One of the first things that I plan to do whenever I eventually visit New York City for the first time ever is get 200 lap dances in a row at Rick’s Cabaret. But right after that, I’m going to Coney Island so I can fulfill my wildest hipster urges. Now, though, it appears that I may have to bump that trip up to the week of July 4th, because the Brooklyn Cyclones are hosting what sounds like the greatest promotional night of the year.

Dubbed Williamsburg Night, the Cyclones – playing in the Short-Season A Penn League – will be honoring New York City’s finest hipsters on July 5th with a variety of games and deals, including:

People in skinny jeans, running the bases. That’s all I need. I’d pay hundreds of dollars to witness that, especially since it will probably be 30 people huddled by home plate, smoking cigarettes and texting. After the game, a bar will also be hosting a skee ball tournament. This sounds like the greatest night ever. All that’s missing, aside from the 200 lap dances at Rick’s obviously, is me blasting all the hipsters into the Atlantic with a fire hose. A boy can dream.

If I had to define and specifically choose one dream job for myself for the next 365 days of my life, I’d want to travel around the country, attending the most bizarre and ridiculous competitions. That is, of course, unless someone posts a Monster.com ad for “Kate Upton breast holder”, in which case I will take that, please.

Sure, I could cover the Super Bowl and World Series and that would be cool, because they’re super huge events, and all that jazz. But to be able to cover the U.S. Beard and Mustache or American Pole Dancing Championships would be so much more incredible, because who the hell are these people and where do they come from? I’m fascinated by the strange and extraordinary.

This week’s bucket list event comes in the form of the 2012 Old Timey Coney Island Strong Man Spectacular. Upon first glance, it looks like your ordinary hipster festival, but I feel like once you see a man pull a truck with his hair, you enter an entirely different realm.

Read the rest of this entry »