with giant racks. Well fret no more, movie-loving sports fans, because New Line Cinema is bringing us the story of Laura Vikmanis, a Cincinnati Bengals cheerleader.

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Calvin Murphy is best remembered as a NBA Hall of Fame guard for the Houston Rockets in the 1970s, as well as a longtime member of the Rockets’ broadcast team. Unfortunately, he’s also fondly recalled for having 14 children with nine different women and being accused of sexually abusing five of them. So it’s safe to say that he’s not exactly the best source for validating rumors. With that said, Murphy recently told a Houston ESPN radio station that LeBron’s mom indeed had sexual congress with Delonte West… and others.

Murphy said that he knows the rumor, first reported by TerezOwens.com, is true, and that the relationship between Delonte and Gloria James is so widely known within NBA locker rooms that Lebron may have been the only person completely oblivious to the situation. And probably Zydrunas Ilgauskas, because nobody tells that blabbermouth anything.

Touch us under the supervision of a court-appointed official, Huffington Post:

“It ain’t no rumor,” he told a Houston ESPN Radio station, calling the claims “absolutely true” and “absolutely horrifying.” He went on:

“Unfortunately, my sources in the NBA tell me that it’s absolutely true. My sources, and they’re legit, tell me that the only people that didn’t know it was happening was LeBron and me.”

I gotta say, if a dude who has been accused of sexually abusing his own daughters calls your situation “absolutely horrifying”… well, you’re pretty much screwed. Murphy, of course, failed to reveal any damning evidence or even draw other attention-starved “witnesses” into the fray, but that didn’t stop him from dropping two other juicy nuggets:

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There were a variety of factors that could have been used as scapegoats for the Cleveland Cavaliers losing to the Boston Celtics in the Eastern Semis, and the sports blog TerezOwens is going for the granddaddy of all excuses – LeBron James was distracted because his mom slept with Delonte West. I knew it had to do with sex, but figured it was just Antawn Jamison screwing the pooch.

Needless to say, the rumor comes at a hectic time for the guy who dubbed himself King James, what with all the pesky Calipari/Bulls rumors and Scores luring him to New York City with a lifetime of steak. And this is one hell of an accusation to drop on someone, especially Delonte West, who had a problem finding the hole all season.

Probe the situation, Examiner.com:

LeBron James has made no secret that his mother Gloria is his rock. She can be found courtside at all of the Cleveland Cavaliers home games, and most of the away games as well.

Fans will see LeBron James give his mother a kiss before heading into the locker room after each game she attends. Gloria James even reportedly lives with LeBron and his family which includes his long time girlfriend Savannah and their two children, LeBron Jr, and Brice Maximus James.

Gloria also tucks LeBron in at night, reads him Berenstain Bears stories and packs his meals in his favorite My Pet Monster lunchbox. LeBron’s lawyers sent TerezOwens a cease and desist email, denying the rumors of an alleged affair. The lawyers claim the rumor is “categorically false” and defamatory, adding, “No thinking person could possibly believe such rubbish,” according to TMZ.com.

Not so fast, Law Firm of Hey, Look & Over There. The story’s far-fetched, sure, but is it really that hard to believe? Tiger Woods is banging porn stars, Ben Roethlisberger has as many rape allegations as he does Super Bowl titles, Alex Rodriguez left his wife for Madonna, Cristiano Ronaldo has huge hooker orgies, and Sammy Sosa turned white. Nothing is too over-the-top for a sports story anymore. Unless it involves the Cubs winning.

And now for a story from the wild world of outdoors living: a former Marine camping in Wyoming defended his wife and two young children from a mountain lion attack… WITH A CHAINSAW!  Read this passage while I play air guitar:

Dustin Britton, a 32-year-old mechanic and ex-Marine [Ed Note: we prefer the term "former Marine"] from Windsor, Colo., said he was alone cutting firewood about 100 feet from his campsite in the Shoshone National Forest when he saw the lion staring at him from some bushes.

Britton revved his 18-inch chain saw and tried to back away. But the 100-pound lion followed. As the animal pounced, the 6-foot-tall, 170-pound Britton raised his saw and met it head-on – a collision he said felt like a grown man running right into him. “It batted me three or four times with its front paws and as quick as I hit it with that saw it just turned away,” he said.

Britton later discovered he’d inflicted a six- to eight-inch gash on the lion’s shoulder. He said he was surprised the damage wasn’t worse. “You would think if you hit an animal with a chain saw it would dig right in. I might as well have hit it with a hockey stick,” he said.

The starving lion was shot and killed after it killed a dog that was tracking it.  Authorities are making it clear that this is an exceptionally rare instance of a cougar attacking a man in the wild — they’re much more prevalent in night clubs after young men have been drinking — but you should still take your chainsaw with you wherever you go.  Ya know, just in case.

(thanks to Albert for the tip)