"Looks like it breaks to the right and my caddie is nailing my wife."

Detroit. Baltimore. Compton. Waterbury. It feels like we can’t even go one day without horrifying news of violence from America’s most dangerous cities, but those maniacs in Connecticut are once again making our golf courses more violent than they should be. Rudolph Hermstadt (above), a 37-year old local phenom, apparently got into a fight with his 41-year old caddy in the clubhouse after a round at the East Mountain Golf Course.

Damn it, man, when I say give me the big dog, you give me the mother f*cking big dog!

Police say Hermstadt was captured on a surveillance video choking and punching 41-year-old Jeremy Eterginio of Prospect inside the 19th Hole Cafe at the East Mountain Golf Course on July 22.

Hermstadt told the newspaper the fight stemmed from an argument over Eterginio’s relationship with Hermstadt’s fiance.

He says Eterginio is no longer his caddie or his friend. (Via the Hartford Courant, H/T to Fark)

It’s not the punching of my face or the choking me to death that hurts, it’s that whole not being your friend part. Sometimes the heart is the most vulnerable part of the body.

What I want to know, though, is how pathetic a man must feel to be a 7-time city champion and recent winner of the Mayor’s Cup and find out that his wife is banging his caddy, who is older and presumably not as good at golf. That’s gotta give the other fellas in your foursome some deadly sh*t talk at the tee box.

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Taking the Sports-o-sphere by storm today is this video from a Connecticut high school football game between Hillhouse and North Haven. Down 19-7 in the third, North Haven QB Jalon White decides that the best time to throw a desperation touchdown pass is while parallel to and about an inch from the ground. The ball goes straight up and out of view (like the basketball in a sitcom when Eddie Winslow or Betty White or whoever has to swoosh it from half court), then falls straight back down into the hands of wide receiver Joe Burr, who just sorta turns around and ambles into the endzone for the TD. North Haven came back to win the game 21-19, proving once again that puttin’ yerself out there and bein’ fearless is important, no matter how fundamentally terrifying what you’re doing is.

This was the season opener for both teams, and now they’ve got to pull something viral in every game. Hopefully not in the Michael Vick way.

The real star of the video has to be the commentary, which introduces “there’s no way!” and reiterates it until you’re brainwashed and seeing “yo” every time you close your eyes. OH! AIN’T NO WAY, AIN’T NO WAY YO. AIN’T NO WAY. And so on, yo. But can you blame him? He might’ve just seen the best, worst play in high school football history.

[h/t Sportress of Blogitude, et al.]

Ian Cannon is a freshman at the University of Hartford and he is confined to a wheelchair because of cerebral palsy spastic quadriplegia. But queue up the pun machine, sports reporters, because he is fighting… literally. For over three years, Cannon has been running a program called “Roll with the Punches” which serves as an exercise program for people in wheelchairs while teaching them how to box.

From his mission statement:

ROLL WITH THE PUNCHES, wheelchair boxing, is the creation and dream of seventeen-year-old, Glastonbury Connecticut native, Ian Cannon. The program was developed as a way to help people who are wheelchair bound to strengthen their muscles and gain flexibility and confidence. Ian, who has cerebral palsy, uses his training techniques to gain strength, but does not dismiss the benefits of how his training has helpled him mentally. (Via The Lions Den)

I have to admit that I saw the “standing O” headline and kind of looked around to make sure that none of the handicapped people in my house were glaring at me. But I’m going to keep an eye on this program, mainly because I feel it may take away some of the thunder from my toddler fight club. Damn good people and their awesome causes.

Recent NBC Connecticut report on Cannon’s Punches after the jump…

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As much as Texas and Florida are synonymous with football, Connecticut seems to be the land of cheerleading, seeing as all the big spirit finger stories are coming out of the Nutmeg State these days. First, a Connecticut judge reaffirmed what we all knew – cheerleading is not a sport. And now a cheerleading team… wait, no. Team implies sport, sorry. A cheerleading coven has appealed to the Connecticut Board of Education because their uniforms… wait, no. Sorry. Because their costumes are too revealing. Oh the horror.

The girls are upset because the tops reveal their midriffs, and they believe that this is demeaning to them as proper young ladies. Instead, they want to wear less revealing tops and longer skirts. Should they succeed in their pleas, when they ask the crowd what that spells, the response will be, “Hey sweater, you‘re blocking the game!”

Give me a P, give me a R, give me a U-D-E! What’s that spell, Yahoo! Prep Rally?

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