“Shoenice” (he’s the one in the video wearing a shirt with SHOENICE across the front) is a comedian from upstate New York and a Yankees fan who has amassed a decent amount of side-eyed Internet fame for eating random sh*t — bottles of Elmer’s Glue, tampons, an entire box of crayons, etc. — and while it’s not even remotely related to sports I’m gonna quote the NEW YORK YANKEES, CRAZY FANS and COMPETITIVE EATING tags and say f**k you, it’s Friday.

This is easily my favorite video he’s ever done, 10% for the absurdity of a guy thinking this was a good or desirable idea and 80% for the hilarious commentary of his friends. Here’s a definitive list:

- “Oh myeh God, GOD DAMNehhh”
- “You’re rocking, dude!”
- “Niiice, bro!”
- “Ohson!/Oh my God!”
- “Yer da man!”
- “Woo! Woo.”

The final 10% is for visual proof that Shoenice has friends. I’m guessing he used his glue-chugging money to make these guys paid extras.

[h/t Bob's Blitz]

So? You should see my right arm.

As we’ve touched on in the past, the people at RecordSetters have given every one of us average Joes the ability to set world records, even with minimal effort and talent. For instance, if you’re capable of bench pressing a small dog, then you can do it as many times as possible in 60 seconds while a friend records it and – BOOM! – you’re a world record holder. Granted, it’s not a Guinness World Record, but that group of 3s you’re trying to impress at 1:57 a.m. isn’t going to know the difference.

On Saturday, world eating record machine Takeru Kobayashi took a break from being banned from Major League Eating events to team up with GroupMe and RecordSetters to establish yet another world eating record. This time the food of choice was grilled cheeses, and Kobayashi was given a minute to house as many melted sandwiches as he could. The result? 13.

That’s a far cry from the 337 chicken wings he took down at Wing Bowl 20 back on Feb. 3, but who am I to judge? My best food record is Most Hooters Restraining Orders.

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On Tuesday, Sonya “Black Widow” Thomas won the Wild Turkey 81 Eating World Championship with a world record 5.25 pounds of turkey downed in ten minutes. The next day — the very same day most blogs with nothing better to write about were getting ready for Thanksgiving and reporting the world record — barred and disgraced “bad boy of competitive eating” Takeru Kobayashi was posting live, streaming video of himself destroying Sonya’s world record by more than two pounds.

Two problems.

First, if you haven’t been keeping up with Takeru Kobayashi, here’s the SparkNotes version … Kobayashi is sort-of the Hulk Hogan of competitive eating, both in that he spent years on top as the only marketable star of his profession and that his name is well known outside of the sport, at least to folks who don’t know about esoteric benchwarmers like “Crazy Legs” Conti.

Kobayashi won six consecutive victories in the Nathan’s Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Competition, but Major League Eating began insisting he sign an exclusive contract (I’m not making any of this up) that would bar him from competing in non-sanctioned events and sever Takeru from his precious hot dog intake. In 2010, while wearing a black t-shirt with “Free Kobi” across the front, Kobayashi stormed the Nathan’s stage to demand his “freedom” from the dispute. He was handcuffed, arrested and taken to jail. They took him off their “wall of fame” and everything.

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With Leather will be updating sporadically tomorrow, but chances are we’ll be spending most of my second least-favorite holiday* with our families. And yes, by family I mean my girlfriend and my housecat.

To get you in the mood for American Thanksgiving, please enjoy this story of 105-pound competitive eater Sonya “Black Widow” Thomas, owner of 24 world eating records, eating almost an entire Thanksgiving turkey with her bare hands at the Wild Turkey 81 Eating World Championship on Tuesday. That’s 5.25 pounds of turkey in ten minutes, putting her ahead of luminaries like Eric “Badlands” Booker and “Crazy Legs” Conti and a cool $1,581 prize. She also won a championship belt and that bronze turkey in the picture. It has a removable cleaver.

A quote from the NY Daily News puts the event and the “Black Widow’s” strategy into perspective.

“It’s a mind game,” she said. “If you lose your focus and say you’re getting full and slow down, you lose.”

Nobody used utensils in the frenzied feast. [Badlands] Booker picked his entire bird up with one hand and violently gnawed, a fleck of meat stuck to his cheek.

“I just ripped the bird apart and ate the innards,” he said of his strategy. “I think I ate the wishbone by accident.”

You can watch a video of highlights from the event below, and it’s got a 50/50 chance of being awesome looking or disgusting.

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Five years ago, Taylor Mak had a vision – he wanted to start a club for amateur competitive eaters. Fast forward to today and the Eatcredibles are Hong Kong’s most prestigious eating group, boasting 50 members and the will to eat food faster than you. Since starting the Eatcredibles, Mak has participated in 50 eating competitions and he recently met up with the Wall Street Journal to share some pointers to help other aspiring food wasters succeed in this intense competitive world.

Plan in advance. Two months before is the ideal time span to begin training for an event.

Do your research. First, know whether you’re participating in a speed or volume challenge. Then find out exactly what goes into the dish you’ll be eating — Is it a beef hotdog? What brand of bun is it in? — to recreate it at home for practice. Certain foods, like noodles in hot soup or chicken wings, are especially difficult to eat. Lastly, know your competitors and their previous records so you can measure yourself up against a benchmark.

Plan? Do my research? Geez, next you’ll tell me I have to work out…

Work out. The best competitive eaters are skinny, says Mr. Mak, who weighs 64 kilograms and is 168 centimeters tall. “It’s easier to stretch out your stomach when you’re not pushing up against layers of fat.” It is important to keep your weight low, even though you are consuming large amounts of food.

Since when does eating require this much effort? Just give me a box of Totino’s Pizza Rolls and a sleeve of sour cream and onion Pringles and I’ll have my own eating competition. I’ll call it the Alone and Farty Championship.

Video after the jump…

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A team of competitive eaters at the University of Maryland has achieved club status with that school, securing an undetermined amount of funding for what might be the first collegiate team in competitive eating. Just keep in mind that money ruins everything, at least it will until people start eating money competitively.

Though actual collegiate eating contests are still a long way off, Major League Eating president George Shea views the formation of the Maryland club as a validation of his sport.

“Finally, we’ve scaled the ivy-colored walls of academia,” he told AOL News. “In the dark past, there was stigma related to this sport. For me to see it come full circle is really a triumph.”

–Ben Mussing/AOL News.

These other schools need to get on the stick; I’m ready for TCU to get screwed over in the first competitive eating BCS rankings. And then we can talk about how all of the Big Ten schools eat easy foods all the time but none of the southern schools will travel north to eat with them. Wow, Joey Chestnut must be spinning in his grave right now. Oh, he’s still alive? That’s even worse, actually.