Despite the Chicago Bulls resting Derrick Rose and the Miami Heat giving Chris Bosh the night off, a lot of people called last night’s matchups between the 1- and 2-seeds in the Eastern Conference a preview of the conference finals. With all due respect to the Boston Celtics and maybe the New York Knicks, they’re probably right. So if you’re looking beyond the Bulls missing their centerpiece and the Heat missing their ostrich versatile big man, Miami won this battle, 83-72.
Realistically, the only value of this game is that Miami still has an opportunity to steal the No. 1 spot from the Bulls. But perhaps I’m not looking at this from the players’ perspective, because Dwyane Wade showed everyone just how intense an Eastern Conference Finals featuring the Heat and Bulls could be, when he tossed Rip Hamilton on his butt after he got a tad too pokey with his elbows.
And thanks to Twitter’s best NBA fan, Jose3030, we can now enjoy this moment in GIF form for the rest of eternity.
When I was in Las Vegas last weekend, all the cab drivers and table dealers wanted to talk about when it came to shows was how excited everyone was for Mike Tyson to begin his highly-anticipated one man show, “Undisputed Truth – Live on Stage.” Of course I completely understood their excitement and I was somewhat depressed that it hadn’t started yet, because I can only imagine the hilarity that will come with Tyson telling old stories for an hour or two on stage.
With the show beginning this month on the seemingly appropriate Friday the 13th at the MGM Grand Hollywood Theatre, Tyson is making the late night rounds for some promotional obligations, and one of the best stops he could make was at Conan, because TBS’s desperation cable network status allows a little wiggle room for language and good taste.
Tyson didn’t disappoint with a story about how he was totally cock-blocked by Brad Pitt while the heavyweight champ was still trying to get with Robin Givens, even after their incredibly rocky and well-publicized divorce.
The Animated GIF Bracket’s Final Four: Where Dreams And Nightmares Come True - YANKEE ENTHUSIASTS was robbed, that thing should win a Pulitzer. Please continue to vote MORTIFIED MICHIGAN PUNTER into the championship. [SB Nation]
Tommy Lee Jones And AMC Are Developing A Show About Football - I hope it’s just football guys going “I DIDN’T FUMBLE THAT BALL” and Tommy Lee Jones saying, “I don’t care!” [Warming Glow]
The 15 Greatest Knockouts in ‘The Ultimate Fighter’ History - Gifs of people being punched to death are a great way to start your Friday. Poor Solomon Hutcherson. [Cage Potato]
The South Park Memeing Episode: Instant Classic And KSK Relevant - Also, Everywhere Relevant. Here’s to hoping Faith Hilling doesn’t take off. [Kissing Suzy Kolber]
Conan’s Celebrity ‘Why Would You Tweet That?’ Bit Killed Last Night - Lenny Kravitz’s first love being “recording the same song over and over” is amazing. Maybe he’s like the lady from 50 First Dates. [UPROXX]
Two Boss Ways To Play Mario Kart - The day I was most jealous is when I found out the Cleveland Indians scoreboard guys played Madden on it. If I got to play Double Dash on that thing, I’d feel like God. [Gamma Squad]
Pranked Texas Granny Demands an Apology from Justin Bieber - Get in line, lady. [The FW]
Latest Entrant Into The Epic Drunk Hall Of Fame - A guy in a sombrero wears boxing gloves, jumps onto a cop car and shouts his name. Then he takes THIS mug shot. Worth your time. [Film Drunk]
Question Of The Day: Kidada Or Rashida Jones? - How is this even a question? What’s tomorrow’s question of the day, Alison Brie or the guy that plays Leonard? [Smoking Section]
Apparently Earth’s Mightiest Heroes Will Rock Out To Earth’s Crappiest Soundtrack - You sorta don’t expect it to be that bad when you read the headline, but holy sh*t, Papa Roach? In 2012? What is this, the WWE? [Pajiba]
Cats Vs. Dinosaurs - Technically don’t cats win for still being alive? [Buzzfeed]
Shaq is about to get his doctorate and become Dr. Shaq, but he doesn’t want you calling him “Dr. Shaq”.
Shaquille O’Neal’s appearance on last night’s episode of ‘Conan’ featured the usual Shaq interview fare — stories about how he used to do “little guy things”, and the time he bought two Ferraris (Ferrarii?), cut them in half and superglued them back together so he could have a super Ferrari — but the highlight is definitely his conversation about the modulation process that occurs when a funny boss tries to be a serious boss and vice versa, and how he’s not gonna let grown men call him “Shaq” when he’s a doctor.
Of course, kids are still allowed to call him Shaq. No word on whether or not they’re allowed to yell WATCH OUT FOR THE SHAQ ATTACK a la Marge Simpson and pass the ball into his face.
I guess the other highlight is Conan breaking out the “tiny set” for Shaq. He should use it the next time he interviews Kristin Chenoweth and pretend he’s a monster.
This video, courtesy of The700Level by way of Sportress of Blogitude, features future NHL Hall of Famer Jaromir Jagr sitting on the Philadelphia bench, executing A Brother’s Justice on his junk. It’s not clear exactly what he’s doing*, but Scott Hartnell is drinking Gatorade like Camille Crimson to his immediate left, so who knows, maybe that’s how he blows off steam. The whole thing seems a little NSFW.
And yeah, as funny as the idea of Jagr skating to the bench to furiously rub one out is, his jock scratching technique mostly just reminds me Conan O’Brien’s Masturbating Bear. Compare/contrast:
In case you missed “Conan” on TBS last week, and judging by the ratings you probably did, Conan O’Brien caused a minor stir after he Tweeted the following message to his fellow Boston Red Sox fans:
“Remember, Red Sox fans, they still have to live in Tampa.”
And because we’ve already seen that no sports fans in Tampa can take a simple, harmless joke, local shock jock Mike “Cowhead” Calta once again rallied his legions of mouth-breathing, stay-at-home Nickelback fans and demanded that O’Brien issue an official apology on his TV show.
WHPT-FM afternoon drive host Mike “Cowhead” Calta got his fans involved too.
An explicit hashtag resulted — #F–kCoco — along with a campaign to harass, (I mean, remind) the TBS star into taking back his insult.
Calta posted tweets with the number for O’Brien’s offices and the personal cellphone of the show’s publicist, Drew Shane.