"And I figured, why just destroy my legacy? Why not the Simpson name forever?"

It has been 17 years since a California jury declared that former Buffalo Bills running back OJ Simpson was not guilty of murdering his ex-wife Nicole Brown and her dude bro, Ronald Goldman. And despite the irreparable damage that this one trial did to the last two decades of California “justice” against celebrity criminals, we have not stopped talking about it, because it has just always been that remarkable.

Well put on your “Oh you’ve got to be f*cking kidding me” faces, because there is a new “development” in the case, and by development I mean that some dude realized that there’s still cash to be milked from this saggy teat. Private investigator William C. Dear has a new book, OJ is Innocent and I Can Prove It, and he claims that he knows who the real killer is… OJ’s son.

Everybody all together now!

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Sorry, folks, but we did not travel back in time to get that headline. It was announced yesterday that 47-year old hug machine Jose Canseco will not be allowed to play in the Mexican Baseball League after he tested positive for testosterone, according to league president Plinio Escalante, which is amazingly also my handle on Call of Duty. Canseco, of course, is outraged by this announcement, because, as he’s made very clear on his Twitter feed over the past year or so, he does not take performance-enhancing drugs anymore.

Sure, back in the day he took enough steroids to kill an army of centaurs, but these days Canseco devotes his time to trying to convince us – and more importantly any MLB general manager that is either desperate or high – that PEDs don’t help baseball players, and only natural skills allow players like Canseco, Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa to sock 60 dingers a year.

Also, Canseco Tweeted, he never even took a piss test in the first place for the Mexican league, so how the hell could he have tested positive? Cue the Mexican soap opera suspense music!

Too bad it’s not a conspiracy and Canseco refused a drug test and admitted that he does, in fact, take testosterone because steroid use has left his plums looking like raisins.

But Canseco is still going strong about a conspiracy against him, and I think that this should actually open a new door for him.

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It appears that we are not alone in this universe in thinking that the Indianapolis Colts suck. While the New Orleans Saints were beating the snot out of the Colts to the tune of 62-7 two weekends ago, some fans now believe that the New Orleans sky was visited by football fans from another world. The NBC camera showed the sky above St. Louis Cathedral, and suddenly a strange light caught the attention of people who smoke way too much weed.

Shaped like a long rod and adorned with multiple lights, it seems that this may not be the first time that these lights have paid us a visit. According to filmmaker and guy who sees a lot of aliens, Jose Escamilla, these rods have been zipping and zapping all over the place.

“As I reviewed one of the tapes, I noticed something streak past my camera viewfinder and thought at first it was just a bird or insect,” Escamilla told The Huffington Post.

“Looking at each frame of the footage again, I knew it was something more unusual. My girlfriend at the time called them ‘rods’ as they sort of looked like some kind of life form you’d see in a microscope.”

Since that time, Escamilla has collected hundreds of taped examples from around the world of these so-called rods, which vary in physical form: Some look like centipedes with appendages and others have no appendages but appear to have lights on top of them.

(Via the HuffPo)

Hmmm, you say these UFOs look like bugs, eh? Well there has to be a very simple excuse for this.

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